Wednesday, July 2, 2008

five finger spray

i have been dying to call in sick for the last 3 years.

my ideal situation would be a real bad cold. maybe a little fever to make it legit. i would wake up feverish, roll over and groan. brandon would look over and say, "are you okay?" i would sigh, and say, "i feel really terrible." i would want him to say, "babe, i'm so sorry you feel horrible. i'll get the kids and take them downstairs, and call in sick today- you just keep sleeping. let me know if you need anything." however, it would probably sound more like, "so are you going to get up, or do i have to call in sick today?" in either event, the day would progress with me making my way downstairs to an empty house (b probably took the kids to the park methinks). i would post up on the couch, and begin the marathon. i would doze and sip hot tea, with a fire in the fireplace (cause it would be winter of course), read and watch movies. i'd probably start with "along came polly," or "devil wears prada." b would somehow manage to be gone all day with the kids, lest they catch my infirmity. the day would commence with me on the couch, asleep as my family comes bounding in with hot, homemade chicken and wild rice soup with fresh bread, and we would all live happily ever after.
in all honesty the above scenario has often sounded better than a vacation. perhaps b/c i can relish in my own selfishness sans kids, or maybe just the solitude, and option to be lazy as a motha... whatever the case.. it's undoubtedly dreamy...
i'll tell you whats not dreamy. waking up at 3 am with a churning, burning stomach. "oh, lord, please don't let this be happening." tossing and turning relentlessly for the next three hours.."come on, when is it going to be day time?" cause for some reason that's comforting? light finally breaks with a screeching son just as i drift off pain free. i turn to my husband, "honey, i've got it." the "it" i'm referring to is the stomach flu, that oz came down with saturday. poor buddy yarfed like 6 times in a 12 hour period. he came through like a champ, just as b woke up monday morning with "it." b was a trooper, he was home all day yet still managed to help loads with the kids. (i'm kind of lacking in the whole nurturing your husband area). i was pretty convinced lily and i would remain unscathed. come on, its the middle of the summer, we're leaving tonight to go houseboating for the 4th... really? really? this is my sick day? this sucks... it almost sucks as much as an esophageal eruption of trader joes brown rice all morning long. however its here, and my kids are gone, and despite my ongoing, rage filled, vurping stomach.. i'll take what i can get.
it's still kind of nice to have a sick day.


Kelly Meirik said...

a friend of mine up here with 10 kids, that's right 10 said she has the greatest dream the other night- it was that she was being hauled away on a stretcher to a hospital! "to think,: she said, "of people tending to my every need." haaa!

kris pollard said...

the night we all 4 got hit with the stomach flu stands as the worst night of my life. you nailed the dreamy sick day, but i've found that feeling sick always ends up being way worse than i think it's going to be. hope it left you all quick and you had a fun 4th.

bryan.stupar said...

it knocked my out for 24 hours too!