Tuesday, February 9, 2010

the birds and the bees...



it was a typical saturday morning.

i slept in while b and the kids came downstairs for some toons. after pancakes and a puddle jumping walk, the kids made their way to the bath. it was here, oz discovered his balls.

sidebar: i have a severe distaste for the words "P" and "V." in fact i despise them so much i won't even write them out here. i know all houses are different, but in our house they are affectionately termed pecker and gee gee. now a few months back my friend erin called me to tell me about how her son had discovered his, ahem, well, nuts. he was asking her what they were called, and she was at a loss. she wondered should she say, 'balls, junk, tenders, nards, gonads, tasties (b's suggestion) or your basic testicle (ewwwwww).' i said, gosh, i never thought of it- what would i say to oz should he ever ask?

well this lovely, rainy saturday we found out. oz was in the bath and tali started fussing. i went to get her, and i kinda forgot he was in there until he called me in a bit panicked....

oz: 'moooom, come here! come here!'

me: 'okay, okay, i'm coming. hold on a sec.'

oz: 'mom, hurry come here.'

i walk into the bathroom half expecting him to be in some sort of peril, but instead he's just sitting in the bath holding his manjigglies.

me: 'what's up bud?'

oz: 'what are these?'

me: (knowing he was explicitly holding his cojones) 'uh, that's your pecker bud. you know that.'

oz: 'no these!' (with a firm voice and a death grip on his man-tonsils)

me: 'oh, those. (long pause) those are your nutters.' (thanks to lealah and her family for the use of the word nutters).

oz: perplexed 'nutters?'

me: 'ya, your nutters.'

oz: 'well what are they for?'

me: 'well, that's where you keep your babies?' (i know, it was crazy. but i was trying to make it educational)

oz paused and thought for a second, then with a furrowed brow he looked up at me and said, 'well, will they be okay if i squeeze them?'

me: pause....at a loss 'ya, i guess' (thinking that vice grip can't feel good, but its his nap-sack)

oz: in a determined voice, 'will my babies be okay?'

me: resigned... 'ya, your babies will be okay'

so there you have it. oz found his nutters, and you and i found at least 6 or more new ways to say a word i loathe... its a win-win for the rodgers house.



10 comments:

Erin said...

This is SOOOO funny!!! Yikes. I don't know what I'd do with a boy.

mom/popfoote said...

i should know better than to have something in my mouth while reading your post!

Dave, Kristal & Wes said...

Hilarious! Come to think of it I have never thought about what I'm going to tell Wes...I might just borrow "nutters"- well I wont borrow it...we will keep it for ourselves. ha.

Brandon said...

You forgot 'man-gina'.

Anonymous said...

you cant squeeze em holly--

The Harper Family said...

So funny! Can't wait to have Mike read this...

ParadisoPerDue said...

Oh Holly, I was laughing out loud with this one!!!

LEALAH said...

Jon's gonna be so proud that his "nutters" nickname will be used in homes all across the land. And all y'all won't eat a Nutter Butter cookie the same way again..holla!

vickymo said...

Haha, rediscovering your blog Holly and this did make me chuckle. All sorts of inappropriate comments trying desperately to flow out my fingers onto this comment box....

Was re-reading the Vagina Monologues a while back, you know you need to read it!!

Taylor said...

Haha - this is a good laugh. I would be at a loss, too. But you handled it very well! Your kids are adorable!