age old dilemma..

well, come to think of it... two decade old dilemma might be a more fitting title. it wasn't long ago there wasn't a choice- once you got married, you were destined to be a housewife. the cool thing now is that we actually have a choice. but i guess i'm realizing its a blessing and a curse. before, you just naturally assumed the maternal role, now there is the possibility of "having it all." and of course when i think of having it all, i reference my idol... tina fey. she's got the kid, the job... i know, maybe a little un-realistic, but really, she's sort of living the dream. i look around, and lots of my friends have gone back to work part time. that seems to be a very good balance for them. i think of emily, or susan, or even my sister in law and how they are able to work and have their husbands stay with their kids. i must say that sounds pretty good. however, as much as i think i would like to go back to work, i also realize that having to have to be somewhere sounds very stressful. i love that if my kids are sick i can be with them, or any given weekend i'm available.
in any event, i was recently reminded the depths of motherhood i've fallen into. i was reading sarah forzetting's blog and listening to her challenges of life with an infant when i realized that i've almost forgotten those feelings. i suppose i've become so accustomed to "just" being a mom that i forgot how much i used to enjoy other stuff.
now, i'm not a girl of many hobbies... but i do like a good work out- either a run or a hike or a swim- even maybe a spin class or yoga or power class. i love a good book, a great bible study, anything that involves hanging out with my friends, shopping, eating, wine, heck i even miss work (i think)... i still have all these things yet it looks more like-
8 am- brandon gone, get on the phone with em (there's my social outlet)
9 am- gotta get out of the house- go on a walk (there's my exercise)
10 am- call jess to see if i can come over- she's got the bomb kids house (another social outlet)
11 am- make brandon watch the kids during his lunch so i can run errands (i guess that's my job part of the day)
1 pm- try to find a way to get my kids to eat lunch
2 pm- kids nap- i read my two year old ny times bestseller from the library (there's my reading)
3 pm- now that ellen's all re-runs, i'll probably blog (there's my intellectual outlet)
4 pm - kids awake, put a movie on for them.. talk to lealah, brooke, erin, drea or whoever answers.
5 pm- 25 minutes till b gets home- start dinner, and get my glass of wine (there's my wine and food time)

that's just a brief synopsis- there's also some time-outs, laundry, cleaning, and of course my mom often in the mix. but as you can see i still get to do all things i love, yet in very small doses. i guess in a lot of ways motherhood is just a whole bunch of compromises. it's a sucky feeling to realize how far back your needs are on the ol totem pole when you got two biscuits gaping at you all the live long, but in the same breath i suppose i wouldn't have it any other way- the joy they bring me is unparalleled to anything this side of heaven. so i don't know, i guess i'm either numb to it, or just okay with my new role. i will say, one benefit is how much you learn to take pleasure in the smallest of things- 2 hours alone, or a date with your husband, maybe even just some candy you have stashed around your house.
so ladies, can we have it all, and if so what does it look like to you?

big sur or bust

so i'm happy to report we had another rockin time camping this last weekend. sat morn we packed up the van with the dvd player in tow- but much to our surprise, it never got any play. the drive to limekiln was significantly closer than our last trip to fernwood. with the browns in tow- yes they had a two week old with them- we made the journey unscathed. we couldn't have asked for nicer weather- 75 degrees in big sur... c'mon! that's unreal. with 4 adults and 5 kids, we made some memories- so here are some highlights.
-lily still wearing her 1st bday "pakini"
-zaiah hiking 2 miles (round trip) to the waterfall
-playing barbies and babies for hours (k maybe a half hour) in the tents
-oz loosening up and eating copious amounts of dirt
-running from tent to tent jumping on air mattresses and screaming
-our own private beach
-the kids pirate faces (in the slide show- zeke's is award winning- mostly cause he looks drunk with all the drool on his shirt)
-b getting his photography skills on with numerous time lapsed photos that all pretty much sucked..
-never enough beer- ben's quick (1 hr) trip to gorda for a $15 six pack
-the bob proving its worth on the limekiln falls trail
-ben eating 2 hot dogs at 7 am.

we had a great time, so thanks to the browns and of course God for our badical big sur weekend.

REWARD

we're sort of in crisis mode over here at the rodgers. last night we loaded up for a family hike- kids in backpacks- lily with baby josie in tow.
for those of you that have been around lily in the last 3 years, you know that rarely is she without her #1 girl. baby josie may not always be in her arms, but she's always within an arms reach. not only does lily sleep with josie every night, but josie hangs out in the van when we go places, and even waits in her cubby at preschool. josie without lily is like a dixie without a whistle.
so as we take off i look at lily holding josie... when we get home - no josie. now, here's the mystery. lily is really not the type to drop her without noticing- and not to mention, how could we not notice her fall. yet somehow, short of being raptured- she's gone. when lily realized she was gone last night, we were able to coax her to bed with a backup- but it was definite struggle. while we were laying in bed trying to figure out where she was, lily was quiet... after a few minutes she finally said, "well, this is just a mystery isn't it." well put. i kept my composure as long as she was awake- but as soon as she fell asleep- i practically made brandon go re-hike the trail to find her. he conceded to drive the streets we walked on to get there.. to no avail. i woke up several times last night in a cold sweat- at first couldn't remember why- but then the weight fell on me- our baby is gone!!
so here we are the next day, i'm pretty much freaking out. i'm getting ready to take oz on the hike with one single goal... bring our baby home.
i'll def keep you posted.. but in the meantime- throw one up for us. if i come home empty handed, i'll probably make a flyer...

party planning still sucks

well the title kind of sums it up... but really- planning lily's third birthday was kind of a nightmare for me. don't be deceived by my previous endearing post to my daughter on her 3rd birthday- the whole week was hecka-stressful. for starters my mom unexpectedly has to leave town 2 days earlier than planned- that's 2 days of getting tons of shiz done without my kids for the rapidly approaching d-day (may 10).
the real day of her birthday (tuesday, the 6th) was fine and easy- it was your basic preschool cupcake scene and then off to the castle (the maddonna inn) for pink cake with the the fam.
let me tell you why this is not and never will be my strength. first of all, how am i supposed to know how many hot dogs 35 adults and 22 kids will eat. yes that many people came. second, who knew it would be so hard to find a pinata- food 4 less and the mexican market really let me down with these numbers- scratch that link- they are actually so ghetto they cannot be photographed- you know the ones that are like a 6 pronged star with a home printer quality picture of some disney princess knock off. anyhow they were everywhere i turned- and i guess for a reason, cause the "cute" boot and caterpillar i ended up with need low grade explosives to open. thirdly, why can't oriental trading get a box of super cute cowboy hats here any earlier then the day before the party- i'm still trying to find time to return my back up party favors.
so, those are just a few of my issues- after 7-9 trips to costco to buy, then return, buy then return- fri night finally came- i began the funfetti cupcake factory and just held my breath...
saturday morning came and it was like the gates of heaven opened... as in the sun actually surfaced in los osos. after scurrying around for some finishing touches- i came home, got my daughter dressed (in a dress i wore when i was 2 sigh) and drove over to the schoolhouse- honestly i felt like i was driving her to her wedding. needless to say by 2:00 as the hay was being hauled off and we were locking up- i felt a huge sigh of relief.
i'm just gonna lay it out- the party was a hit! lily loved it! people actually, really had fun- and they keep telling me! there was enough food- the kids were amping- no tears- lots of laughs (especially at pinata time). i'm actually pretty in at preschool these days- all the country club moms at UMCC now know osos can throw a party- a freakin fun one! the city should thank me, people might actually come out here again after that 3rd bday turned chamber of commerce event.
sat night as i sat on the couch with my glass(es) of wine- i actually thought- that was really kind of worth it.
so thanks to all who came and partook- it wouldn't have been a party without you... not to mention- lily made out in the gift realm! we really do have the bestest friends. can wait for next year!

"it feels pretty good to be three"
-lily rodgers on her 3rd bday in line at starbucks with her daddo.


well... how do we sum up 3 years in just 250 characters? i guess you could always just go back and read my entire blog history- its there where you could find my anguish, frustration, delight and sheer joy in raising my daughter. however if you are reading this, chances are you already know.
lily can best be summed up as my everything. she is my pride, much as ozzy is brandon's. yet much as i try to make her my protege- my mini me, she continues to defy it.. or maybe just defy me. whatever the case, most days i wonder if anything i do or say even impacts her, as she really is her own person. but then i hear her say, "i'm all about ice cream," and i think- well at least she talks like me.
lily is truly a product of nature, not nurture. her undying love for everything and anything princess, dress-up, shoes, fashion, make-up, and babies continues to astonish me.
my once always naked and seemingly fearless toddler has ripened into a shy, quiet and reserved three year old. don't get me wrong she is still unnecessarily opinionated, but mostly only to me. she's very logical like dad, loves to problem solve... anytime i have an excuse or reason for not doing something, she comes up with a solution. i often feel like she's too smart for her own good.
i love that she'll play with her dollhouse and babies- imaginative play for hours- she's often very self-contained.
most days she's a great sister, loves to teach and boss ozzy. for how private both of the kids are, both sure are up in each others bid-ness all day.
for all her attributes, she reminds me how "girl" she is. from her basic bad attitude to whining, she definitely makes me frantic most days. it makes me crazy how i can go from so frustrated with her (as in breaking a wood spoon on her bunk bed) to being elated at just the thought of spending time with her. most days, i can't wait for her to grow up, but then i look at ozzy and delight thinking about lily at that age.
all i know is i love her- its intense, passionate, and strangely carefree- she's a gamut of emotions, tirelessly frustrating, to amazingly lovely- she's lily and she's all mine, and today (at least) i wouldn't have it any other way.
love ya girl. happy 3.

i'm a pink ant!!!

it feels good to be an aunt. i'm so proud to say, my little niece, penelope ann richmond was born May 11, 2008 at 2:00 pm. she was 7lbs 4 oz, 19in long. my sister in law rocked the delivery- no epi freedom there! she was au natural! go cort! i can't wait to get my hands on her.. until then welcome little p! mo, betta pics to come.