Monday, January 11, 2010

and now its 2010

all i have to look forward to now is the superbowl... which will still be awesome even though the niners didn't even make the play-0ffs.

as bittersweet as this time of year can be, the one thing i really get into is a good new years resolution.

it seems as though most people i know could care less about making resolutions come january 1. yet for me, i love an opportunity to strive to make some real change in my life. on our drive down to el capitan, b and i began our discussion about what we were gonna shoot for in 2010. b was rearing to go, he already had two resolutions in order. as we talked, i realized i hadn't thought much about it yet. but as i took the time to think about it that day and night, by the 31st i was pretty sure i'd figured out my main one.
i think one of the hardest things about making new years resolutions is knowing that you will likely fail, so i suppose this is my vain attempt to create some accountability for myself.
without further ado... i present the new holly in 2010.

-numero uno- play with my kids more. so what do i do all day at home (which i am increasingly thankful for) when i'm not playing with my kids?

try to stay sane.

i get super covetous of my time throughout the day. if the baby is awake then i need to nurse her, or rock her to sleep, or change her--so i'm to preoccupied to play with oz and lil. but if she's asleep, then i think, 'i can finally fold the laundry or unload the dishwasher, or start making dinner'... so between the housework and the baby, i'm left with little time to play 'truckbabies.' they beg me all day long, so when i finally give in it looks a bit like this.

kids: 'mooooom, please (i added that for effect-rarely do they say please) come play with us. come play babies! come play trucks!'

me: 'okay, just let me finish reading this blog reading my bible.'

kids: 'mom, come on!'

me: 'fine, okay, lets play truckbabies'

this is the part where i go in their room, get ozzy's trucks out and start discussing what rebecca ruben is going to wear to the ice capades. then after about 2.5 minutes i get insanely bored and say...

me: 'okay, rebecca looks great. i'm just going to 1) make myself some tea, 2) make a quick phone call, or 3) i think i hear the baby'

then i exit and usually they have had enough interaction to keep playing by themselves.

yet just the other day as i stared into my baby girls baby blues (praying they stay blue!) i thought, this really is my last baby (out my tummy anyway). i am soooo in love with this child-- its crazy. whats even crazier is to think i could ever be mad or frustrated with her, like i am every other minute with the 4 and 3 yr old. but it was at the beach on wed as i watched lily and oz play with the blackwell and buchanan boys i realized that next year lils will be in kindergarten and life will be much different for us. this time of having 3 kids at home is never almost ending. as boring as playing with my kids so often seems, i do know one thing for sure--i don't want to look back and think that cleaning the fridge or mopping the floor was more important than helping oz find thomas' coal tender, or discussing tali's clothes with lily. i know i'll be one of those crazy moms that says, 'remember when...' all the time to their kids and husband, and the last thing i want them to say is 'i can't ever remember you playing with us, but our sheets were always clean.'

numero dos- i really feel like this should be number one, simply because of the supreme importance of it, and the way it impacts/shapes/defines every area of my life. i'm not even sure how to put a title to it, but ultimately it involves god, faith, joy and me. its obvious to most that the perils of parenthood can veil every certain areas of your life that once shone. for me i used to love reading, writing, playing sports, etc... now i'm lucky to post a blog once a month, actually finish the book my book club is reading, or find 20 mins to run a few times a week. my physical, and emotional existence is completely smothered consumed by my children. if i'm not nursing one, i'm trying to dress another, unload the dishwasher, pick up the toys... you get it (most of you live it, right?!) anyway, my point is the few minutes of 'me' time i do have involves mindless loafing on the interwebs, talking on the phone to my friends, or in the evenings -- watching tv. yet i'm continually asking how am i supposed to have the energy and joy in being a stay at home mom if i'm not filling myself with things that are eternal? how are my kids going to grow up with a real, unwavering faith if they never see their parents walk it out? i know that going to church most sundays, and praying before bed every night isn't enough. i want to have a passion for god that permeates every area of my life. i want my kids and friends to see my joy and know that it comes from something bigger than this life can offer. after a convicting message from rev 3 on sunday, b and i went to dinner and were able to discuss how we can purge this lukewarm lifestyle. we came away feeling challenged and motivated.
so here's to 2010- i pray its a year of lasting change for my family and yours... i'd love to hear what y'all striving for. i'm always looking for something new to tack on to my list...


Erin said...

So good. These are two things that I'm definitely working on this year. The past few weeks I've been trying to "play" with the girls more and I'll be honest... it's been fun. And I feel like the more time I spend with them, the better they behave and the less whiny they are. So it's a win win situation.

And the God thing. I'm totally there too. I was just in such a blah stage with all of that. I started this thing with a bunch of people... we're reading the whole bible this year. Such a huge challenge for me but so far it's been amazing and I'm learning a ton.

You definitely have some challenging resolutions but definitely ones that will make you better and make your entire family happier. Good ones :)

Jen Schlenker said...

love you holls. Jesus lead us, teach us, give us Joy and Keep us humble. I love you sister, great to hear your voice last night. you have so much going on and are you still pick up the phone to call me and love me and check in... love you !

Anonymous said...

You're inspiring Holly... and a great writer! Thanks for taking the time to share what you're learning.... or yearning for.