Friday, July 25, 2008
its flu-ly around here. not to be mistaken with july. us rodgeees have been hit hard this last month. our first battle with the stomach flu in early july has been followed by your basic influenza A or B or some shiz. it basically looks like high fever, comatose, cranky, whiny, coughy, needy kids. NOT FUN. for the last week i've been on the brink of, and have actually succeeded in losing it.
which leads me to my next rant.
we are blessed. there are no other words. when i say we, i don't just mean my family, i mean 99% of families i know. within my social circle, very few children have any sort of chronic illness or disability. with my kids having this temporal, but seemingly eternal flu, my mind has been bombarded with some crazy ass thoughts. most very dramatic, and many tragic- ending in death. i've almost become convinced some sort of severe hardship is looming. call it the enemy, i'd really like to, but whatever the case its got me thinking...
this last week of 1921 flu house has got me wondering if my kids will ever be back to normal. will the endless cycle of wiggles, george, and cinderella ever end? will i be destined to sit on the couch with my daughter cranking on my belly button (its sort of her safe place) for months on end? will i possibly survive the needyness these kids seem to have buckets of? things can seem so dark so fast. when life feels so overwhelming with a high fever, it makes me nervous to think how i could handle leukemia or worse.
so then i find myself blog stalking this afternoon. i really dig this chicks blog. and from her blog i found myself here. and then for some cosmic reason i clicked on this one. while i really enjoyed her july 22nd entry on boobs, i had to take it one step further and read her bio or whatever. you know, for some semblance that i could possibly write as well as her or any of the aforementioned someday. anyway, while checkin her stats, i find that she has two beautiful kids (fric and frac- how funny is that) and had lost one other a couple years back. as i read through the pages, tears streaming down my face, i was astounded once again by mankind's strength. this redneck woman doesn't appear to be a woman of faith- at least the faith we proclaim, but the resolve, strength, and raw emotion in her words jolt me. i know i've shared my very minor struggles (but seemed liked mountains at the time) with ozzy. nothing in me desires to go through that again. in fact i often wonder if i do get pregnant again, if the shear anxiety won't completely overtake me. yet i see this woman, and others, that have gone through the loss of a child and still can come up for air. the fact that they are even breathing is astounding, but to think they'd sign up for a potentially similar outcome staggers me. this woman is in the process of a adopting a special needs child. this, after she lost her 5 year old- that's five years of life and love, all to love another kid who might not have the chance to be loved.
i'm not totally sure what my angle is here. maybe i'm just coming off a hard week, but whatever the case, i really just hope and pray that when, or if God presents me with such hardship, the resolve and grace to walk through it would come in abundance.
so thank God today, would ya. we got it good people.