Friday, May 30, 2008
age old dilemma..
well, come to think of it... two decade old dilemma might be a more fitting title. it wasn't long ago there wasn't a choice- once you got married, you were destined to be a housewife. the cool thing now is that we actually have a choice. but i guess i'm realizing its a blessing and a curse. before, you just naturally assumed the maternal role, now there is the possibility of "having it all." and of course when i think of having it all, i reference my idol... tina fey. she's got the kid, the job... i know, maybe a little un-realistic, but really, she's sort of living the dream. i look around, and lots of my friends have gone back to work part time. that seems to be a very good balance for them. i think of emily, or susan, or even my sister in law and how they are able to work and have their husbands stay with their kids. i must say that sounds pretty good. however, as much as i think i would like to go back to work, i also realize that having to have to be somewhere sounds very stressful. i love that if my kids are sick i can be with them, or any given weekend i'm available.
in any event, i was recently reminded the depths of motherhood i've fallen into. i was reading sarah forzetting's blog and listening to her challenges of life with an infant when i realized that i've almost forgotten those feelings. i suppose i've become so accustomed to "just" being a mom that i forgot how much i used to enjoy other stuff.
now, i'm not a girl of many hobbies... but i do like a good work out- either a run or a hike or a swim- even maybe a spin class or yoga or power class. i love a good book, a great bible study, anything that involves hanging out with my friends, shopping, eating, wine, heck i even miss work (i think)... i still have all these things yet it looks more like-
8 am- brandon gone, get on the phone with em (there's my social outlet)
9 am- gotta get out of the house- go on a walk (there's my exercise)
10 am- call jess to see if i can come over- she's got the bomb kids house (another social outlet)
11 am- make brandon watch the kids during his lunch so i can run errands (i guess that's my job part of the day)
1 pm- try to find a way to get my kids to eat lunch
2 pm- kids nap- i read my two year old ny times bestseller from the library (there's my reading)
3 pm- now that ellen's all re-runs, i'll probably blog (there's my intellectual outlet)
4 pm - kids awake, put a movie on for them.. talk to lealah, brooke, erin, drea or whoever answers.
5 pm- 25 minutes till b gets home- start dinner, and get my glass of wine (there's my wine and food time)
that's just a brief synopsis- there's also some time-outs, laundry, cleaning, and of course my mom often in the mix. but as you can see i still get to do all things i love, yet in very small doses. i guess in a lot of ways motherhood is just a whole bunch of compromises. it's a sucky feeling to realize how far back your needs are on the ol totem pole when you got two biscuits gaping at you all the live long, but in the same breath i suppose i wouldn't have it any other way- the joy they bring me is unparalleled to anything this side of heaven. so i don't know, i guess i'm either numb to it, or just okay with my new role. i will say, one benefit is how much you learn to take pleasure in the smallest of things- 2 hours alone, or a date with your husband, maybe even just some candy you have stashed around your house.
so ladies, can we have it all, and if so what does it look like to you?