Wednesday, October 10, 2007

next.... part 1

there is no denying that it has been awhile... oh how i've missed my blogifi. no real excuses, just a bit of your basic writers bloc... i am going to start using literary terms like that--- b/c (drum roll please) i am seriously considering going back to school.

that's right, school? me? for those of you that know me- which consists of anyone reading this- you know that academia and me aren't so snug. we flirt, but there has never been any real intimacy- until as of late.

i often think about my future- hee hee, not really. most days i think about how i can finagle some sort of break from my kids; or figure out a way to get lily to eat- anything; or long for some sort of holiday. having young kids really puts you "in the now," which is why i am very concerned about my future (and you should be too!). It is so incredibly easy to see how we can get lost in our kids- becoming a hover mother doesn't seem so absurd these days. we come to realize how much these little guys need us, and we love being able to be that for them- so, consequently, our own hobbies, interests, relationships and overall self begins to disintegrate. and before we know it they are grown up, gone. and we find ourselves standing in the kitchen thinking, "what just happened, and who the hell am i anyways???"

we are all familiar with the age old mid-life crisis, and it is seeming more obvious than ever that kids leaving home is def a main factor. so why not be pro-active now right???

i'm not so sure that i found the answer to my quandary, but for whatever reason, i am aware of the above dilemma. i guess it seems like pursuing something for me just might alleviate some future frustrations. as i considered how i could get to know myself again, i realized that time away from my kids was my best bet. i looked around and saw that a few of my friends were going back to work- which didn't sound like fun at all. cause really, i already have a job- i am a realtor- and very available for any of you (wink, wink). but anyways my job is sporadic at best, and though i do enjoy it, it def doesn't inspire me. so, the other day when my mom was over, she was going on and on about how great my kids are, and how swell life is, and how she is living her dream- which is awesome b/c i would seriously have gone insane without her- but anyway she seemed to think i was living my dream as well. which, is def true, i guess... well not really. as an angst filled teenager, the thought of a white picket fence, or as we do in los osos- trash and non-operative vehicles in our front yard- wasn't exactly what i had in mind. the "amerian dream" was not something for this innovative soul. i wasn't sure what it looked like, but 2.7 kids and the walk-in closet was not for me. then i became a christian, and my priorities changed and i naturally fell into this role. which, by the way, i adore. i am so thankful for two healthy, happy kids and the ability to stay home with them- yet, i keep finding myself asking... there is more isn't there?

so, with a little encouragement from my friends, i have begun this process... i'll fill y'all in on some details later, but in the meantime- just keep reminding me about it- you guys are kind of my accountability, cause i have been known- probably just once or twice- to start something and not finish... so with that said, be a friend, would ya?


Kelly Meirik said...

Holls, you stirred a bit of panic in my soul...I know not your intention but like you & lotsa others I'm sure have had those same thoughts. I even declined admission into my msw program...something just didn't feel right. a friend just proposed life coach school so as to help case manage a clinic he wants to start but i'm just not feeling it. for some reason although i tend to be really proactive i just keep thinking it'll be really obvious when I'm suppose to pursue something else. maybe that's denial or procrastination though...well darn it I have to be in the toddler/2 room and my hair still smells like last nights bonfire! Whoops! Love you Holls...

Anonymous said...

Holly, You are soooo talented. I support you going back to school; just really, really pick a focus area that means something to you. Go for it girl!


Holls said...

thanks for the encouragement sheila- you kind of rock the career thing!
kell- I know, there are times i feel so much like its a bad choice-like last night- when i have the worst cold on record and my 9 month old has an ear infection- i think there is no way!!! but then i realize that these circumstances are not the norm, and most days i crave so much more intellectual stimulation. its funny too, cause i remember about 6 months ago when you were debating going back to school. i remember thinking, "that sounds crazy, no way would i want to do something like that.." funny how the table has turned and here i am making all the steps to make it happen! we'll see, gonna post more about it soon!

si said...

hurry up and get better. cabo in 4 days. oh man, i hope the plane doesn't bother oz w/ the ear infection. we'll pray for speedy healing. and good grades.

The Harper Family said...

Holls...I think going back to school and challenging yourself can only give you knowledge and good old cal poly would say"knowledge is power." Seriously I commend you for not accepting life just as it is but striving for something more...

Laura Rodgers said...

hey holly!

Shelly just shared with me your blog site! Nice site! Love seeing the photos of the kids, Rodgers kids are always the cutest in my option! :)

I am on blogger too:

see you soon in the holidays!
Laura :)

frame of dust said...

Whenever I read your posts, you always manage to give me something to take away and consider. Let it be known, you have done it again. thanks