i really thought we would be different

well, it's with a heavy heart i write this post.  this morning i got a call from our agency explaining that MOWA (ministry of women's affairs) in ethiopia has 'temporarily' suspended adoptions with our agency.  even if i had the time and energy to explain what that means, i really couldn't because i don't totally understand it either.   ethiopia does... what ethiopia wants.  but i can tell you that it means something very major for our family and for our sweet boy.  we won't be traveling to ethiopia next week as planned... unless God does a crazy huge miracle-- which i'm trying desperately not to put past him.

to say i'm feeling a lot of things right now would be a vast understatement.  if i had a nickel for every person that told me about 'their friends adoption story' that always involved massive delays and disappointments  i would probably have at least $5.  for real though, all these stories i hear all the time are actually happening to us!  i'm sure i sound incredibly narcissistic, but honestly this process-- though long-- has actually been really easy.  i really thought we were going to be the exception!  we were going to be able to tell the world that adoption can be easy and AWESOME!

not to mention, we are in the middle of the most amazing outpouring of support from are friends and family to bring this baby boy home.  i feel sick just thinking about how much effort and time and money everyone has put in and all we can bring to the table now is that we just don't know when.  arggghhhh.

yet now we've been tossed with the masses for everyone to tell our sad story as we try and pick up the pieces of months of planning and anticipation.

although its hard, its by far not the hardest part.  to know our son has to go another night not knowing his mom and dad and brother and sisters is almost unbearable.

i've been thinking a lot about this process this last week as my mind labors through every scenario and thought about traveling to ethiopia.  from how will my 3 kids here fare, to holding him for the first time.  people call adoption being paper pregnant.  and while i'll concede that there are similarities, it is obviously vastly different.  however, this morning's call was like one i received while pregnant with ozzy.  after our ultrasound with him, we were ecstatic to know we would be welcoming a baby boy.  3 days later we got a call saying there was something abnormal in the ultrasound.  we were devastated and scared out of our minds.  the next few months were so, so, sooooo difficult for us.  those feelings have descended again.  when will this end?  when will it begin?  so many unanswered questions.

yet a midst all of this pain, sadness and frustration, i'm reminded that i serve a God that is never caught off guard.  if i profess total and complete faith in him, then i have to know that his timing to bring elliot home will be perfect.

in the meantime, please--if you see me just give me a hug... and say those famous words, 'its going to be okay,' and don't be surprised if i'm less than enthused to talk about.

thank you all for your continued love and support.

PLEASE pray for a miracle that the authorities in ethiopia would change their mind early next week and we would be able to go as planned, and always for God's perfect will for our lives and the grace to walk it out.

thank you from the bottom of our hearts.