Friday, July 25, 2008
its flu-ly around here. not to be mistaken with july. us rodgeees have been hit hard this last month. our first battle with the stomach flu in early july has been followed by your basic influenza A or B or some shiz. it basically looks like high fever, comatose, cranky, whiny, coughy, needy kids. NOT FUN. for the last week i've been on the brink of, and have actually succeeded in losing it.
which leads me to my next rant.
we are blessed. there are no other words. when i say we, i don't just mean my family, i mean 99% of families i know. within my social circle, very few children have any sort of chronic illness or disability. with my kids having this temporal, but seemingly eternal flu, my mind has been bombarded with some crazy ass thoughts. most very dramatic, and many tragic- ending in death. i've almost become convinced some sort of severe hardship is looming. call it the enemy, i'd really like to, but whatever the case its got me thinking...
this last week of 1921 flu house has got me wondering if my kids will ever be back to normal. will the endless cycle of wiggles, george, and cinderella ever end? will i be destined to sit on the couch with my daughter cranking on my belly button (its sort of her safe place) for months on end? will i possibly survive the needyness these kids seem to have buckets of? things can seem so dark so fast. when life feels so overwhelming with a high fever, it makes me nervous to think how i could handle leukemia or worse.
so then i find myself blog stalking this afternoon. i really dig this chicks blog. and from her blog i found myself here. and then for some cosmic reason i clicked on this one. while i really enjoyed her july 22nd entry on boobs, i had to take it one step further and read her bio or whatever. you know, for some semblance that i could possibly write as well as her or any of the aforementioned someday. anyway, while checkin her stats, i find that she has two beautiful kids (fric and frac- how funny is that) and had lost one other a couple years back. as i read through the pages, tears streaming down my face, i was astounded once again by mankind's strength. this redneck woman doesn't appear to be a woman of faith- at least the faith we proclaim, but the resolve, strength, and raw emotion in her words jolt me. i know i've shared my very minor struggles (but seemed liked mountains at the time) with ozzy. nothing in me desires to go through that again. in fact i often wonder if i do get pregnant again, if the shear anxiety won't completely overtake me. yet i see this woman, and others, that have gone through the loss of a child and still can come up for air. the fact that they are even breathing is astounding, but to think they'd sign up for a potentially similar outcome staggers me. this woman is in the process of a adopting a special needs child. this, after she lost her 5 year old- that's five years of life and love, all to love another kid who might not have the chance to be loved.
i'm not totally sure what my angle is here. maybe i'm just coming off a hard week, but whatever the case, i really just hope and pray that when, or if God presents me with such hardship, the resolve and grace to walk through it would come in abundance.
so thank God today, would ya. we got it good people.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
so i decide to go on a hike this morning with ozzy. with lily off at preschool on tuesday mornings i'm offered luxuries like watching the today show, exercising, and having only one kid. so like the compassionate pet owner i am, i decide to take our dog on this new hike in the park brandon told me about. part of my motivation in bringing the dog is that last time i tried the hike, i encountered two coyotes in the middle of the trail. after a frantic call to brandon where he assured me coyotes are not to be feared, i promptly turned around and headed back down the trail. anyhow, i digress. so with oz in the backpack, my hillary is my homegirl shirt, and lou leading the way, we make our way up the steep incline. no coyotes this time, just lots of scat. at the top, i'm amazed as i get a full view of los osos, the spit, the bay and all the way to the rock. its truly breathtaking and i'm reminded how blessed we are to call this place home. after my moment, i charge down avoiding any scrap of sand in my rockin new hiking shoes (not boots). as i turn the corner to reach my van, i lean down to take lou of her leash and as i look up i see a huge sign that says something like, "absolutely no dogs ever on trails." as i contemplate my sin, i hear a truck slowing as it pulls into the parking area. just my luck, its a ranger. so here i am red-handed. i am standing under an unmistakable sign with my dog. as i'm considering what words to throw out.. mountain lion, rabid coyote, skunk etc, i see him checking out none other than my EV.
thats right, you know you are in los osos when a ranger stops you with your dog, in a no dog area, to talk to you about your eurovan.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
i have been dying to call in sick for the last 3 years.
my ideal situation would be a real bad cold. maybe a little fever to make it legit. i would wake up feverish, roll over and groan. brandon would look over and say, "are you okay?" i would sigh, and say, "i feel really terrible." i would want him to say, "babe, i'm so sorry you feel horrible. i'll get the kids and take them downstairs, and call in sick today- you just keep sleeping. let me know if you need anything." however, it would probably sound more like, "so are you going to get up, or do i have to call in sick today?" in either event, the day would progress with me making my way downstairs to an empty house (b probably took the kids to the park methinks). i would post up on the couch, and begin the marathon. i would doze and sip hot tea, with a fire in the fireplace (cause it would be winter of course), read and watch movies. i'd probably start with "along came polly," or "devil wears prada." b would somehow manage to be gone all day with the kids, lest they catch my infirmity. the day would commence with me on the couch, asleep as my family comes bounding in with hot, homemade chicken and wild rice soup with fresh bread, and we would all live happily ever after.
in all honesty the above scenario has often sounded better than a vacation. perhaps b/c i can relish in my own selfishness sans kids, or maybe just the solitude, and option to be lazy as a motha... whatever the case.. it's undoubtedly dreamy...
i'll tell you whats not dreamy. waking up at 3 am with a churning, burning stomach. "oh, lord, please don't let this be happening." tossing and turning relentlessly for the next three hours.."come on, when is it going to be day time?" cause for some reason that's comforting? light finally breaks with a screeching son just as i drift off pain free. i turn to my husband, "honey, i've got it." the "it" i'm referring to is the stomach flu, that oz came down with saturday. poor buddy yarfed like 6 times in a 12 hour period. he came through like a champ, just as b woke up monday morning with "it." b was a trooper, he was home all day yet still managed to help loads with the kids. (i'm kind of lacking in the whole nurturing your husband area). i was pretty convinced lily and i would remain unscathed. come on, its the middle of the summer, we're leaving tonight to go houseboating for the 4th... really? really? this is my sick day? this sucks... it almost sucks as much as an esophageal eruption of trader joes brown rice all morning long. however its here, and my kids are gone, and despite my ongoing, rage filled, vurping stomach.. i'll take what i can get.
it's still kind of nice to have a sick day.