when i went upstairs to get ready for bed the other night, i saw the hat i'd been using during swim lessons, and felt a twinge of sadness. in so many ways i am sooooo ready to get this baby out and on with life, but as it really gets closer (ahem 2 months to go) i'm finding some of the feelings i had before oz was born surfacing. in no way is it as dramatic as this, but i have been noticing some little pangs sprouting up now and again like i did tonite.
before oz was born i felt so much trepidation and anxiety about how lily would do with another little biscuit in the mix. i was consumed with fear and apprehension about how her little world was gonna shift so dramatically. in hindsight, i recognize that her being only 19 months old when oz was born was such a gift, cuz she truly has no memory of life without him. everyone told me how great it'd be when they got older, and finally (as in the last 5 months) am i really seeing that. their age gap seems to be lessening daily, not only physically (as in i hear at least once a day, "are they twins?") but developmentally as well. they often almost feel like one kid, cuz despite their dramatically different taste in toys, their temperaments and schedules are one in the same. they wake about the same time, like the same foods, nap or don't nap, and go to bed at the same time. i can honestly say that having 2 kids has never been easier.
my goal for the summer was to keep the kids out of preschool and just have a lot of fun before tali comes. i imagined swim lessons, gymnastics, dance, horseback, vbs, beach days, kids museums, walks down by the bay, barbie jeep rides, camping, bonfires and ice cream. i got all of that and then some. it has been such a fun summer. i feel like my kids are thriving, and consequently so am i. i got a healthy bronze about my bossoming body and i just feel good inside and out. i feel fortunate and thankful to have the resources financially and geographically to get to do all these soul nourishing activities. so naturally as it comes to a close (not without one last family vaca to SD) i find myself a bit saddened to say goodbye. i'm realizing i was so pre-occupied with how we would fill our days, i never got so far as to process the end of them.
come this morning, i had the privilege to drop both my babies off at presk. it will be the first time in 4 years that i've had a set amount of hours to myself. let me just say, i am terribly excited. i know its only a month and half of this solitude before my 3rd offspring comes a roaring, but i'll tell you what... i'm gonna milk those 6 hrs a week for all they've got. i'm imagining long swims at the gym, reading and laying out by the pool, leisurely mornings at linnea's with the good book and a journal, and of course just some good ol fashioned laziness on my couch with matt, al and meredith. just as the summer passed in the blink of an eye, undoubtedly so will my solo time...
the kids-- well mostly lily are ecstatic to welcome tali into our family. daily, lily asks me if she can go through tali's clothes. just last night, as she was organizing and talking to herself about all tali's outfits, she turned to me and said, "mom, i cannot wait till tali's born."
it was so sincere, and unprompted. it really brings me overwhelming joy to know that lily is so ready for this baby. granted, i know it will be hard at times for her, but to know now that she has such a bright anticipation of a new baby now is so incredibly comforting. its almost like if they're ready, then why shouldn't i be?
so cheers to one bad ass summer.... but i got a sneakin suspicion fall could top it!