i don't know why i think that i can go so long without purging my soul to the cyber world. i forget how much i feel like i'm going to split right open any minute from not having this fleeting little release.
yet time passes on... and much like wanting so badly to connect with an old best friend, you can't ever bring yourself to do it cuz you know the conversation will be so long. wonderful, but long. so you keep 'missing' their call and tell yourself next week, next week for sure.
i reckon its finally next week and here i am. and what do you know, i don't even know where to begin.
oh wait, yes i do. i leave for ethiopia in 13 days. in 2 weeks, i will walk into an orphanage all the way across the world and meet my second born son. i will meet the boy that God knew one day would be mine. i will spend 5 sweet days with him and then i will have to leave him... only to return 3 months (lord willing) later to bring him home forever. even if i tried to summarize all that i'm feeling and anticipating and worrying about i know it would fall short. when you've lived for 33 years you would think you've pretty much experienced every type of feeling and emotion. but like holding your firstborn for the first time, or speaking forth your vows to the man of your dreams, i somehow know i'm about to have some 'firsts.'
it is my hope and desire to take a good chunk of time updating you all on our journey. selfishly, i want to have it all on record so i won't forget one single moment. on the other hand, its the very least i could do... the outpouring of support we've received up until this point is one of the most humbling things i've ever known. such a big part of our heart in adoption was the amazing community we have that will help raise this boy. our 'village' is strong when we are weak. and i know there will be many moments of sheer bewilderment confusion, grief and pain. to know we have the people we have around us is the only thing that doesn't make me lie awake at night. this will be the hardest thing i've done in my life... and i'm here to tell you, i absolutely CANNOT wait.
i've never been so ready to bring my baby home.