i know it sounds harsh, but desperate times call for desperate measures. we are currently in our own private hell called swim lessons. summer after summer, i put myself through this torture. i'm not sure what motivates me to try this every year. perhaps it has something to do with the title, or maybe its just what you do with kids in the summertime. in any event, my kid is that kid. you know the one that screeches and whines just getting in the pool... never mind that once she's in you have to hold her with a death grip just to quell the panic. day after day (they go for 10 long days, and we've only finished day 3) it seems to get progressively worse. the first day she seemed a lot more confident than last year, perhaps that's because last years swim lessons consisted of me, and the teacher in the water each time, and her barely leaving the steps. she wouldn't even let the teacher hold her... why you ask... he was a boy. this year i signed her up with her little friend and specifically requested a female teacher, with the hopes of some lasting change in her swim career. i was dead wrong, let me just set the stage for the first day.
we get there and and there are like 12 kids all with goggles, swim caps and speedos (maybe not the caps). the instructor says ok, jump in and lets get our ears wet!" as if that's perfectly normal. i'm like, are you f-in kidding me? i didn't get my ears wet till i was six! perhaps that's where she gets it. in any event this class was def out of our league, so we transferred to the mommy and me, where we were once again resigned to squirt toys and sing wheels on the bus. i'm thinking, i paid $150 for what exactly? so now i've got a crying lily being carried by the teacher over to me and oz in the other class. so how am i supposed to do this? i turn to the steps and see my mom wading into the water in capris and a collared shirt. at first i'm mortified, then i realize that i'm not 16 and really, she's basically saving the day. again. so we end the first day with the two most timid kids in the world. i leave feeling discouraged. but resolve tomorrow will be better.
not so much.
so i run into a mom i know at traders on tues- you know just enough removed that they don't really know how crazy my kids are. i'm still in my suit from the earlier fiasco so they ask what i'm up to. i start to go into the whole shebang about how horrible swim has been and blah blah blah whats wrong with my kids. she just looks at me with that phony empathy face, you know that smile like, "i don't have any idea what you're talking about!" after i realize i'm not in a therapy session, i snap out of it and say, "so how are you guys anyway?" she says, "oh we're good, yeah we did swim lessons early this summer." me, "oh cool, how'd it go?" "great, gosh little sara is just a fish, you're lucky they're cautious, that's just being safe. sara is going under and jumping in, she's fearless out there!" me, "that's awesome! great, good to see you..."
back bragger i mumble as i walk away. which leads me to my next annoying mom issue.
it really could use its own separate post, but i'll touch on it here. the back brag. let me give you a perfect example from my own life (i have millions).
back bragging mom (bbm)- so how are things going? gosh oz sure is getting big! is he walking yet?
me- uh, no, not yet.
bbm- gosh, how old is he now?
me- (reluctantly) he's what, 15 months (really 15.5)
bbm- wow, you're lucky though. little petey's been not just walking, but running since 10 months! we are just chasing him everywhere.
me- yeah i guess.
there's your basic back brag. that one's a pretty natural one, but its really good when you get someone doing everything in their power to steer the conversation to brag about their kid. it's like me saying to a mom having trouble potty training her toddler... "gosh you're lucky little tommy's 4 and still not potty trained, lily was done with diapers before she was 2.5! what a pain it was always having to take her potty and not buy diapers.
the things us moms do and think!
so anyway, i apologize if i come off to cynical, i guess i'm just a little wounded about my non-amphibious kids. just another time i'm reminded that i have no control over these guys... they are who they are, one of them being a prima donna. in any event i'll keep you posted on the outcome, tomorrow is "dunking day." that should go over well uh?