Wednesday, November 16, 2011

and then you woke up and you were old.

its been sneaking up on me for awhile now.

for starters, i still own several pairs of flare jeans, and  its downright embarrassing wearing anything abercrombie.

you know. 

its when you look in the mirror and all you can see are wrinkles staring back at you.  i swear it wasn't even 5 years ago that it never even occurred to me i would have to think about having wrinkles.  now, i tear out those botox ads with a fervor  (not really, it was more for effect).

no matter how you slice it or dice it, i'm getting old people.

and there's nothing like living in SLO among beautiful college girls a night on the town to remind you just how old you are.

when lealah decided to have her birthday at sebastians or mission grill or native or whatever its called, i thought, okay-- downtown slo, time to step up my game. as in i might have to tear my lounge wear off and slap on the ol bra to make my appearance.  so i brought out my A game, a 'high and tight' black and white number i got in vegas last february.  as i was checkin myself out in the mirror before i left, i'll admit i was feelin pretty good.  college smollege.  i'll show those fine young thangs a thing or two what this ol coug can bring.

the night started off mellow.  after all, we were possibly the only people actually downtown in a bar before 10 pm.  we had a nice, mellow dinner and then made our way to the frog and peach.  now let me just remind you all that in my day i was no stranger to the downtown scene.  let's just say I'm pretty sure Jay Z was thinking of me when he wrote, 'i'm gonna run this town tonight.'  heck, back in the day, they knew my name at reggae night and 80's night at mothers... let's just say, the circle formed around my friend emily me if you know what i mean.  anyhoo, apparently times had changed cuz when we got to the frog and peach i realized a few things had changed... one of which wasn't that disgusting musty beer sweat mold smell that permeates from the bar, but what had changed was that i looked around and realized i was quite possibly the oldest person there... besides the friends i was with-- they are waaaaay older than me.  suddenly i started to feel really self conscious... it took everything in me not to ask the young college girl in the bathroom how old she thought i was... mostly cuz i probably would have started crying and then she'd laugh with her friends about how that old washed out mom was trying to get in touch with her younger days.  and although i overcame that, it didn't stop me and lealah from cornering a young bob dylan hipster sort of lad with a fake accent into telling us how old he thought we were.  when he said, 'i guess 30,' we were naturally very offended, cuz you know that was a conservative guess, i mean he probably thought we were 40!  how horrible is that?!  anyway, to spite his disinterest in us old bags, lealah mentioned to him that she used to be in a band (true) and that i had an incredible voice (false).  i then felt inclined to take it one step further and confess i made it to the 16th round of american idol'  (false). who wants to be my best friend now, regardless of my age???  you guessed it... little gyspsy hispster does.  he literally could not get enough of my stardom.  i played it super cool, told him it was a few years back, and i couldn't tell him much about it cuz of confidentiality agreements.   lealah graciously told him i literally had the voice of aretha franklin in a skinny white girls body (so false).  it was all fine and dandy til lealah left to talk to someone else and i was stuck with this tween all up in my grill. suddenly i couldn't go on with the lies when it was just me and him, so i abruptly left telling him my baby was crying or something...

after our rendezvous at the peach, we thought 'hey we're not getting any younger, why don't we go dancing?!'  cuz nothing says you are to old to be in a bar as breakin out the robot to songs you've never heard in your life.  however, it was at this juncture, that the night finally threw us a bone.  you see, we weren't old anymore....  cuz we saw this:

that's right, they are def 'in their 40's' dancing even worse than us and wearing light denim flare jeans with copious amounts of jeweled stitching (always a dead give away).  if the night had a redeemer it came in that sweet couple. it was shortly after this revelation, i realized my work here was done. i suddenly had an overwhelming urge to be in sweats on my couch eating ice cream with my husband.  if we hurried we could catch most of SNL... and get enough rest to enjoy the best part of every day... waking up to the 3 most beautiful babies in the world.  i guess it was then i realized getting old isn't so bad.  as much as i long for a wrinkle free face and a non grey haired head, i think the trade off is worth it if it means the dude taking me home that night makes really cute babies... which he does... very well i might add.

so downtown slo, i know it was just another night to you, but to me it was a huge awakening. although i don't still got it, thanks for showing me i actually have ALL i  need right here in sweet little los osos.