when the ET lawyer for our agency casually recommended we be
at the office today at 1 or 1:30 for our court appointment i was a little
flustered simply because no other details were allotted. i was still not totally sure what was
supposed to shake down while we are here.
we woke up this morning planning on heading over to see elliot before
court, but since the van broke down monday the ride situation got a little
dicey. we ended up just getting a ride
to the office, signing some paperwork and essentially preparing for court. when we met with the social worker we
realized a few things about elliot's history. it was all stuff we have copies
of, but to hear it explained to us by the social worker was really
enlightening. learning more about where
he was from was really cool for us.
turns out another couple that was there for court was going to the
region he was from and agreed to take a bunch of pictures and email us. that was super cool and we are looking
forward to seeing those soon.
after the paperwork we had about an hour to kill which was
not enough time to go see elliot so we got dropped off at this coffee shop that
is a starbucks knock off. pretty funny
to almost feel like we were at home.
when 1:30 rolled around and no one was there to pick us up i began to
get a little uneasy. since i had
recently learned more about the ethiopians ideas about timing, i was a little
prepared but surely court couldn't be this casual? just as i began to really ask b to do
something (i nor he had any idea what to do since we didn't have a phone or a
number to call) our driver and the social worker rolled up. we made our way to court, which was simply a
room on the second floor of an inconspicuous building near the airport. we took an elevator up to the second floor and walked down the hall to the waiting room where our
social worker signed us in-- or at least we think
that's what she did. there was a piece
of paper floating around that everyone was signing and fussing over. there were tons of ferenge in the room as
well as many ethiopians. the room was buzzing with nervous energy at least from us ferenge as we looked each other
up and down all stuffy in our 'nice' clothes.
a girl poked her head out of a side door and said a number, and an american
couple stood with their social worker and walked in. they came out 5 minutes later smiling and
tearing up. this went on for the next
hour and a half. still our number was
not called. about halfway through our
wait and older american couple-- probably in their late 50's, early 60's walked
in with 3 ethiopian children-- a girl about 12, a boy about 9, and another girl
about 7. i didn't think much of it til i
saw where they were walking to. in the
corner of the room was an ethiopian couple.
it quickly became evident they were the children's biological
parents. suddenly there was a lot of
crying from both sets of parents.... and of course me. as in i. couldn't. stop. crying. this was stressful on many levels. one, i wasn't expecting this much emotion,
and two, the judge could call us in any minute-- i had to get it together. our social worker explained that the white
parents had sponsored the 3 kids and had them living in america for the
past year or so. now they were back because the kids ET
parents wanted the american couple to adopt them. this did not help matters for me. by now the ET women around me were beginning to become concerned about me. they
kept asking why i was crying and b said, 'cuz she's happy,' which was not the
truth at all. our social worker told us
that this was a very good thing and the other
ET women in the court who were also emotional were very happy about
this. that made me feel a little
better, but not entirely.
you see, adoption is a funny thing. it is by no means a perfect solution. anyone who disillusions themselves otherwise
will be sorely disappointed. yesterday
while talking with the manager at our hotel she said to me, 'your son is very
lucky.' it wasn't the first time i had
heard some variation of that, and i know people mean well when they say things
like that, but i often find myself with nothing to say in response. it's no secret that the every adult ethiopian
we met would love to come to
america. america represents hope and change, a way to move up
in the world. yet, they don't love the
idea of us adopting their children. i
understand both. adopting a child from a
third world country has nothing to do with bringing them to america, it has
everything to do with providing a child with a mom and dad who will love them
forever. every child deserves that. so to see this ethiopian father weeping in
the court as he mourns the physical loss of his children from here on out, i
couldn't help but be torn apart. yet on
the other hand i see such a selfless love pouring out of them as they realize
that the life their children will now have will include not only unconditional love, but every physical amenity possible-- as well as the opportunity
for an exceptional education and college.
as soon as i saw those 3 kids, i saw lily, ozzy, and tali. and i asked myself if i possessed that kind
of selflessness. our social worker
mentioned this was a case of 'extreme poverty.'
would i love my kids enough to recognize that my love wasn't enough for
them? is that even the case?
so there i was sneaking glances, trying to hold it together
as these ET kids showed their mom and dad pictures of their new house, their
new school, their own room! all in
shiny, beautiful, america! soon enough
their name was called and just like that a new family was forged. i was thankful that these kids now had 2 moms
and 2 dads to call them daughter and son as bittersweet as it was.
by now we were were the last ferenge in the room. i was really starting to wonder if in fact
the court thing was cancelled after all.
our social worker had some words with the girl calling numbers and next
thing we knew we were escorted into a small room. we sat in 2 folding chairs and faced a middle
aged woman behind a desk. our social
worker had prepped us somewhat, but more importantly she had told us to keep
our answers short-- which was invaluable advice for me, cuz lord knows what
kind of rant i would get on. we answered
a quick yes to about 8 questions on topics from international adoption
education, our thoughts about ethiopia as a country, what our kids thought of
the adoption, and lastly if we had met tegegne.
before i knew it, she looked up and said these sweet, unforgettable words, 'the court
approves this adoption. it will not be
cancelled for any reason from this point forward. congratulations, tegegne is all yours.' more tears from me and and off we went.
since we didn't get to visit with elliot that morning,
abraham took us over there after court.
this was probably our sweetest visit with him. he was up from his nap and had a snack and
was in a great mood. he still didn't
want to come downstairs so we hung out in his room. 2 other toddlers were
cruising around and they all were fighting over the stuff we had brought for elliot. it was cute to see him say some words to the
other kids and get a little feisty with them. we also got some video of him
cracking up which we can't get enough of.
today was the only day that we left and i felt like he was actually sad
and a little confused. made my heart
hurt to think about.
to celebrate our victory we
took abraham out to a nice dinner at an indian restaraunt. not the best curry we've had, but it was fun nonetheless. abraham had never had
indian food so it was fun watching him try everything even though he didn't
really care for it. another great day in
ET, can't believe we leave tmrw. that
means goodbye, which are never easy.
3 comments:
Hi there.... sorry this is unrelated to your current blog. I recently reconnected with John Carter after all these year. I went to Cal Poly back in the early 90s and was a classmate of John in the math department. In fact, John and I both worked on the Navajo Reservation as instructors after I graduated in 1992.
Well anyway, I can forward you an email I have for him if you are interested.
take care, Leo. sapito1968@gmail.com
Albuquerque, NM
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