big mama

so i thought i'd take this five minute break from my pretzels and pub cheese to tell y'all bout my day. it's not something i've heard before, and frankly i'm a tad embarrassed, but i think i might feel better if i get it off my chest- ahem. well not my chest, cuz i'm likin them lately.



i digress.



rumor has it, i'm 29 weeks pregnant. that puts me in my 3rd trimester. its possible that at 29 weeks i look exactly the same as i did at 39 weeks when i was pregnant with lily. i know lots of pregnant moms like to put 'weekly' pictures up of their sprouting belly. you know the ones-- its taken by themselves in the mirror, making a cute, but not smiling face-- trying to look casual, but they're usually in one of their cuter maternity tank tops- or a wife beater, with little makeup, but definitely lipstick... i got nothing against that, its just not my thing. but since i was able to dig up this picture of me pregnant with lily - taken at about 39 weeks, i thought i'd take a current one just so you could see what a little gordita i've become.












don't say it, i know i look way young here,
and it is hard to tell just how small i am, but this
was me at 39 weeks i delivered 2 weeks later-
cuz lils was a week late.

haven't quite mastered the look, but

i'm trying! oz really enjoying it.

when i was pregnant with lily i never got those wow responses. as in 'wow, you've still got a long way to go!' or 'wow, are you sure you don't got twins in there?' or 'wow, that's going to be one big baby!' with lily, it was always like, 'wow, you are tiny! is the baby okay?' with oz, i got more of those wow you've really put it on comments and looks, but it still didn't really bother me. it was kind of a nice change after everyone being so 'concerned' that i was so small with lily. now i know many of you are thinking, come on holly. how big could you really be? your like a buck - ten with no baby, we don't feel sorry for you... well lets just say today at my 29 week check up with the midwives, our conversation went a bit like this:


midwife: 'well, you are about 29 weeks (pause as she checks her notes) and it looks like you've gained 25 lbs already. hmm, yeah. that's a bit on the high side.


me: 'oh, really? wow. gosh that came quick.'


midwife: 'yeah, you need to start paying closer attention to what you are eating, like--'


me: (interrupting and speaking emphatically) 'oh well, i used to be skinny. really. you didn't
know me before, but i swear i really am a skinny person underneath this.'


midwife: (looking at me peculiarly) 'well, its not a cause for concern yet, just stay away from high fat foods, sugar, dairy etc.'


me: 'oh, okay. yeah of course.'


normally i would've just laughed it off. but after weeks of people asking me when i'm due and me saying october, and them saying 'wow- lay off the moon pies already,' i kinda wonder if they are all onto something.



when i found out i was pregnant with tali, i'll admit i was kind of relieved. 10 months of no exercise, cowboy cookies by the dozen, ice cream for lunch and dinner, extra cheese and ranch... all guilt free. it was too good to be true. feeling like CRAP early on led to weeks of two or more asiago bagels a day, with cream cheese of course. apparently it caught up to me-- fast. at my first dr's appt i had gained 7 lbs. i resolved then and there to go out with a bang. gestational diabetes, hypertension... bring it. i want extra salt, cheese and sugar. all day long. for 40 weeks.



however now that i really am on my way to some serious lbs, i'm kinda starting to wonder... am i going to regret this come october when i push out a 7 lb baby and take home 40 lbs of my own? will the weight really just melt off like it did with the other two? will i look back and think all those cookies and hot tamales were worth it? will i look back and think i should've listened to all those comments of concern about my appearance?



i doubt it.


i've said it before, and i'll say it again... go big or go home.



and pass the pub cheese.