kinderwonder

every fall i get this feeling.

i look around my church and i see these kids with their parents and its all to familiar. not familiar in the sense that i've experienced it, but familiar in the sense that i know how fast it will be here.

i know i'm supposed to be all choked up about my firstborn starting kindergarten, but for some reason i've skipped all her schooling and gone straight to college. i don't know what it is about these kids that makes me cry my eyes out. the fact that they have made it this far? the fact that they are at church with their parents still? the fact that they want God to be a part of their college experience? whatever the case, it gets me every year...

and this year... the stakes are higher.

because....

its that time. you've read them before. i'm pretty sure all mom bloggers are required to write one. but this is my first, obligatory kindergarten post.

this wednesday, lily pearl rodgers will march her way two blocks up the road and begin her school career.

as most of you know, i got a pretty good size sentimental bone in this ol body of mine. i get sappy like the best of them. the baby girl, our firstborn, my goose is beginning a totally new season of her life. everyone always tells you how fast it flies by, and you laugh politely not feeling that way at all, and then all of the sudden you wake up one day, and pack a lunch and drop her off.

she's someone now, outside of you.

and that's a feeling i know i will never get used to. i remember the first time i realized that lily actually had an identity, a life, experiences outside of me. it was stupid, it was about a pretzel-- i wrote this about it:

she is two years old. it's not like she doesn't have any sort of life outside me... but the other day I was struck by something she said. we were on the rodgers houseboat just hanging out. b's mom, shelley, started to get some snacks out... hummus, carrots, crackers, pretzels etc... I asked lily if she wanted some carrots or crackers (two staples in her diet) and she said, ' no, I want those'- pointing to the pretzels. i thought, that's funny, since she is not the most daring eater, why would she want those skinny looking pretzel sticks- they don't even look interesting. so i pointed to the bag and said, 'these, are you sure?' she quickly said, 'yes- i want those ones.' so i hand her the bag and she pulls one out. just before she takes a bite, she pauses and looks up at me and in a real matter of fact way she says , 'i have these at preschool.'it was a simple as that, and i was just struck. to think she experienced something outside of our little world was so baffling to me. not only did she experience it, she liked it- and i wasn't even there to share it. i know it seems silly, and really pretty inconsequential. but for the first time in my life with lily, i kind of felt like an outsider. somehow i know it won't be the last time. just a reminder, i suppose, to cherish the mundane- even if it means a new type of cracker- it's still just ours.

that was 3 short years ago. since then, she's had many more experiences like that. some were big, some were little, but as her mom, i've known at least in part about the majority of them. though i try to be that ever-present available figure in her life, the reality is i have 2 other kids to chase after. 2 other kids to shine that magnifying glass on. its not easy having to miss stuff, or not being available in the way i always thought i would be-- she's my baby after all. she's the only one that had my sole affection for so long-- 19 months to be precise.

even though she makes me crazy most days, with her incessant wardrobe changes and snotty attitude, every once in awhile i'll catch a glimpse of what was. just yesterday in fact, as she was laying in the bath, her hair was wet and slicked back to her head, almost giving the appearance of no hair. i was busy reading a book and she called my name to have me look at her go underwater. i looked up and for just a split second with her wet hair, all i saw was her face.

this face

and i remembered.

i remembered sleepless nights, pacing the downstairs, begging for sleep.

and then not long after, losing sleep --worrying about how she didn't eat, or why she couldn't poop, or why she seemed so different than other kids.

but i also remembered this...

she was the only one who got this.

she was my first and last in so many ways.

our bond is tight, sometimes strangulation sort of tight.

so with that said. i bid you farewell in many ways LP. i pray and hope that you will always want to share with me. whether its about your first crush, your new favorite book, or the first time your heart gets broken, i am your mom and i love you like you'll never know. i know you'll do great on wednesday.

and for the record, i'll always remember us like this....

oh, and monarch grove elementary, i know you do this every year with dozens of kids. though this year may not seem any different to you, it is to me. i'm trusting you with the best thing that ever happened to me.

don't let me down.

and good luck.

your gonna need it.

dolphins

once upon a time there was a six year old girl.

this little girl loved sports. this was strange cuz her parents could really care less about athletics, and her only sibling was to much older to really have a major impact on her.

when she was eight years old, her best friend 'dared' her to try a contest taking place during recess. since she was never one to back down from a dare, she walked over to the basketball courts where the contest was taking place. she wrote her name down and waited in line. when it was her turn, an edelrly man handed her a basketball and told her to try and throw it into the basket. since she had never played basketball before she wasn't exactly sure what to do, but knew that somehow she would have to get it into the net. so she dropped the ball down and threw it up underhand - also known as granny style. much to her surprise the ball went in the net. she had to do it 10 more times and ended up making 8 of the 10. a few minutes later that same gentleman told her she had won the contest.

the little girl was shocked.

for at the wee age of 8 she experienced for the first time what it felt like to be good at something. she went on to compete county wide where she took second. thus launching her little know basketball career. she continued to compete in the contests for the next few years, winning at the school and then county level almost every time. when she was 10 she got her big break and made it all the way to the Los Angeles Semi -State Finals, where she heartbreakingly took second.

the little girl quickly realized that she loved basketball. she would go to the recreation department almost every day after school and practice shooting. she would sleep with her basketball and watched micheal jordan religiously. basketball was her world, her everything.

by the time she was 9, she began to realize that athletics came easy to her. why not mix it up? after a brief AYSO soccer career, she decided to take it to the next level.

since her second love was the SF 49ers, which she also watched religiously every sunday with her dad and brother, she thought maybe she'd try her hand at football. the adults around her just kind of laughed at the idea, and strung her along in the expectation the phase would pass.

but this little girl was very stubborn.

and so when she saw signs for pop warner youth football, she threw a massive fit until her mom walked her over to the sign-ups. the good ol boys had a good laugh at the idea and humored her mom-- secretly hoping it couldn't be-- surely there must be something in the rules about girls not playing!

yet they were wrong, and it was then and there that a skinny little girl called holly richmond became the first girl in SLO county to play pop warner football.

with that sweet tale, i'm dying to know....

'what about your childhood wouldn't most people guess?'

make out mountain

sorry if you've missed me.

i wish i could say i've been to busy makin love like p diddy, but instead i've been busy being in the most beautiful wedding of all time (besides my own) and trying to ferberize my 9 month old.

what can i say, life gets busy.

but oh, oh how i have missed thee...

and though i haven't been hittin the sugar shack as much as i want to, i will say i have been thinking a bit about makin out.

see it always comes back to running.

i realized the other day as i was running in slo that this dang town is sooooo full of memories. on a whim, i headed over the jennifer st bridge, and huffed my way up terrace hill, and when i reached the plateau, the memories came a floddin.'

for those of you who aren't lucky enough to call yourself slo locals.... you might not know that terrace hill is where it ALL went down. since slo is such a small town, there wasn't like old cornfields or abandoned barns for us wily high-schoolers to drink our beer in-- instead we devised a 'hill' that was just difficult enough to climb up to stave off those bored coppers roaming the streets. every few months or so from the years 1993-1997 we would receive 'word' that something was gonna shake down on ol t-hill. so we'd round up some fuzzy navel and our best v-neck and make the trek. when we'd finally reach the top, instead of marveling at the beautiful town below us, we'd try and scope out who was makin out with who, and where the liquor was (we were a classy bunch).

anyway, the general debauchery would continue until we saw those little flashlights makin their way up the path. word would hit, and we would scatter like leaves in the wind-- we'd be trickling down the sides of terrace hill, running through brush, tripping over rocks, all just to avod the 5-o. later we'd call each other and tell of our escape, and who we made it with. other times we'd hear of the not so luckies that landed the dreaded MIP. in any event terrace hill was a big part of my high school experience....

but that's not where i got busted.

3 words: laguna lake park.

now let me just preface by saying there are many places to 'park' in slo in the back of your boyfriends parents 4-runner. laguna lake is not one of them.

picture it: me, 1996. tired of the old make-out spots, me and a boy we'll call 'gunner' decide to mix it up. we start driving around and make our way over to the glorified pond lake. we drive around to the back, past the park, and find a spot. one thing leads to the next (as it does quickly in high school) and before i know it we're in it thick. and not seconds after we round second base, a little light flashes in those factory tinted windows. at first we just ignore it, prolly just a car driving by, but then the light becomes brighter, and is accompanied by knocking and a deep voice. suddenly we become very aware that someone is trying to get our attention, and short of feeling like we're in the sequel to scream, i scrounge to find my shirt as gunner rolls down a window.

officer: 'good evening. what are you doing here?'

gunner: 'oh, just hanging out.'

officer: 'just hanging out huh? are you alone?' as he flashes his light to the back of the car and sees me holding a shirt up across my chest. 'hmm, i see.'

gunner: 'we were a just hanging out, i promise,' as his voice starts to quake and moves an octave higher.

officer: 'do your parents know where you are?' the dreaded words. for the love, please don't call our parents.

after what seemed like an eternity he finally said, 'alright, you kids run along home now, i don't want to see you over here again, you got that?'

a resounding 'yes sir!'

we got our clothes rearranged and gunner started the car.

'whew, that was close huh?' he said.

'yeah, kinda scary. my heart was pounding!' i confessed.

after a minute, i looked over at him and said, 'well, should we head to the airport viewing lot?'

and off we went. you can't stop hormones teenage love, just ask jake ryan.

so with that said, please do tell...

'where is your hometown's best make-out spot?'

or... for the brave few--

'have you ever been caught in the act?'