Monday, November 19, 2007


"our deepest fear is that we are inadequate..." and so the saying goes. i can't ever remember the rest, i suppose that there is some sort of redemption at the end, but the beginning is what often resonates for me.

i've touched on this subject before, and somehow i know this won't be the last time. and really, i'm still trying to figure out why i feel so passionate about it.

most days i feel totally inadequate raising a daughter.

perhaps its because i feel like i have big shoes to fill- i can't ever remember a time when i really didn't like or was truly mad at my own mother. and to this day, we have an amazing friendship. so why should it be so hard to facilitate that with my own daughter?

well, it could be a myriad of reasons. lets first examine her. perhaps the thing that frightens me the most is just how different we are. did i mention that she's only 2? i don't remember what i was like at 2, but i can tell you that when i was 8 i was the first girl to play tackle football (pop warner) in this county. i'm lucky if i can get lily to go down a slide by herself. my favorite white dress is faded blue jeans. lily wretches if she cannot wear a skirt every minute... of every day. lily loves anything and everything princess. i think cinderella needs to sack up and tell her stepmom to beat it, it was her house anyway.... those are just a few examples of our distinctions.

i know, she's 2. her behavior and tendencies are perfectly normal for a 2 year old girl. she is not the exception. but i will ask you. how do you respond when your sweet, tender little girl who just adores and worships every little thing about cinderella and consequently despises those mean stepsisters (who by the way, always "make bad choices") tells you when she feels like being beastly, that she wants to be a mean stepsister- because she wants to be mean that badly. or, what do you do, or say, when that same cute little girl is on the floor writhing because she simply cannot leave the house in anything but a skirt and shiny shoes.

is it that i fear our differences will inhibit us from a thriving friendship later in life? or is it that i fear so much that the way i discipline or don't discipline her will impair her overall well being? or maybe its just that she really isn't like me and we won't ever connect in this magical way i imagined we would. if that is the case i do recognize that i need to get over myself. so what if she doesn't turn out like me- as if i've been rationed the winning personality- there's a lengthy list of things i wish was... and when i think of my closest friends- save lealah, none are much like me at all. i would be honored, and so proud if i raised a emily harper, or shelley blackwell, or jenny schlenker- i could go on- but you get the point.

i guess all i really know is that, yes, she is only 2. and some days are a lot harder than others. i just fear becoming that mom... you know- the mom from spanglish, or american beauty...

regardless of who i become, this much i know... lily will break my heart, likely more than once. and i will continue to blow it, but maybe, just maybe, we could have some laughs along the way.

Saturday, November 3, 2007

dig it.. cabifi

Here are some pictures from the vacation, some of the first ones you see are just from around the house and the harvest festival that snuck in... you will be able to tell when the cabo ones come up, due to the amount of skin (lily's) showing... not to many naki ones this time!!! she's becoming quite modest in her old age...

well, we had a very successful vacation... it was, perhaps, our best yet.
things we've learned from past vacations:

-the perfect amount of time to vacation with kids - 5 days.
-flying out of SLO is def worth the extra money
-benedryl really does knock em out (we didn't have to use it this time, but we have in the past!)
-toddlers love airplanes
-oz flies great even with an ear infection
-it's worth paying to stay somewhere, rather than trying to save a buck and stay with friends who live in a trailer--- j/k we wouldn't have stayed with them!
-cabo is the perfect distance to fly with kids
-never, ever go to cabo in july, august or september. late october is perfect weather wise
- going on vacation with other people who have kids is a win win

gosh, so much to say about the vacation... we'll start with the highlights...

-the kids flew great
-their colds seem to disappear in mexico- but returned upon arrival...
-the boys and shelley getting really good waves- this is a true highlight, b/c in true rodgers fashion, B never gets good waves on vacation
-having a professional photographer on vacation with us... thanks si!
-going out to eat with 6 adults and 6 kids- you can imagine the chaos
-watching elias fearless in the water- shore pound and all
-seeing max shred at swimming
-forgetting oz was even with us, cause he was so mellow
-lily wanting max and owen around, but never wanting them to touch any of her babies
-Jeramiah and Simon catching a fish by merely using a childrens play bucket
- the kids being in awe of the fish, and lily naming it nemo- how original
-simon, who does not drink, mastering the art of pina colodas for the rest of us to indulge
-shelley making some amazing sashimi with the freshest ahi around
-having my husband around for 5 days straight!
-lily watching cinderella and telling Brandon that she wants to wear a "real pretty dress" and marry him when she gets older
-the kids sleeping really well in the condo- thanks to the black hole bedroom
-the evening swim our last night there
-no montezuma's revenge for anyone
-getting a couple's massage with... shelley???
-getting my bronze on
hmmm, i guess that's all i got for now.
all in all, thanks pollards and especially blackwells for a very memorable and radical vacation!