Wednesday, November 17, 2010

goodbye girls

i was quite a bit older than my friends when you finally made your entrance.  i had been waiting, and waiting.

and

waiting.

like all middle school girls, i quickly realized popularity came from one tangible place.

the ta-ta's.

then one day you broke through like a seed bursting into a beautiful sunflower.  well maybe not so much a sunflower as a miniature rose.  in any event i kept waiting for you to make that significant spurt, but much like samantha baker on her 16th birthday,  i realized this was going to be one area god would not be generous with me with.

i won't lie and say it wasn't painful. getting messages written on calculators reading 55378008 (yes upside on a calculator its spells boobless- this was our version of texting) or overhearing, 'she's cute, but she's totally flat.'

flat...

the dreaded word of a high school girl.

and then one day i grew up, and realized guys aren't only interested in boobs.  (actually they are. in fact its ALL they are interested in, but if you are a young reader, i at least did my due diligence).

i got married, got pregnant (yes in that order) and one day i woke up, looked down and thought, 'so this is what all the fuss was about!'

yes, you were huge, beautiful, ginormous, buoyant and....

milky.

that's right.

leaking.  milk.  already.


and there wasn't even a baby.

though this was just the beginning of looks can be deceiving, it sure was enough to make any girl wonder what it would be like...

once the baby came, you began to change even more!  it was miraculous.  truly.  i came home from the hospital and within three days, i seriously was rivaling pam (minus the blond hair and botox).  when b caught sight of you, he practically passed out, but as he went in for a feel, he realized once again... you were not made for him.  hard as rocks and once again... the dreaded leak.

but then you regulated yourself, and we settled into a nice, confident size.  more than proportionate- generous even, and really just lovely.  hearing words like 'rack' instead of 'flat' or 'bijoingas' instead of 'flapjacks' was like music to my ears. you truly were a sight.

and so as our journey comes to a close, i just want to say--we had a good run thelma and louise, you ebbed and flowed so beautifully these last five years of pregnancy and nursing.  you fed my babies and loved my husband in a way he never thought he'd know.  you gave me a glimpse into a life i never thought i'd know...

and so now my little jahoobies, its time to say good bye.  as tali takes her final sips, we bid you farewell.  we've had an amazing run.  and though my badoinkies will once again deflate, i'll remember these years as the best of my life.

au revoir, girls... au revoir.

12 comments:

Sobriety Checkpoint said...

You have it better trust me! Mine are so saggy that if my husband wants to see them he gets a better view of them from my backside. It's actually sad....but not for much longer!! There perkin up again!!

Trisha said...

once again you deliver a honestly funny blog. Thanks for making me laugh.

Kelly Meirik said...

don't remind me!!!

going kiwi said...

Perfect tale about the ladies! I can only relate way too much.

Anonymous said...

Word! (Meg)

ParadisoPerDue said...

HOLLY!!!! I laughed so loud!! This was a great post!!!! I didn't get my ta-tas til I was about 22, finally graduating from an A cup to a B- what a wondrous day that was!!!! I can totally relate my friend!! Now I'm between a B and a C depending on the bra company- it will be interesting to see what my future pregnancy could do to them!!

Anonymous said...

i'm sorry but i can't relate and i don't feel bad for you! the grass is always greener i suppose.

;)

Drea

The Schmidts said...

Oh Holly, you make me laugh! Three pregnancies and a combined 35 months of nursing in under five years . . . I have no idea what they will look like when this stage is done over here. -Rhiannon

zaiahbird said...

i'm gonna miss your boobies too. they were fun to look at. i kinda have a crush on you. i'm sure a certain someone from Osos will miss them as well. wink wink.

The VanDorn Family said...

Benjamin nurses on one side...so much worse. I can not even look stand my naked self!

sarah said...

dang, you are FUNNY!!! thanks for the belly laugh, I needed that :)

Anonymous said...

so funny. Samantha Baker...transam in the driveway with hot guy"