lily's lingo

Just thought I'd fill you in on some of lily's expanding vocabulary these days. For starters lily is truly a richmond- much like her pop pop (my dad) she abbreviates everything. we thought it was funny when she started calling macaroni and cheese- mac mac, or Dustin- dust, or mimi -mims, or nana- nan, but then we realized it went even further- using abbreviations for things we never have. Like the other day she said "i want some wad (water)," or "mama- the tubs are on (teletubbies)" or "i'm going to presk today (preschool)." Sometimes it feels a little out of control.

while we're on it- some other cute things she's said lately...

-"mama, i want ketchup. i like ketchup, not mustache (mustard)"

-while we were at the beach she turns to me and says, "ohh i'm so starving. brrr, i'm so starving" as she reaches for her sweatshirt i realize she meant to say freezing.

- this one happens a lot- every time i get dressed she practically begs me to wear a dress or high heels. the other day i had put a skirt on and came downstairs. when she saw me her eyes lit up and she said, "mama, you look like a beautiful princess!"

-out of blue while driving yesterday she just blurts out, "i'm pretty adorable"

-my favorite- yesterday we ran into someone i hadn't seen in awhile, while i was talking to her, lily was in the shopping cart- when she realized there was a little girl (the woman's daughter) right below the shopping cart, she leans over and says in a real sweet voice, "well, who's this little one?"

my first loves

seriously, this guy is so cute. can you say that about your own kid? well i am. its been an intersting time as of late. oliver seems to be truly exiting newborn and lily seems to be really exploring and perhaps exploiting being 2. i find myself in the midst of a contemplative time (well really, when i am i not contemplating something).

when we got our dog emma lou, commonly called lou lou, i was so deeply in love. she was our baby. we tucked her in every night, walked her multiple times a day, fed her, gave her pigs ears, let her ride up front in our car. lou lou suddenly filled/fullfilled every maternal desire i had- granted i was 5 months pregnant- but you get the point. she was our baby. then the gooser came- lily was born. i remember being in the hospital and being so worrried about emma lou- thinking how lonely she must feel and how her world was going to change probably for the worse. the feelings lasted for awhile, till lily started needing it to be more quiet when she slept. our once praised for her cute bark hound dog instantly became a seal barking through a megaphone. suddenly lily's naps became the single most influential event to my sanity, and a red bone hound was nothing but a nuisance. it was sad, and i remember feeling conflicted about my new found feelings for my dog, but slowly and surely my affections for emma lou dissapated.

lily was my world, my everything for quite some time. we were best friends. we had our own little schedule, we'd sleep in (sometimes), have breakfast, walk/run, go to town- go shopping, go to traders - you get it, we did everything together. i was so taken with her, and was so excited to have this little girl as my best friend... forever, much like my mom and i. i knew things would change when oliver came along, but all through my pregnancy my affections remained the same, i couldn't even imagine loving another kid so much. i had so much anxiety the last month of pregnancy with ozzy. i was so nervous about how lily would feel and react once he came along. the night we left for the hospital, brandon went upstairs to change and i went into the bathroom and just burst into tears cause i was so distressed and heartbroken that lily's world would change forever- and seemingly in a hard way. and yet, once again my anxiety proved futile as lily responded in the most positive way to the new guy. she loved him from the beginning and has yet to lash out in anger or frustration towards him. i truly am so thankful.

fast forward 3 months. we are all in the groove of the new baby. lily is rapidly becoming to terribly two, and oliver is really coming into his own skin. i began to notice my feelings for lily changing, i was becoming a lot less patient. before, probably to a fault, i did everything i could to maximize her happiness and comfort- (ie accomodate naps, food, playtime, etc) now i had to facilitate oz into the mix of it all. suddenly ozzy would start crying in the car and then lily would start to whine, and i would become so irritated with lily, like all the crying, olivers included, was her fault. i realized, with the help of a friend, i had come to place unrealistic expectations on my toddler. suddenly she was like an adult- and capable of so much more than a 2 year old. unconscioulsy i had made it so all her crying and whining could only be tolerated to a point- a short point for that matter. when she would throw a little fit or be bratty i found myself so annoyed. but as i considered it more, i wasn't annoyed or irritated at her, i was frustrated and really sad i guess, that i would have to even have those feelings for once the sweet love of my life. it's a trippy thing to sometimes not like your kid. i can only imagine what it would be like to have a collicky baby and have those feeling so early on. it's so hard to pin down. it's not like you don't like your bratty child, its that your mad you even have to have negative emotions towards this little love of your life. can you really be mad at your own feelings and then have them negatively manifest themself onto your toddler...? i may be going in circles here, but i think my point is spoken.

what i do know is i love these babies... (even emma lou). i never knew that thier happiness would supercede any of my own wants or desires. its beautiful thing to experience so much love this side of heaven. i'm so thankful that God didn't have to divide my love in half when oz was born, he simply doubled it.

i think they look alike....

how funny is this. both of these pictures were taken when lily and oliver were about 6 months old. i think they look a lot alike, just add a half a pound of cheeks to oliver and you've got a lily...what do you guys think?

camping

the rodgers family went camping this weekend for fathers day and for fun. we typically go up to big sur (plaskett creek), but when we woke up sat morning the fog was socked in. so on a last minute impluse we went up to lake san antonio (pretty random). we were in search of warm weather, and did we find it! the temp was perfect and so the kids enjoyed them selves. it proved to be a comical weekend in many regards...

Top 1o things we forgot:

10) silverware

9) a trash bag

8) skewers for smores

7) syrup and butter for pancakes
6) chips

5) a trash bag
4) a bowl for salad

3) camp fire chairs- or any chairs for that matter

2) paper towels/napkins

1) loud and obnoxious rap music, oh wait our closest camping neighbors provided that in abundance... all night long.

Top 10 things we remembered/had an abundance of:

10) diapers

9) salad

8) salsa

7) french presses

6) kids clothes

5) pancake mix

4) graham crackers

3) pancake mix

2) camp stoves

1) marshmellows

to say the least, it was no big sur, but we made the most of it.

God who?

"one mark of christian authenticity is discontentment with anything less than all the fullness of God"

-John Piper

"i feel like my parents in the late 80's" brandon tells me as we are driving home from church. having not known his parents in the late 80's- i still know exactly what he meant. it's that place of not outright sin, but def not full of passion and longing for God- it's just kind of going through the motions. i'm gonna get right to the point this time, i have been trying to skirt around it this entire blog, but today is the day... i am lacking intimacy with God. i've got all the excuses and justifications- parenting, nursing, 2 small children, time, apathy. it's all there and all real, but not they do not exonerate me from walking closely with the God i love.

i've been trying to put my finger on it for awhile... using words like "evolved, or matured, or season" to justify my current state, but i don't think it really matters or helps. sometimes i think its about time, like when, and how do i find time for a "quiet time." But it's deeper than that- its off my radar. i'm not craving intimacy with God, as a matter of fact, i'm really not craving intimacy with anyone- i am brimming with affections- if i'm not nursing (which really when am i not- my son is starving) i'm cuddling my toddler, or trying to love on my husband. physically, i am complete. mentally, i'm lacking. i find in the few minutes of alone time i have, i want to loose myself in a novel- about to start anna karenina (anyone want to read it with me?) - or guiltily want to watch ellen- seriously she is so stinkin funny. what i don't feel like doing is getting out the old bible.

i've written about feeling dissatisfied before- that was a wordly dissatisfaction stemmed from a lack of spirituality... it seems so obvious now. i really thought for awhile that my faith had evolved- that's not quite the word, b/c to evolve denotes an aspect of superiority - which isn't what i mean. i'll tell you what i do know. what i do know, is that my faith looks a lot different than it did when i first got saved, or when i was in college, and rightly so. i am a different person, my environment and circumstances are completely different. i also know that i have become more liberal in my faith. what's redeeming is that for me, this liberalness (is that a word) equates more love and acceptance. i don't feel so confined and defined by the right wing republican ticket. i do believe global warming exists, i believe that god really loves homosexuals and they can be my friends without feeling like i have to convert them- and to broaden it further, i can have non-christian friends- we can agree to disagree. i can have a beer, or a glass of wine and not feel condemned. i feel a lot more free, and more importantly as i mentioned a lot more love.

yet i know the line is fine. and my liberalness can waver into disobedience... thankfully i have in my life people that will, and have called me out in my idleness.

so hear i am. knowing i need to fall in love with God again. craving a holy discontentment- not a wordly one as piper would say. i want to long for jesus and the things that are of him. i want to be yearning for righteousness and desire to know Him more, not so that i can be, or feel like a better person, but so that i can experience the zeal and fervor and majesty that comes when we are right with him- so that if nothing else it will overflow into the people around me- especially, and of utmost importance for my children... as it is written, "we...pray for you... that you may be... increasing in the knowledge of God." "Grow in the... knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." (Colossians 1:9-10; 2 Peter 3:18) and again, "we must pay closer attention to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away." (Hebrews 2:1)

so that's my heart today... let's pray for renovation...

alright some pictures already

Most of these are from our cruise... others from around the house. Dig it. More of my ranting and raving later....

bogging or blogging

Okay, it's been awhile... i'm about ready to burst. gotta get my blog on... did i just say that. anyway. I do miss the ol blog, been busy with I don't know - 2 kids or something (really how do people have more than 2) . We went on vacation- well - I don't know if I would call it vacation. It wasn't exactly relaxing - how is anything relaxing with two kids - it was more of a family trip. Note the distinction. It was good though- thankful for the oppurtunity to go- for those who don't know we went on a cruise to the "mexican riviera"- which is just a fancy was of saying tijuana. J/K. Daughter turned 2- found out i've been starving my 5th percentile in weight son... so it's been full- good though. Got some stuff brewing... more probably on thursday. keep the comments up- it really motivates me.