Thursday, December 24, 2009

10 weeks yo!

the bigger the hair, the closer to god

chunky monkey crunch...

i'm starving

well now that the baby is almost 10 weeks, i thought i'd do a little comparison shoot.
as you can see from the pictures, she seems to favor lily more than oz, but still seems to have her own look. but then again, lil and oz at 10 weeks looked nothing alike... and now they get mistaken for twins at least once a day. in any event there is one major concrete difference between tali and the other two. see if you can guess????
the word on the street is she just may look like me-- you be the judge.

oh and ps- tali's hair sticks straight up, with no help from us. so if you see us on the street, please don't think we styled it-- i know its hard to believe, but honestly, we're not that vain...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

bitches be crazy

i'm not sure why i thought having 3 kids wouldn't be that big of a transition. i guess i just figured since my older two were only 19 months apart and have evolved into one crazy ass toddler, adding another in the mix wouldn't be such a big deal.

i was wrong.

this last month i've had either my mom, or my mother in law around to ease me into this new world. in addition, i've had 3 solid weeks of meals (i swear i have the best friends ever!). these next few weeks reality sets in.

and i'm scared s---less.

maybe it has something to do with the fact that getting my 4.5 yr old dressed often feels like a wwf smackdown. or perhaps that my son refuses breakfast, lunch and dinner unless its cold pizza or cheerios. or maybe its because my precious newborn daughter thinks pacifiers are for wussies. or maybe, just maybe its because i'm realizing i cannot meet all the 'needs' of these little terrors angels.

i remember feeling overwhelmed after oz was born. i felt like my 19 month old daughter should suddenly be acting like a 4 yr old. i was having a hard time tolerating her crying and whining, and just general 1.5 yr old behaviour. if oz was crying, i felt frustrated with her. for whatever reason, i had even less patience than usual- which is already something i know i desperately lack.

i can feel myself falling into that space again. once again, the brunt of it falling on my now 4.5 yr old.

i've always felt an unusually strong maternal instinct towards my daughter. whether its because she was my first born, or because she's a girl, i don't know. but i've often struggled with this need for her to be something she's not-- me.

from the beginning i knew lily was going to be high maintenance. from her coming out screeching, to b having to pace from our living room to our kitchen for weeks in the middle of the night just to get her to sleep. i know a lot of it was us me.

although most would describe me as pretty laid back, i've thought and re-thought most details of my life-- i'm just not super vocal about it. so naturally, to have a drama queen for a daughter kind of goes against what i've been trying to avoid my entire life. i've worked hard to give off the illusion that i'm not high strung, or emotional or a control freak, so to have this daughter who embodies all this creates a real chasm for me --whether i admit it or not.

the reality is, i love being a woman. but i often have a hard time with the stereotypes that come with it. i've written about it before, but i often struggle with how to be strong and vocal, but not bitchy and overpowering. so much of being a strong woman quickly gets converted into something negative. i want to embrace all the things that make us girls what we are. i want it to be okay for me to be emotional and dramatic and high maintenance, but more importantly i want it to be okay for my daughter to be. i want to love her and guide her into harnessing those crazy aspects of her personality into being some bad ass doctor, or CEO someday. i don't want to feel conflicted about what the bible says about being docile and submissive, but i also don't want to raise a narcissistic brat. i want my husband and my inlaws to enjoy having little girls and to not be burdened by it, or apprehensive of the future. i want to be able to embrace the drama and not try and kick its ass everyday.

so how do i handle those mornings when i realize the ONE pair of socks lily will wear right now are dirty? or when she insists on changing her outfit just to run to the grocery store real quick? or when she gets super attitudy and mean around her grandparents, or brother, or us? do i freak out on her (like i want to so bad and regretfully have) and tell her she's being totally unreasonable about her socks or that she won't have any friends if she doesn't change her attitude? or do i make myself a drink take a deep deep breath, pray for patience and the wisdom to handle the situation?

chances are, these days.. i'll chose to freak out... cuz after all

bitches. be. crazy.

myself included.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

stretching thanks

most of our week leading up to thanksgiving was spent in preparations. my mother in law came down monday to help out with the kids, and get ready for thursdays festivities. when b got off at noon on wed i made a quick trip to the store to get the last few things. thursday, we were expecting 10 people-- our family, my in laws, both my parents and b's grandma.

as i was leaving ralph's i saw a girl, prolly in her early 20's with a sign asking for food or shelter. now for most of you reading this, this isn't unique. at most shopping center exits across the nation, and in your own neighborhoods there are homeless people with those cardboard signs we know so well. most of us are so conditioned to seeing them, we don't think twice. we may give them some change, or say a quick prayer, but rarely are we moved to do anymore. i'm usually no different. but in osos, we know our homeless. we really only have one- a homeless lady- and everyone who lives here knows who she is and how to help her if they are so inclined. needless to say, seeing this young girl at ralph's really caught me off guard.

what struck me about this girl, was that i noticed across the street a young guy pushing a double stroller with a little girl in it. i rolled down the window and handed her the only cash i had-- $5. i told her good luck and god bless her and was on my way. as i drove and thought about her more, tears came to my eyes as i thought about their little girl. there was so much i wanted to do, and felt like i should do, but like so many of us i felt paralyzed. when i got home i called lealah to ask her if she had seen them and if she knew who they were. she didn't, and hadn't seen them. after talking a bit about them, she asked me if i wanted to pray for them. the one thing i really wanted to communicate with god was that i didn't want to absolve myself of responsibility, so if i was supposed to do something else, would he please quicken my spirit--or in other words, make it really obvious.

what i really wanted was for someone else to pick them up, clean them, feed them, and provide shelter for them. but if i was really honest with myself i knew what i really wanted was not to see them anymore and just assume the former was what happened. i started feeling guilty that i would have such a warm, abundant, family filled thanksgiving. with 3 small kids, the last thing i have time for is taking in a family of 3 right? and what about our safety? yet,i was conflicted-- cuz daily i pray that our family wouldn't just talk the talk, that god would provide us opportunities to walk the talk. and the thing is, i grew up with this sort of thing. wanderers and vagabonds were no strangers in our house growing up. i'm not gonna glamorize it and say we met all kinds of interesting people, cuz the reality was, was most of the people smelled horrible, were maybe really overweight, or even more often, struggling with a sort of depression or addiction i pray none of us will never know. as awkward as some of those holidays were, i know its the sort of thing that created an empathy in me i likely would not have had.

i arrived home with all these thoughts jostling around in my mind. as i walked in the door, my mother in law informed me that she would be leaving that evening and half of our expected company would not be coming at all due to b's grandma falling ill. so with a fridge full of food to feed at least 15, i realized it would only be us, and my mom and dad.

thursday morning came and honestly i didn't think once of the family. we started cooking, then took a break to enjoy some 80 degree weather at the canyon with my family. as we played in the tidepools and on the dunes, i again felt so thankful for my life. we came home and my parents had arrived and continued cooking, watching football and listening to christmas music. as i looked over and saw my dad playing trucks with oz, and lily and my mom dressing up dolls, i realized i hadn't had both my parents together like this since i was 7 years old. i could write a whole other blog about that, but i'll spare my family skeletons-- for now anyway:)

at about 3 in the afternoon lealah texted me and asked us if we could feed her dog for her. we kind of forgot till about 5 when we were about an hour from dinner being ready. b said he'd run over there. as i pulled together the last few things, b came home, and when i asked how it went he said fine. then sort of in passing he said, 'i saw the homeless family in front of ralph's.'

'really?' was my reply.


at this point my mom chimes in asking what we're talking about. i tell her the story of how i saw them and how they have a kid and how sad it is.

her response?

'we have to go get them.'

b comes in from checking the turkey and i ask him if its okay if we go get the family. he says sure. i get my keys and my dad asks where we're going. i tell him we are gonna go get a homeless family from in front of ralph's.

his response?

'sounds good. i'm used to that. i can't tell you how many times your mom brought home homeless people for holidays.'

as we're driving, my mom and i start praying. i'm beginning to feel nervous. i start having all those crazy thoughts like how embarrassing this might be, or if they're gonna steal from us, or of course, my default fear--what if they have the swine flu? then i start hoping they are gone, someone picked them up and we're relieved. then as we round the corner, i start getting excited. this is totally what we're supposed to do. this is what god would want, and i'm stoked my kids will have this opportunity. my mom, who's all to familiar with these situations reminds me that if they do come over, we have to be prepared to drop them back off-- potentially on the streets.

'its never easy,' she says.

we pull up and there they are.

my mom opens up the car door and announces, 'we want you to come to our house for thanksgiving dinner!'

girl (blushing)- 'gosh, wow that's so nice.. uh?? (looking to her husband for help)

guy- 'oh wow, uh, well we don't have a car.'

my mom- 'we can take you, we've got this van. your stroller will fit and everything.'

guy- 'oh, well we don't have a carseat for the baby.'

mom- 'that's fine, we've got carseats!'

guy- 'oh well, someone just brought us a couple plates of food.'

mom- 'we'd really love to have you, its my daughters house. she's got 3 kids, we've got so much food.'

i chime in nervously, 'yeah, really you guys should come.'

guy-'you know, i feel a little strange going to someones house i don't even know for thanksgiving.'

me- 'okay, but do you guys have somewhere to go tonite?'

girl-'yeah, actually we are watching someones house for them. we were just trying to get a little money to buy some milk for the baby and sodas for us.'

me-'okay, if you're sure. (they nod) you guys have a good night. god bless you. happy thanksgiving.

them- 'oh thanks so much. you guys are really sweet. we really appreciate it.'

when we pulled up to our house i could see my dad and b through the window. i joked with my mom that i bet they are prolly so nervous right now wondering what we accomplished. when we walked in alone the kids were bummed we didn't have the family, but hopefully they got the gist.

my mom decided the biggest irony about the situation was that here we were so nervous and apprehensive about letting them into our home-- we didn't even consider how awkward it might be for them. my mom said she really appreciated their honesty in saying they weren't sure if they wanted to spend thanksgiving with people they didn't even know. can you blame them?

i'll never forget this piper sermon i heard once. he was talking about giving money to beggars. his angle was that we can't question what they are going to do with the money.

we just give.

cuz do we want to stand before god someday and say, 'i never gave him a dime, i knew he was gonna spend it on booze.' or do we want to say, 'i gave him what i could. i prayed for him and loved him even though i never knew if it made a difference.'

even though we didn't succeed in saving the family in the way we thought, i can't tell you how good it felt to walk it out.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

hair bear

well hello little hair bear!

oz finally decides to hold his lil sister!

proud big sister!

tali's first bath

i guess she doesn't love it.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

a little labor story... ok its really long.

*contains some slightly graphic content. if you are man, unless you love labor stories, you might want to pass on this one. if not, don't say i didn't warn you. also this is a long post, feel free to skip down where you get into the meat of the story*

once upon a time there was a 25 yr old girl, who after 2 years of wedded bliss found herself with child. now being the young girl she was, she didn't have many friends who had yet had kids themselves. seeing as how she had no younger siblings and had not done much babysitting in her younger years, she really didn't know much about this baby business. therefore as she got bigger and bigger, and people began to question her about how she envisioned her labor, she immediately seized up in fear. labor was, in her eyes, the worst of the five letter words.

her one friend who had gone through it had invited her to be in the room during the birth of her first son. this young girl found it to be terribly beautiful, but also devastatingly frightening. you see, her friend had opted for a 'natural childbirth.'

with the prodding of her one 'experienced' friend she decided to look into this natural childbirth business, and signed up for some childbirth education classes (aka lamaze) with a local known doula. without being overly in your face about it, this doula hypnotized educated this young girl and thousands others into pursuing an epidural free labor.

now did i mention this young girl is a total wimp, has a very low pain tolerance, and really nothing in common with rosie the riveter. she typically takes shortcuts, and cuts corners in all areas. not much about her shouts- 'i'm a bad ass and i wanna have this baby naturally even if i tear to high hell!' in fact when her time finally came, the dr had the nerve to announce that 'this is gonna be the first baby i'm gonna deliver that'll be bigger than the mom!' the labor came and went and with the help of her one friend who acted as a doula, and her amazing husband who literally took every single guttural breath with her...

she did it.


and it. hurt. like. hell.

fast forward a year later. she's pregnant again. this time she's feeling more inclined to consider other options after a long recovery including words like hemorrhoids and fissures.
yet her time comes, and she gets to the hospital, and 2 hrs later her son is born. her joy is overshadowed by the fact that she is getting sewn up for an hour as they consider whether or not she needs a catheter because she tore all the way up to her urethra. in the end she leaves the hospital a mother of two with a very sore geeg.

there you have it. one happy family with one boy and one girl. the young girl isn't so young anymore and decides if she is going to have another baby she should do it soon, cuz 30 is knocking down her door. after much consideration, she takes the plunge and is ecstatic to find out her last baby will in fact be, a baby girl. this time, she knows one thing for sure: she will not suffer... she will, at all costs, get the epidural.

this is her account of how she experienced a completely different childbirth experience...

the midwives told me i had to get to the hospital as soon as i knew i was in labor to ensure time enough to get the epidural. a week prior to tali's birth i was sure i was in labor and going to have the baby. all week i waited and wondered. finally monday (the 26th) came around. i had the feeling again- this is going to happen soon. monday afternoon i went on a long walk and promptly came home and had the ria. after dinner, we put the kids to bed and i went to the bathroom again. not normal. i sat down to watch tv and began timing my contractions. they were about every 5 mins, but not necessarily increasing. (i had been having contractions for weeks-sometimes really regularly) i was pretty sure i was in labor, but definitely the beginning stages. after my mom got out here, i dragged brandon we made our way to the hospital where i had to run into the ER bathroom to go, yet again. it was midnight by the time we got a bed and the nurse checked me. i was still at 3 and 75% effaced. the nurse told me she talked to the midwives and they said since that was what i was a week ago, maybe i should go home and wait till they pick up.
that sounded like a horrible idea.
what if they suddenly start picking up and i couldn't get the epidural??? fortunately the nurse was on my team, and told me she was going to admit me even though they only had one bed available! once we settled in, she began running the IV, and told me she had called the anesthesiologist, and he would be there shortly. relief.

at 2 am she checked me again, and i was barely a 4. she called the midwives and said i was going to stay. they agreed. by 3 am things had started picking up a bit and i was having to breathe through a few of them. i was starting to get anxious. what if he didn't get here soon? i couldn't bear the thought of having to do this naturally. at 3:15, like a breath of fresh air, in flew dr raj. with the precision of a trained ninja he took away my pain immediately. i cannot tell you how trippy it was to suddenly not feel anything! after he left, b and i decided to get some zzzz's. so from about 4 to 7, we slept. it was a pleasant sleep, even though i kept jolting awake and thinking, 'did i have the baby? no? okay, but i can't sleep to long, i have to have a baby soon.' it was, for lack of a better word, pretty surreal.

at 7 the new nurse came in and said the midwives wanted to start me on pitocin cuz they were thinking i wasn't really in labor. however, since no one had checked me since 3 am, she decided too. when she declared i was pushing a 7, we were all shocked. b ran out to get some coffee and bagels, and by the time he got back we were gearing up for a baby.
but first i slept a bit more... cuz i could.
at 9 the midwife was there. i was almost a 9. she decided to break my water. lealah waltzed in at 9:30 and we all just chatted like we were having drinks at guissepee's. lisa (the midwife) told me when i felt some pressure, i could push. sounds good. about 3 pushes later, out popped a little dark haired angel...

i did tear a bit, but not nearly as bad as i did with the other two. lisa was amazing at guiding me through the pushing-- had me slow down and did the ol perennial massage. she stitched me up quickly, and i was able to hold and enjoy my last born baby. i'm not gonna lie, and say i was without pain entirely. during the pushing, i felt some mildly uncomfortable pressure and the familiar sting of the ring of fire...

all in all, it was an awesome experience. if i had to sum all three of them up, it might go something like this. with lily, i was pretty determined to do it naturally, and even though it hurt terribly bad, i was proud in the end. when she came out i was overwhelmed and happy to have her. with oz, it hurt something fierce. i felt totally out of control towards the end and pretty sure i was going to die. when he finally came out, i felt relieved and thankful to have a healthy baby boy. with tali, i felt so peaceful and pleasant during the labor. when she finally came out, i felt a joy i didn't have with the others. maybe it was because i wasn't in such tremendous physical pain, or maybe because i knew she was my last... whatever the case-- i am so happy its over and that she is sleeping on my chest while i write this...
so three cheers to modern medicine... i am a believer.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

in living color...

here are some shots of our first couple weeks with miss thang!


and i promise next time i'll get some pics of her hair... its a force to be reckoned with.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

a glimpse...

well, now that i am officially a mother of 3 for 1 whole week, i thought i'd share with you some highs and lows of this last week.

high- epidural. that thing was dreamy. look for the complete labor story (that mostly involved me sleeping) to come in the next week or so.

low- tearing... yet again. but not as bad as the other two!

low- having to wear diapers and nasty hospital underwear. tucks. pads, and more pads. for what seems like forever.

high- a healthy baby!

high- coming home from the hospital!

low- coming home from the hospital...

high- seeing my daughters sheer joy upon meeting tali, and my sons amazement and gentle touch with her.

low- feeling super overwhelmed thinking about how i'm going to manage 3 kids.

high- having an amazing husband who can literally clean, feed and entertain his 3 kids and his wife without complaining.

high- stool softeners

low- feeling like i was never going to feel better, and just being utterly exhausted.

high- tali is an awesome night sleeper. mastered the side nurse on second nite home!

low- tali acts like a pacifier is an abomination.

low- feeling like i don't have enough to give to my older ones.

high- my milk came in after 1.5 days!

low- my milk is in. ouch!

high- lily just sitting and adoring tali. asking to change her outfit every 15 mins...

high- seeing my husband adore his new baby girl.

high- (my favorite) on our first nite home at about 6 am tali started crying... in bounds lily with her hair all wild and her hand over her mouth giggling and smiling. i've never known anyone who is so delighted and excited to be woken up by a crying baby...

high- my mom taking the kids pretty much all week so i can just rest and be with tali.

high- meals every other day for 2 weeks!

so there you have it, a glimpse into my life this last week. i promise more pictures next time... my mother in law's got like a 112... i only have like 7.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Tali June

Talia June Rodgers
October 27, 2009
10:06 AM
7 lbs, 7 oz
20.5" long

a bit about the name...
Talia is a contraction of two Hebrew words (tal and y-uh), and means "dew of G‑d."

Dew and rain are both considered great divine blessings, both mentioned many times in the Bible. Of the two, however, dew is considered a greater blessing. This is for several reason, one being that dew is constant, while rain is less dependable. Another advantage of dew is that it is always a blessing, whereas rain is not. Rain can fall to the extent that it is damaging, while dew brings only good.

Chassidic texts explain that rain and dew are both metaphors for divine bounty. Rain isn't a constant, at times there are droughts, because the divine blessing symbolized by rain is dependent on human effort and merit—which aren't always constant. Dew, on the other hand, represents G‑d's kindness that isn't contingent on our actions or behavior, the kindness that stems from His unceasing and immutable love for His children.

With that, we present talia. We are overjoyed and so thankful for a happy, healthy baby.

Monday, October 26, 2009

blah blah blah... you're still talking about yourself?


i've never been good with details.

undoubtedly i've inherited this from my mom. its scary, cuz she's even worse than me. if you got a haircut, or lost some weight, or bought some new jeans, don't come lookin to me for some acknowledgement, cuz i ain't gonna notice.

i like to think i'm not phased by people's changes in vanity, but the reality is its likely cuz i'm just a bit on the selfish side. its like when you go to prom and you are sooooo worried about the zit on your chin, yet when you get there it doesn't matter cuz everyone else is sooo focused on themselves--that's kind of like me everyday of my life. some may call it being self-absorbed, others may call it apathy. but whatever the case, i really suck at seeing the small things. it doesn't just start and stop with appearance though. even in my own day to day existence, i never remember to wear earrings or bracelet's, or think to add a scarf or even a a bra to an outfit. you may think,'is this really that big of a deal?' i don't know, but through all this i know one thing is for sure... i could never be an fbi profiler.

on the other hand it seems as if i have bred two small children that may have a future as spies. oz and lil can get straight jason bourne on my ass.

it really trips me out.

i've always known oz is my little brandon. from an early obsession preoccupation with ceiling fans, to his current loves-- cars, elevators and escalators. i've known oz has got engineer written all over him. lils on the other hand uses her freakish skills to notice every item of clothing and jewelry i own-- she calls it 'fashion.' the other night i put on a tank top i apparently hadn't worn in awhile, and when lily saw me she promptly replied, "mom, you haven't worn that since jess's baby shower."

that was over a year ago people.

if i wear a new necklace, or put on perfume, lily is the first one to notice. or if you're feeling especially unlucky, lily will straight denounce your outfit as "not fashion." and the crazy thing is, she's usually right. but it doesn't stop with lils, oz on the other hand continues to blow my mind with his uncanny car associations. he will see a honda odyssey and announce, "looks like lealah's car." or a honda crv, "looks like mimi's car." or a honda civic, "looks like daddo's car." or a volvo suv, "looks like erin's car." you get the picture. color is irrelevant, he sees the car and knows. its super weird. the other day he even saw a chevy truck and said, "looks like shelley's car, but its not." (she drives a chevy suburban). however, i will say this whole car and wheel obsession did finally work in my favor as i potty trained him. cuz apparently peeing on car wheels is waaaay better than peeing in the toilet.

i guess it shouldn't surprise that me that not only do my kids not act like me, but they seem to have missed out on most of my physical traits as well. i often look at pictures such as this one and think, 'who's the freak with the brown hair anyway?'

its weird to barely fit into to your family.

which leads me to my last hope. come any minute now, if tali doesn't come out with brown hair, freckles and inherent love for soccer, i may just have to adopt a fourth. apparently i married a man with freakishly strong genes... blond hair and sporatic bouts of OCD abound.
although i joke about my frustration of having such a girly daughter, and engineerish son, really in my heart, i am so proud. and really, i'm not gonna hold my breath for tali... something tells me that though she may come out with a mess of black hair-- ultimately she'll follow the rest and pierce our eyes with platinum locks and introverted ways. in any event, i know i'll be proud...

so what about y'all? what trips you out about your kids?

Sunday, October 18, 2009

a new namesake?

after a late night celebrating lealah's bday, i was so looking forward to sleeping in this morning. somehow we've fallen into this pattern of me sleeping in both weekend days while b hangs with the kids. now before everyone gets all riled up, we do switch, and inevitably b goes surfing, or running or just away. its kind of our deal... as previously mentioned, sleep is not sacred to him.

so this morning was slated to be no different, except my mom had spent the night knowing we'd be home late from the party. when the kids came in our bed at 7 am, i caught wind of the idea that my mom was going to take them to the preschool church and we would basically be kid less till 12 or so. i sent b down to manage their hair, clothes and bowel movements... but found myself unable to relax. who knew i was such a control freak? i wanted to sleep, but had to know... was lily's hair a rats nest, did oz reek of urine from the night before, did anyone poop yet? i finally gave in to my tossing and turning and came downstairs all to find hair in tact, slight wafts of pee, and to my chagrin -- no poop. i'd say b was 90% successful.

then they were gone.

all of them.

mom with kids, and b off surfing.

its 8:30 am on sunday morning and i'm alone. its ironic how we plead and beg for this kinda time, but then when we get it, suddenly we don't want it. perhaps i'm just feeling a little over emotional cuz baby #3 is imminent--as in i've pooped 4 times in the last 12 hours-- 7 of them spent sleeping. it seems crazy that i would be so preoccupied with the kids leaving this morning without my care, when really with this new baby i won't have the time to obsess on these little things.

which leads me to my next point... why its never good to leave a 39wks pregnant mother of 2 alone for to long. too much time to think is typically not recommended for someone in my condition. as evidenced in some of my recent posts, my little mind gets a runnin, and there ain't no one around to distract me. now that i'm mostly over my swine flu fears, i've moved on to more practical fears-- like how the hell am i gonna survive with 3 kids under 4.5? and then i remember the two sweetest words... my mom.

but the real question of the morning is for all of you. we knew even before we knew we were having a girl that we would name her lily pearl. it was a done deal. we were both in total agreement and absolutely loved the name. it never occurred to me she would be anyone else. fast forward 4 years and i still lay claim--- she is all lily. yet its taken me awhile to get to this point. as i've mentioned before, when lily came out, she was not what i expected. i was imagining a peaceful little blond hair, blue eyed baby girl. what i got was a grip of black hair, an unusually low hairline, and a raging screamer. it wasn't but hours after she was born when i began to feel like her name should be lucy. for probably a good year and half she felt like a lucy to me. but as time went on, she grew to be lily, and only lily.

soooo... its possible that over drinks i was not drinking last night, we decided to change tali's name. suddenly it became so clear she should be someone else. even b was on board, which is kind of crazy, cuz we had talked about this name before without much success. yet today as i researched her on the ol world wide web, i started thinking this really might be our daughters perfect namesake... heck she even looks like she could be related to us b, lily and oz.

so without further ado... i give you tali's competition. any guesses, thoughts?

Thursday, October 8, 2009

bitterness runneth over

my husband rarely sits still. he is the opposite of idle. if he's not working on our neva-ending house, surfing, running, checking the surf, mountain biking, or mowing the lawn-- you still won't find him loafing on the couch. i've seen him nap maybe eight times in 10 years. to put it lightly, the dude is always doing something.

for someone like me who's hobbies consist of sitting on the couch, reading, bronzing and 49er football, i sure can seem like a real loser. yet i digress... this post isn't about me, i think.

back to b. so, even though he has a truckload of hobbies to engage in, he's always looking for the next big thing. a couple weekends ago he and 3 of his buddies loaded up their shiz and headed to the american river to try their hand at river rafting. now, i'm not one to brag, but on our honeymoon in NZ, b and i not only went bungee jumping and black water rafting, but we also river rafted the highest (14 ft) commercially rafted waterfall. i know, i'm kind of a bad ass... so how fun could a water rafting trip with his buddies really be?

when b and his buddies decided they'd do this, they took all the necessary steps- as in got permission from their wives.

now did i mention i'm 9 months pregnant, and i've got 2 kids? did you know that picking up hot wheels and doll clothes-- let alone putting on my shoes is a real struggle? *did you know that this "little weekend away" translates into 3 bedtimes alone, 8 meals alone, and worst of all 3-4 hours of getting our daughter to poop.* now i'm not trying to act like a martyr here, but really i just want you to understand where i'm coming from.

needless to say, surviving each week in my 'condition' is no easy feat. so to have b leave for the whole weekend (as in get home at 11pm sunday night) all to just start it all again solo monday morning was more than a sacrifice. not to mention hours of having to feel a bit crazy all weekend wondering if he was even still alive...

so to have him come home all fired up about river rafting was a bit much. i shouldn't have been surprised at his new found enthusiasm. afterall- nothing like a new hobbie right?

but...looking up videos on youtube of all the different "big" rapids he went down (cuz to be honest the footage they captured looked like the hot tub at kennedy with the jets on), and telling me how much beer they got to drink was a little more than i could muster up enthusiasm for.

did i mention i haven't had a drink in 9 months?

...staying up to the wee hours of night researching river rafting equipment, and places to go in the 'off-season'....


i know i sound like a a whining, bitter wife dripping faucet. and most of you are thinking, 'get over it you selfish biaatch'. and maybe you're right. i should be a little happy for him. he had fun-- he's got a stressful life - having to sit at a desk all day making important decisions about temperature...

and really, if i'm completely honest, after seeing their little video about the weekend, i may or may not have cracked a wee smile and felt just a twinge of happiness for him... which is good. i'm glad they had their adventure, their pictures, their beer and their fun. cuz really...

he's. never. leaving. again.

*i was not completely alone... my mom - like always- came through for a significant amount of the trip... but i was alone for the worst part... the poop.*

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

to DO IT or not... that is the question

now that i'm nearing the end of this epic pregnancy, i thought i'd take a moment to highlight some of the pros and cons of being knocked up.

in case you were on the fence about whether or not to have another kid... maybe i can shed some light on the situation for you.

since i'm a naturally a cynical optimist, i'll start with pros.


- hall pass to eat whatever you want- guilt free (unless you go to my midwives)

-not having to work-out for 10 months if you don't want to

- people in general are very nice to pregnant women- they open doors, and just smile at you. or yell "you're awesome!" while getting in the pool at the gym.

-there's nothing quite like feeling your baby move- like a unicorn thrashing ladybug kisses

-ahem- a definitely increased libido- ahem

-and while we're on the topic--- big boobs (not yet full of milk)

-witnessing your daughters sheer joy in knowing that god is giving her a sister

-little tiny pink onesies


-feeling hungover for a good 6 weeks to start

-the in-between time when people aren't sure if you're pregnant and just think you are getting fat

-all the tests and procedures-- worrying if your baby is healthy

-all those comments... you know the ones.

-get this thing out of me. NOW. feeling sooooo done.

-umm, labor and delivery.

-feeling crazy in your head


-i could really use a drink

hmm, looks like cons outweigh the pros... but did i mention, that in about a months time i, lord willingly, will have in my arms a living miracle? yeah, i'm pretty sure that blows doors on any con....

Thursday, September 24, 2009

can you please get in touch with your un-crazy side?

the other day my best friend called me to ask me to pray for her son. he fell off a ladder in their house and hit his head pretty bad. they were rushing to the doctor because he started throwing up.

as a parent, there is nothing in this world more terrifying than seeing your child in pain.

in this pregnant brain of mine, i've definitely been getting in touch with my severly crazy side. i'm a pretty laid back person, and consequently a pretty laid back parent. the majority of my days are pre-occcupied with thoughts of how i can get my kids to eat more protein, behave civily, and for goodness sake -- go poop without crying.

however as of late- my former, somewhat peacebale thoughts have been trampled by some more severe topics...

such as...

'why do pedaphiles seem to target little blond haired girls?'

'we are all going to die of the swine flu this winter'

'in the night, someone will probably break into our house and kidnap our kids... and our good for nothing dog will just let it happen'

'brandon will probably get hit by a car on one of his long night runs out in the park'

'my whole family might die in a car accident like the chick from the biggest loser'

this is just the tip of the iceberg.

not that you need any ammo to believe i'm crazy, hey you read my blog right?

i know god is bigger than all of this. i know that when its our time... its our time and really there isn't any point laboring in it. yet i still go back to this place.

is it because i'm under the impression that because i thought of it myself beforehand i'll be that much more prepared if it does happen? not really. i think all of us would agree that there is no way to prepare for a tragedy. that we can choose to live every day in fear of what could happen, or we can take each day and treasure and enjoy what we have... like an amazing husband, and the two cutest kids in the world.

soooo today, i with my best friend will choose life... thank you jesus that he totally okay!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

i wanna talk about me!

ahhh... back at linnea's for some more "me" time. just been reading my two favorite bloggers... and wonder to myself, "how rad would it be to just write blogs all the time and have thousands of people read it..." one can dream. this blogger is basically my alter ego. kinda like garth's chris gain's... though perhaps not as crude (as in i think it, but don't have the cajones to write it) --this woman truly, truly makes me laugh, and cry. this other one, is my latest indulgence, and though she's in a bit of a rough spot, she is funny as hell.

so anyway we had a fun weekend with the pollards visiting, and though i felt bad-- i did bail on everyone saturday night for a little girls night out. it was over drinks at guissepe's that we solved most of the world's problems, including our own marriages, our sex lives, and discussed some really good books. all in all it was good to get away, with little to no mention of our kids. not bad, for a group of women that has 13 kids between us all. towards the end of the evening i decided to steer the conversation towards something i'd been thinking bout recently.

it came about as i was going through pictures of my kids in their infant days. obviously most kids change quite a bit from birth, but to go from a mess of raging black hair to platinum blondes can be a bit drastic. naturally i started thinking about what tali will look like... will she finally be the one that gets b's striking blue eyes, or my freckles? will she be more mellow, or less girly than lils? i know i've gone through most of this before... but i got to thinking... what if we did get to choose??

so i asked b the other day on a family outing to san simeon, "if you could pass on one physical trait to your children, what would it be?

he paused, thought for a bit and said-- "prolly my back hair.... ha. just kidding. i don't know. maybe my blond hair?"

yeah, lucky you i thought, cuz you pretty much cloned our kids... most days i search for signs physically and emotionally for myself in those biscuits.

then i said, "if you could pass on one personality trait to the kids, what would it be?"

he said, "i don't know... i guess that i'm pretty easy going."

"really?" i said... "i think i should pick this one for you... even though its not really a personality trait, i would def choose your intelligence. i'd be so stoked if the kids got your brains."

needless to say, he liked that.

so then he asked me, and i won't embarrass myself with my first answer, cuz b rolled his eyes and told me i was totally vain. but after thinking it through, i decided my physical trait would be my boobs when i'm pregnant my metabolism- my friends tried to argue that wasn't a physical trait, but i'm gonna stick with it. As for personality... no brainer. my wit.

ha.... i know what y'all are thinking...
"you're so vain, you probably think this blog is about you, don't you, don't you?"

so now that i've succeeded in bragging myself and my husband out... what you guys got? i know that of the 12 of you that read this, half of you were at the girls night and already answered, but you could tell us all again? and lets hear from the other contingent uh?

Sunday, September 13, 2009

sunday school

our conversation on the way to church today...

oz: 'mom, where we going?'
me: 'goin to chuch bud.'
oz: 'don't wanna go to church.'
lily: 'oz, its ok... you can be in my class today.'
oz: 'i wanna be in sissy's class mom.'
me: 'that's fine oz, you can be in sissy's class, it'll be fun.'
lily: 'yeah oz, you'll like my class. its really fun, we have mr. potato head, and playdough. but we also have a time where we learn a lesson about jesus.'
oz: 'oh, jesus.'
lily: 'yeah, jesus. jesus is in our heart (points to heart), but also up in the sky.
oz: 'oh, jesus is in the sky? like god?
lily: 'yeah, jesus came to earth though.'
oz: 'i scarry (scared) of god in the sky.'
lily: 'he's not scarry oz, he came to earth.'
oz: 'why did he come to earth?'
lily: 'he came to earth to come be with us, and to you know, build things and stuff. right mom?'
me: 'yeah, he built things.'
oz: 'like my pecker?'
lily: baffled
oz: 'mom, jesus came to earth to build my pecker right?'
me: 'uhhh, sure bud.'
oz: 'well, did he?'
me: 'yes oz, jesus built your pecker.'

once again, it all comes back to the pecker in the rodgers household.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

presk mourning, technology woes, and FREEDOM

oh man is it trippy to just hang out at linnea's all morning. i got like a million thoughts foraging about. i just dropped my kids off at presk-- somewhat successfully i might add. and now i just get to chill the freak out.

its been awhile since i've got to rendezvous as a sultry (ahem slutty) coed. being 8 months pregnant, i can't exactly rock the polly dolly illusion. despite my bikini top (goin swimming after this) and my roxy shoes, i'm weighted down by my super cute new necklace from make pie with my 3 babies names on it, a fair share of grey hair, def more wrinkles than my alpha phi neighbor, and apparently an oversized laptop.

the last thing i thought i'd be self-conscious about as i imagined my leisurely morning was the size of my laptop.

i mean its no 13"MacBook, but its still a newish dell-- that's black and got a ben harper sticker on it. adding to my technology complex was the fact that i wasn't sure i'd know how to connect to linnea's free wireless network. do i need a password, a card, ethernet (wasn't that what we used in the dorms?). so many questions... however the stress of the technology has taken my mind off the fact that my babies really are growing up.

i tried not to get to sentimental about the kids first day of presk. i slept great (no surprise), and awoke with a spring in my step. of course i knew getting lily dressed would take a good 25 minutes, so i started early. after our usual shoe crisis, a little hair-do and some lip gloss she was ready to go. oz was easy peazy. my big goal was to get him to pee right before we left, and to my delight he even threw down a deuce on the potty. thankfully my mom met me there to assimilate oz. lily was cake, she had a couple friends from last year in her class, so she went in no prob. and again to my surprise, oz didn't cry when my mom left. it was a true miracle! so there i was, driving away alone... when suddenly i started feeling a twinge of sadness, and guilt or something weird.

but before i could get all crazy, i decided to start worrying. 'what if lily has to poop? there is no way she'll go at presk-- i hope she doesn't get mopey cuz she has to go, but won't. and 'i'm pretty sure there is no way oz is going to tell his teachers when he has to pee... even if he does are they ready for his slightly angled stream?' strange that both of my concerns for my kids involved the potty.

then i got to linnea's and seriously, and hour into this.... it's like-- 'what kids?'

this is gonna be a sweeeeet next couple months.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

our dog days of summer

when i went upstairs to get ready for bed the other night, i saw the hat i'd been using during swim lessons, and felt a twinge of sadness. in so many ways i am sooooo ready to get this baby out and on with life, but as it really gets closer (ahem 2 months to go) i'm finding some of the feelings i had before oz was born surfacing. in no way is it as dramatic as this, but i have been noticing some little pangs sprouting up now and again like i did tonite.

before oz was born i felt so much trepidation and anxiety about how lily would do with another little biscuit in the mix. i was consumed with fear and apprehension about how her little world was gonna shift so dramatically. in hindsight, i recognize that her being only 19 months old when oz was born was such a gift, cuz she truly has no memory of life without him. everyone told me how great it'd be when they got older, and finally (as in the last 5 months) am i really seeing that. their age gap seems to be lessening daily, not only physically (as in i hear at least once a day, "are they twins?") but developmentally as well. they often almost feel like one kid, cuz despite their dramatically different taste in toys, their temperaments and schedules are one in the same. they wake about the same time, like the same foods, nap or don't nap, and go to bed at the same time. i can honestly say that having 2 kids has never been easier.

my goal for the summer was to keep the kids out of preschool and just have a lot of fun before tali comes. i imagined swim lessons, gymnastics, dance, horseback, vbs, beach days, kids museums, walks down by the bay, barbie jeep rides, camping, bonfires and ice cream. i got all of that and then some. it has been such a fun summer. i feel like my kids are thriving, and consequently so am i. i got a healthy bronze about my bossoming body and i just feel good inside and out. i feel fortunate and thankful to have the resources financially and geographically to get to do all these soul nourishing activities. so naturally as it comes to a close (not without one last family vaca to SD) i find myself a bit saddened to say goodbye. i'm realizing i was so pre-occupied with how we would fill our days, i never got so far as to process the end of them.

come this morning, i had the privilege to drop both my babies off at presk. it will be the first time in 4 years that i've had a set amount of hours to myself. let me just say, i am terribly excited. i know its only a month and half of this solitude before my 3rd offspring comes a roaring, but i'll tell you what... i'm gonna milk those 6 hrs a week for all they've got. i'm imagining long swims at the gym, reading and laying out by the pool, leisurely mornings at linnea's with the good book and a journal, and of course just some good ol fashioned laziness on my couch with matt, al and meredith. just as the summer passed in the blink of an eye, undoubtedly so will my solo time...

the kids-- well mostly lily are ecstatic to welcome tali into our family. daily, lily asks me if she can go through tali's clothes. just last night, as she was organizing and talking to herself about all tali's outfits, she turned to me and said, "mom, i cannot wait till tali's born."


it was so sincere, and unprompted. it really brings me overwhelming joy to know that lily is so ready for this baby. granted, i know it will be hard at times for her, but to know now that she has such a bright anticipation of a new baby now is so incredibly comforting. its almost like if they're ready, then why shouldn't i be?

so cheers to one bad ass summer.... but i got a sneakin suspicion fall could top it!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

big mama

so i thought i'd take this five minute break from my pretzels and pub cheese to tell y'all bout my day. it's not something i've heard before, and frankly i'm a tad embarrassed, but i think i might feel better if i get it off my chest- ahem. well not my chest, cuz i'm likin them lately.

i digress.

rumor has it, i'm 29 weeks pregnant. that puts me in my 3rd trimester. its possible that at 29 weeks i look exactly the same as i did at 39 weeks when i was pregnant with lily. i know lots of pregnant moms like to put 'weekly' pictures up of their sprouting belly. you know the ones-- its taken by themselves in the mirror, making a cute, but not smiling face-- trying to look casual, but they're usually in one of their cuter maternity tank tops- or a wife beater, with little makeup, but definitely lipstick... i got nothing against that, its just not my thing. but since i was able to dig up this picture of me pregnant with lily - taken at about 39 weeks, i thought i'd take a current one just so you could see what a little gordita i've become.

don't say it, i know i look way young here,
and it is hard to tell just how small i am, but this
was me at 39 weeks i delivered 2 weeks later-
cuz lils was a week late.
haven't quite mastered the look, but
i'm trying! oz really enjoying it.

when i was pregnant with lily i never got those wow responses. as in 'wow, you've still got a long way to go!' or 'wow, are you sure you don't got twins in there?' or 'wow, that's going to be one big baby!' with lily, it was always like, 'wow, you are tiny! is the baby okay?' with oz, i got more of those wow you've really put it on comments and looks, but it still didn't really bother me. it was kind of a nice change after everyone being so 'concerned' that i was so small with lily. now i know many of you are thinking, come on holly. how big could you really be? your like a buck - ten with no baby, we don't feel sorry for you... well lets just say today at my 29 week check up with the midwives, our conversation went a bit like this:

midwife: 'well, you are about 29 weeks (pause as she checks her notes) and it looks like you've gained 25 lbs already. hmm, yeah. that's a bit on the high side.

me: 'oh, really? wow. gosh that came quick.'

midwife: 'yeah, you need to start paying closer attention to what you are eating, like--'

me: (interrupting and speaking emphatically) 'oh well, i used to be skinny. really. you didn't
know me before, but i swear i really am a skinny person underneath this.'

midwife: (looking at me peculiarly) 'well, its not a cause for concern yet, just stay away from high fat foods, sugar, dairy etc.'

me: 'oh, okay. yeah of course.'

normally i would've just laughed it off. but after weeks of people asking me when i'm due and me saying october, and them saying 'wow- lay off the moon pies already,' i kinda wonder if they are all onto something.

when i found out i was pregnant with tali, i'll admit i was kind of relieved. 10 months of no exercise, cowboy cookies by the dozen, ice cream for lunch and dinner, extra cheese and ranch... all guilt free. it was too good to be true. feeling like CRAP early on led to weeks of two or more asiago bagels a day, with cream cheese of course. apparently it caught up to me-- fast. at my first dr's appt i had gained 7 lbs. i resolved then and there to go out with a bang. gestational diabetes, hypertension... bring it. i want extra salt, cheese and sugar. all day long. for 40 weeks.

however now that i really am on my way to some serious lbs, i'm kinda starting to wonder... am i going to regret this come october when i push out a 7 lb baby and take home 40 lbs of my own? will the weight really just melt off like it did with the other two? will i look back and think all those cookies and hot tamales were worth it? will i look back and think i should've listened to all those comments of concern about my appearance?

i doubt it.

i've said it before, and i'll say it again... go big or go home.

and pass the pub cheese.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

baby girls

i've never been a dancer. i've never been drawn to the color pink. and in the words of garth, my favorite white dress is my faded blue jeans. i was the first girl in slo county to play pop warner football, and i wore a 49ers hat most of my freshman year of high school.

i was your basic, good ol-fashioned tomboy.

in college i started wearing a bit of make-up and switched up my ol trusty plain white tee for a v neck. i finally traded in my sports bra and ventured into vicky's (lord knows i needed it). it wasn't until my high school boyfriend broke my heart my second year of college, that i realized i needed to push up my boobs - pull up my bootstraps and start acting and looking like a girl.

this transition wasn't difficult. though i was a tomboy at heart, i always had plenty of friends that were girls, some of them very girly. i started paying closer attention to how they put their make-up on, and the fine art of tight jeans and making your boobs look bigger than they are. i got a fake ID and hit the slo bar scene like a bat outta hell. just when i started getting a lot more attention from sleazy guys, i met and fell in love with brandon.

fast forward 3 years, we're married. with 2 more years, i'm pregnant, and find out our firstborn will be a baby girl. as i've mentioned before, i definitely felt some trepidation being a mom to a daughter. i was sure i was destined to be a mom of like 5 boys. how could i, a girl who's really new to the whole girl thing anyway, teach my own daughter to be a woman? well, fortunately for me, god wasn't gonna leave that task up to me... he gave me the girliest girl north of paris hilton. after a quick year with lily, another baby was made and we were sure we'd have another daughter. i'll never forget the ultrasound with oz after the technician left. i looked at b and he said with a sigh, "well i hope the next one's a girl." we had fallen head over heels for all the drama and tutu's of a little lily. we never anticipated how much joy having oz would bring to all of us.

since we made the decision to have another baby, we both felt like whatever we got was just a bonus. we already had a boy and a girl old enough to experience the exasperation and blessing of both that it didn't matter. since everyone told us from day one it was a girl, we weren't surprised to leave the ultrasound with this bit of good news.

lily was ecstatic.

the whole ultrasound she kept asking, "really its a girl, really you promise? it really is?" to lily a sister is beyond a dream come true. this isn't any surprise seeing as how she is surrounded by boys. the four friends i spend the most time with all have at least 2 (one with 3) boys each!

for me thinking about having another daughter brought a myriad of emotions.

first off i have to say the most amazing thing about it was/is seeing lily's sheer joy. it goes without saying she really wanted a sister, she prayed for one and wished for one on every star. i was nervous she's be severely disappointed or frustrated with god if it was a boy, but to my delight her wish came true. it was a such a tangible way for lily at barely 4 yrs of age to experience god's love for her. he was going to give her her first big wish... a sister.

as a mom having another daughter means so incredibly much to me. never having had a sister, i saw my friends with their sisters and often wondered if my lack of femininity was due to my lack of a female sibling. i see my friends with sisters even now and crave the bond they have. it makes me radiant inside to know that my daughters will have that one day. not to mention if i fail in the realm of teaching my second daughter to be a woman, she has lily- and really, lily is as girl as it gets.

in addition to their bond, i feel so fortunate to have increased my odds that at least one will like me! i know they will stray for a bit, but know from experience that they'll be back-- (unless i really go crazy)--cuz every girl needs her mama when she has a baby. as much as i hope oz would want me around, i can pretty much guarantee his wife won't! i guess in so many ways i too really feel loved by god. i honestly feel like he saw just what our family needed and gave it to us. my cup truly is overflowing.

i'm counting the minutes till miss tali june lights up our lives. i can't wait to get my hands on her.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

alright, i've sunk too a new low. been feeling un-inspired in the whole 'would you rather' realm, so i've taken to the internet for some inspiration. and boy oh boy are there some dicey ones out there. after feeling a bit overwhelmed by such gnarly would you rathers... i kept coming back to this one-- not without adding my own touch of course.

would you rather ...........

immerse your naked body in bathtub full of live cockroaches


dip nakey noo-noo in a pool of tim mcgraw's tobacco spit?

i know its hard to even get your mind around, but that picture of tim's kinda helping uh? lemme know where you at....

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

why camping is so fun

we've just returned from a weekend up at big sur. camping is such a funny thing. it takes quite a bit of preparation, you get super dirty and most of the time you are inconvenienced. yet, we often willingly impose this on ourselves all in the name of fun. and fun is just what it is for us rodgers. i reckon one of my favorite parts is getting soooo dirty, and then taking a 2 hr shower when we get home, just to make up for lost time.

camping has become increasingly streamlined in so many ways for us. after a few trips of trial and error, we've become quite efficient and the packing and unpacking part of the trip is relatively seamless. however the one area we always seem to be juggling and rearranging is the sleeping bit. we've had 3 tents in the last 2 years, and borrowed vehicles on at least 2 occasions. even when our precious EV was working, we never really took advantage of sleeping in it. this time however the engineer roared its voice and b rigged up the eurovan for all 4 of us to sleep comfortably in. it was pretty cool and you can kinda see from the pictures just how comfy we all were.

although the weather wasn't totally cooperative, we got a few rays over the 3 days, but mostly your basic big sur fog. it didn't stop the kids though, they got right in their suits and got into it at sandollar beach on saturday afternoon. in addition, b got some fun waves, and according to him, possibly the only barrel of the day. though it was just us friday night, saturday morning the motts joined us for their inaugural camping trip. they brought all the shiz we forgot, not to mention some entertainment for the kids... and of course lots of baseball.

all in all it was good friends, good food, and good times, and a few tic scares.

enjoy the pictures....

Thursday, July 23, 2009

fear no more!!! i really like you.

in light of nbc's new hit series the listener (its utter crap, but the main character is easy on the eyes), and mel gibson's attempt at saving his career in what women want, i got to thinking... what would it be like to hear people's thoughts.

assuming you could turn it off and on,

would you rather...

be a person that can sense/hear people's fears


be a person that can sense/hear people's dislikes?

it definitely feels like there would be less of an intensity if you went with dislikes, cuz you'd just be super likeable when you were able to suggest things to do or know how t0 relate to someone. however, if you could sense people's fears, you could probably do a lot of good in really, truly helping people. i think i'm more inclined to choose dislikes cuz it seems easier, but having kids it'd be pretty cool to be so empathetic if i knew their fears before they expressed them.
so without further explanation... where you at? i sense your fear... don't be scared...

Thursday, July 16, 2009

body talk

back to the body. seems to be where i can pull most of you out of your silence. it may be a bit similar to some others, but in light of my booming bustline and burgeoning bottom, i'm finding myself confused about what to do with all these curves. i often catch myself in the mirror and think, 'man i could really use some apple bottom jeans!'

so without further ado... i ask you--

would you rather have a perfect body (excluding your face)


a strikingly beautiful face?

this is definitely a tough one for me. in all honesty i've never been a girl who's super pre-occupied with her body, so i'm kind of leaning toward the beautiful face. i know you guys are gonna try and get crazy with 'what if's'... but just take it at first glance. perfect body doesn't necessarily mean ugly face, and beautiful face doesn't mean hatin it body... its just your basic either or.

so lemme know where you at!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

as promised...

so i'm finally getting around to getting my stellar home videos off the flip and onto my computer. lucky for you, the action begins...

for starters, here is a video of just some of the fun we had up at b's parents houseboat. now as i mentioned lily went tubing with the 'teenagers.' just so we are clear my 'world's most cautious daughter' willingly went on an inner tube with 2 teenage girls-- not me or b. who knew introducing her to taylor swift and hannah montana would have such a positive impact. lily is all about 'teenagers'- even if they are not famous as in this case. the video is me filming from the boat and the zoom on the flip isn't exactly capturing the extremeness of the situation... but lemme tell you i was kinda stressed out... lily however wasn't. she was loving it.

this next little video involves one of my new favorite activities... lily hula dancing. i'm suspicious that lily is just as into picking out her outfit (bikini top and skirt- different each week) for hula as she is the actual dancing... in any event, i'm pretty convinced that there are very few cuter things in life than little girls dancing and little boys in striped pajamas... here's a little of both--

lily at her second hula class

Thursday, July 9, 2009

in honor of san luis obispo's annual gay pride festival coming this weekend, i ask you...

if you were a lesbian, would you rather have

Portia deRossi


Lindsay Lohan as your girlfriend?

i know for some of you it isn't easy to get your gay on, but for me this one's a no brainer. and don't try and tell me lindsay's on the fence... once you go dj you never go back! i've mulled over this one with many a friends, and for me, i'm all about the lohan baby.

if you can muster up the courage, i'd love to know where you at... and of course why?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

would ya...

thanks to my husbands extreme misfortune, i am inspired to present you with this very uncomfortable would you rather.


would you rather get stung by a bee on your uvula


get a mild case of poison oak in your armpits?

in case you were wondering, yes, b got stung by a bee on his uvula. not to be confused with another word that can be formed from uvula. he was on his usual lunch time run when all of the sudden in flew a bee and right down his throat. on his way down, he was gracious enough to deposit his stinger in b's uvula. fortunately b is not allergic to bees. so after some moderate swelling, 6 vodka tonics, tweezers and a mirror he was good as gold. stinger gone, bee dead...
as for the poison oak. i am very allergic and have been fortunate enough to have it all over my body and face several times in my life. one of which included an in the armpit experience. it was summer. it was ugly, to say the least.
so where you at... assuming you are not allergic to bees and do contract poison oak, what can you handle?

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

thoughts on these things

when i saw this video on a friend's blog, i was tempted to skip it. i don't typically watch videos unless they are of my friends embarrassing themselves. but i took a chance on this 4 minutes and i was moved to tears. in the past i might've watched that and identified with some of those cardboard cutouts. but tonight all i could see in their eyes was my own kids and the kids of my friends. i saw lily, i saw oz, i even saw tali. i looked closer and i saw jadon and simeon, zaiah, zeke, and eli. i saw the neighbor girl, and kids from lily's preschool.
i'd never wish any of those afflictions on anyone, but recognize that they are more common than not. and despite my pleading with god, my deep desire to see my kids prosper and thrive, and just be happy, i know that they are not exempt. i know that a popsicle, a hug from me, or a kiss from daddo will not always fix the pain they will experience. i know cuz i myself have felt that pain and each and everyone of my friends has in one way or another.
i know that my kids will grow up and make choices that will potentially impact them or alter them forever. if i dwell on it, its easy to get overwhelmed by fear. i've known no greater hurt or ache than to see my kids in pain. i haven't got an answer, but i can tell you this. i'm so thankful to see the hope and the light i saw in those kids eyes. to know that i'm not alone in laboring, and interceding, and pleading for my children. to know that i know, and love a god that does that too. to know that the kids in that video know that god and have been forever changed by him. and though we aren't exempt from further pain or tragedy, we have a hope. an undying, unchanging, un-yielding hope.
and for that, tonight, i am eternally thankful.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

summa summa summatime

i miss you guys. i really do. but i just can't seem to muster up the strength to compose a blogging masterpiece. every time i get a free minute, i'm forcibly drawn to my latest mister... the fountainhead. quite possibly in my top 5 works of fiction, but i can't say for sure cuz i haven't finished it yet... its like 700 pages, so it could be awhile. anyhow between the book, those kids of mine, and being just plain old pregnant and tired, my blog suffers.

so let me take this moment to update you on our recent happenings.

i've spent the last 11 of 14 days in a pool. my hope (which are always crushed when it comes to swim lessons) was to have both the kids in the tiny tot class and me spend that time getting my bronze on. however my kids had another idea. i spent the first week in lily's class, while my mom braved mommy and me with oz. after being firmly asked to leave lily's class, i gave my mom the second week off and spent that time with oz. it actually went remarkably well. though oz remained pretty tense after going under water several times the first week, he came back alive when he got to walk around the shallow end. lily seemed to have the most growth. she was in her class by herself the whole second week, and due to the small class size she often had one-on-one instruction with one of the girl instructors. it was a strange feeling, but i almost felt like my kids were normal for once.

enough about them right, lets get back to me. for those of you who didn't make it to the karaoke, let me begin by telling you you really missed out. turning 30 almost felt okay that night as i listened to the sweet crooning of my dear friends. my lovely husband brandon threw the most amazing party for me, and with the help of my in laws he pulled it off with a bang. he cooked all the food, finagled tables and chairs, decorated, and cleaned up. it was such a labor of love and love is what i felt the whole night. so thanks y'all for coming and showin the love. look forward to some amazing video of some most embarrassing karaoke selections... here are some pics to hold you over in the mean time.

turning 30 didn't just stop with the party, it just got it started. yesterday me, lealah and jess loaded up into erin's car and trekked down to bacara. we spent the day in espresso mud baths and bronzing poolside with ellen and portia. maybe not totally accurate, but it was a day of decadence to say the least.

what's next you ask? well, we leave thursday for b's parents houseboat to celebrate the 4th. though i won't be partaking in any adult beverages, i am planning on keeping my base tan strong whilst i dig deeper into ayn rand's masterpiece. after we come back from that, we kind of around town for a few weeks, before heading up to plaskett for some more camping at the end of july. we get back and are graced by a visit from my brother. heck, then its august where b is in the throws of planning a surf trip to rio nexpa. one last barrel before the reality of baby number 3 floors us. lils and i start up mommy and me horseback riding, and i reckon we'll hit up another session of swim just to keep the kids and myself tan safe.

other than that we've been trying to fill the june gloom days with our own sunshine. much of that has come from lily and oz getting into their alter egos: pj barbie and ken. lily is quite the driver in the ol barbie jeep graciously lent to us by the atkinsons. i came home friday to b giving oz a new do. i must say, he's as cute as ever as he rocks his new haircut... but man does he look like b. here are some more pics to satisfy your curiosity.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

for fame or money...

alright... in light of our recent economic crisis, i bet we could all use a little spending money. how does 7 million sound?
or are you in another camp? as the funds dry out do you find yourself taking pleasure in the simpler things like family, friends, kids etc?

with that said, i ask you....

would you rather singlehandedly save a child a from a burning building


win a healthy 7 million in the california lotto?

there's a lot to consider... that kind a money could solve a lotta yo problems, but the chance to save someones life is something you take pride in to yo grave. not to mention you'd prolly get to be on ellen. in the words of my late homey 2 pac shakur--- mo money, mo problems. its up to you peeps... where you at????

Thursday, June 18, 2009

man, you guys were rough last week... it was like you all took a vow a silence. i'll try not to take it personally...
so this week i'm comin back at ya, full force. with that said...

would you rather...

have your son play the prince in a famous production of swan lake


have your daughter be the star point guard of the los angeles sparks (WNBA)?

even if you don't have a son or a daughter, just try and wrap your mind around it and let me know what you'd choose. i'm kinda feelin WNBA, but maybe just cuz i been known to drain the three...