almost famous

alright... here it is, for those of you haven't seen my 5 seconds of fame... here is the link. click on the video to get all the action.
http://www.ksby.com/Global/story.asp?S=7102182
cheesy as it may be, its well worth your while.
i'm so big time that last night at Giuseppe's the waiter said, "weren't you on the news last week?" i offered him an autograph, but he passed. weird.
anyway, i am featured on the avilas blog, so in case you missed it there, here's your chance.

something right

i'm not trying to brag, but its possible we are doing something right. this afternoon as the kids and i were on a run back from farmers lily said the most incredible thing. instead of heading home we decided to stop by some neighborhood friends house. so as we ran past our street lily said,"momma, we have to go that way." and i replied, "no, lily, we are going this other way to stop by carter and susans house. she didn't say anything and so we kept running and i missed the turn for their house. "whoops, we went the wrong way" i said as i turned the stroller around. and as we were walking up the hill to their house i tuned into what lily was saying cause she was trying to spit something out. "sometimes," she paused, "if you pray and ask Jesus, he will show you the right way." astounded, i stopped the stroller, leaned over with tears in my eyes, and said "lily, that makes me so happy to hear you say that, you are so right. who taught you that about Jesus?" she paused, perplexed, and said, "you!"

that's all it took- she floored me. really. it couldn't have come at a more perfect time as we just had some house guests leave. (quick shout out to the pollards- they are awesome house guests- super clean, tidy, took us out to taco temple- took amazing family photos of us- just a blessing through and through- not to mention their kids are not only super cute, and well-dressed- but very sweet, tender boys)- which leads me to my next point... and why lily's comment couldn't have come at a more perfect time.

i am aware that lily is very much a girl- it isn't just b/c of her natural inclination for dresses, skirts, high heels and the color fuchsia. its deeper than that. she is moody, contrary and indecisive- (or as my mom says, passionate, discerning and selective) all things i know about her, but seemed to glare at me having another kid around all weekend. which all leads me to often wonder, am i doing this right?

and though i know the answer is probably no, not totally- as no one is, moments like we shared today, make it all worth it. i'll take the passion even if it often comes with fury.

lately

i know i have been bogging, but i got something in the works...

here are some recent pictures of the kids until then...

all growed up

she is two years old. it's not like she doesn't have any sort of life outside me... but the other day I was struck by something she said. we were on the rodgers houseboat just hanging out. b's mom, shelley, started to get some snacks out... hummus, carrots, crackers, pretzels etc... I asked lily if she wanted some carrots or crackers (two staples in her diet) and she said, ' no, I want those'- pointing to the pretzels. i thought, that's funny, since she is not the most daring eater, why would she want those skinny looking pretzel sticks- they don't even look interesting. so i pointed to the bag and said, 'these, are you sure?' she quickly said, 'yes- i want those ones.' so i hand her the bag and she pulls one out. just before she takes a bite, she pauses and looks up at me and in a real matter of fact way she says , 'i have these at preschool.'
It was a simple as that, and i was just struck. to think she experienced something outside of our little world was so baffling to me. not only did she experience it, she liked it- and i wasn't even there to share it. i know it seems silly, and really pretty inconsequential. but for the first time in my life with lily, i kind of felt like an outsider. somehow i know it won't be the last time. just a reminder, i suppose, to cherish the mundane- even if it means a new type of cracker- it's still just ours.

lily's lingo

Just thought I'd fill you in on some of lily's expanding vocabulary these days. For starters lily is truly a richmond- much like her pop pop (my dad) she abbreviates everything. we thought it was funny when she started calling macaroni and cheese- mac mac, or Dustin- dust, or mimi -mims, or nana- nan, but then we realized it went even further- using abbreviations for things we never have. Like the other day she said "i want some wad (water)," or "mama- the tubs are on (teletubbies)" or "i'm going to presk today (preschool)." Sometimes it feels a little out of control.

while we're on it- some other cute things she's said lately...

-"mama, i want ketchup. i like ketchup, not mustache (mustard)"

-while we were at the beach she turns to me and says, "ohh i'm so starving. brrr, i'm so starving" as she reaches for her sweatshirt i realize she meant to say freezing.

- this one happens a lot- every time i get dressed she practically begs me to wear a dress or high heels. the other day i had put a skirt on and came downstairs. when she saw me her eyes lit up and she said, "mama, you look like a beautiful princess!"

-out of blue while driving yesterday she just blurts out, "i'm pretty adorable"

-my favorite- yesterday we ran into someone i hadn't seen in awhile, while i was talking to her, lily was in the shopping cart- when she realized there was a little girl (the woman's daughter) right below the shopping cart, she leans over and says in a real sweet voice, "well, who's this little one?"

my first loves

seriously, this guy is so cute. can you say that about your own kid? well i am. its been an intersting time as of late. oliver seems to be truly exiting newborn and lily seems to be really exploring and perhaps exploiting being 2. i find myself in the midst of a contemplative time (well really, when i am i not contemplating something).

when we got our dog emma lou, commonly called lou lou, i was so deeply in love. she was our baby. we tucked her in every night, walked her multiple times a day, fed her, gave her pigs ears, let her ride up front in our car. lou lou suddenly filled/fullfilled every maternal desire i had- granted i was 5 months pregnant- but you get the point. she was our baby. then the gooser came- lily was born. i remember being in the hospital and being so worrried about emma lou- thinking how lonely she must feel and how her world was going to change probably for the worse. the feelings lasted for awhile, till lily started needing it to be more quiet when she slept. our once praised for her cute bark hound dog instantly became a seal barking through a megaphone. suddenly lily's naps became the single most influential event to my sanity, and a red bone hound was nothing but a nuisance. it was sad, and i remember feeling conflicted about my new found feelings for my dog, but slowly and surely my affections for emma lou dissapated.

lily was my world, my everything for quite some time. we were best friends. we had our own little schedule, we'd sleep in (sometimes), have breakfast, walk/run, go to town- go shopping, go to traders - you get it, we did everything together. i was so taken with her, and was so excited to have this little girl as my best friend... forever, much like my mom and i. i knew things would change when oliver came along, but all through my pregnancy my affections remained the same, i couldn't even imagine loving another kid so much. i had so much anxiety the last month of pregnancy with ozzy. i was so nervous about how lily would feel and react once he came along. the night we left for the hospital, brandon went upstairs to change and i went into the bathroom and just burst into tears cause i was so distressed and heartbroken that lily's world would change forever- and seemingly in a hard way. and yet, once again my anxiety proved futile as lily responded in the most positive way to the new guy. she loved him from the beginning and has yet to lash out in anger or frustration towards him. i truly am so thankful.

fast forward 3 months. we are all in the groove of the new baby. lily is rapidly becoming to terribly two, and oliver is really coming into his own skin. i began to notice my feelings for lily changing, i was becoming a lot less patient. before, probably to a fault, i did everything i could to maximize her happiness and comfort- (ie accomodate naps, food, playtime, etc) now i had to facilitate oz into the mix of it all. suddenly ozzy would start crying in the car and then lily would start to whine, and i would become so irritated with lily, like all the crying, olivers included, was her fault. i realized, with the help of a friend, i had come to place unrealistic expectations on my toddler. suddenly she was like an adult- and capable of so much more than a 2 year old. unconscioulsy i had made it so all her crying and whining could only be tolerated to a point- a short point for that matter. when she would throw a little fit or be bratty i found myself so annoyed. but as i considered it more, i wasn't annoyed or irritated at her, i was frustrated and really sad i guess, that i would have to even have those feelings for once the sweet love of my life. it's a trippy thing to sometimes not like your kid. i can only imagine what it would be like to have a collicky baby and have those feeling so early on. it's so hard to pin down. it's not like you don't like your bratty child, its that your mad you even have to have negative emotions towards this little love of your life. can you really be mad at your own feelings and then have them negatively manifest themself onto your toddler...? i may be going in circles here, but i think my point is spoken.

what i do know is i love these babies... (even emma lou). i never knew that thier happiness would supercede any of my own wants or desires. its beautiful thing to experience so much love this side of heaven. i'm so thankful that God didn't have to divide my love in half when oz was born, he simply doubled it.

i think they look alike....

how funny is this. both of these pictures were taken when lily and oliver were about 6 months old. i think they look a lot alike, just add a half a pound of cheeks to oliver and you've got a lily...what do you guys think?