i know last week you were all dying without our weekly would you rather... but it was my baby girls bday and i decided her tribute triumphed.
so i thought i'd take us to a more serious topic for our would you rather thursday, and to be honest i think i'm still undecided on this one....
would you rather be known as the most generous person or the most faithful person?
and of course... why?
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
conniekins
for mothers day i bought myself a book called 'because i lover her.' its a compilation of over 30 women writers who reflect on the mother-daughter bond. i'm only onto the third one, but already i've been moved to tears.when i try to analyze why the mother daughter thing is so relevant to me, its really not as complicated as i often make it.
its simple really. i've always had a great relationship with my own mom.
my parents divorced when i was 8, and since my brother was 7 yrs older- he went and lived with my dad. it was only a matter of a couple of years till he bailed slo completely. i always felt like an only child. but never did i feel lonely the way many only children do. maybe because i knew in the back of my mind that one day my brother and i would be close (as we are), or maybe it was because my mom was like a sister in so many ways. in any event, i came to know life through my mother's eyes.
now that i have kids of my own, i cannot even fathom what it would be like to be a single mom. i guess i would hope that, like my own mom did, i would just pour myself into my kids. however, i'm not so sure i would be capable of such a selfless act. from age 8-18 my mom pretty much put her own needs, desires and wants aside to ensure my success as a woman. though i did my fair share of blowing it, for the most part it worked.
as i read through some of the essays in the book, i find it interesting that so many of these women feel incompetent around their own mothers. they feel as if they will never cook, clean, organize, sew, carpool or whatever as well as their own mom did. though they love their mom, they often dread her visit, cause feelings of inferiority may surface.
when it comes to running a household, i don't share the same sediments. though i in no way have mastered it, things run pretty smooth here on fearn ave. typically when b gets home, the house is picked up, dinner is in process and the kids are generally happy.
though i'm satisfied with my homemaking abilities, i know its not enough.
although my kids are still young, i recognize its their character, integrity, their world view- that's the stuff that really matters. as i've mentioned before, i'm not sure i'd have the confidence to rent a room to john carter, or take the time to stop old ladies in the grocery store and watch their eyes light up as i tell them lavender really is their color, or drag my kids to the old folks home to visit every sunday and call it church. i grew up going to unity, and marianne williamson was a household name. all these experiences and more are what made me the person i am today. my moms ability to expose me to so many things, in combination with her devout love for me (as in never once missing one of my basketball games) are what defined my character. and though i would sometimes long to live in the arbors in a track home with nice white carpet and a mom and dad and chocolate chip cookies, i know now that living on pismo street in a smelly old house on the creek with john was really where i belonged.
my moms gifts would take pages to list. she's one of those people that impacts all she interfaces with. to this day when i run into people from my past, kids and parents alike will always ask about my mom.
her love for god humbles me. her heart for social justice moves me. and her love for her grandkids brings me to my knees in thankfulness...
i've said it before and i'll say it again, if i could be half the woman she is, i will have succeeded.
happy mothers day mom.
i love you.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
when your daughter turns 4
i've never been one of those moms that dreads her kids getting older. i haven't looked back and wished i had more time at a certain age, or wished that time would just stop so i could capture a phase in their life. i've always looked to the future with confidence and anticipation... what will they be, how will they love?
my baby girl turns 4 tomorrow.
to think 4 years ago, i sauntered into the hospital with no idea of what i would leave with. when lily was born, i felt overwhelmed with joy and elation. the day had come.
my firstborn.
my pearl.
however, as the hours went on, and the visitors ceased, i had glimpses of my future, and the uncertainty set in. here i hold my flesh and blood... my lineage, my daughter. i felt, as i've shared before, an intensity creeping over me. how could i shape and mold and love and care for this girl to make her into a woman filled with passion, generosity and the ability to love recklessly. how could i instill in her all the things i value in myself, and yet protect her from all my inadequacies? i knew the task was big, and would be overwhelming, but in my heart i was hopeful.
after one magical year as a family of three, i find out i was pregnant. i knew lily, b and i would never be the same, but never could i have a imagined how much the birth of oz would complete us. time began to blur as the years passed. i've had moments with lil i know were divine, and yet i've had moments of anger and frustration i never knew i contained.
lily couldn't be more different than i had imagined. born with a full head of black hair, chubby cheeks, and shrills that could wake the dead, i looked at my daughter and thought... 'this isn't exactly what i expected.' she continued to surprise me. the look in her eye the first time i saw her hold a doll, her seemingly inherent dislike of boys, her obsession with skirts, dresses, jewelry and all things 'fancy,' all remind me of just how different she is than myself. when she looks at me and tells me 'i will never play sports ever! i will only be a cheerleader!' i cringe, but its not the heartbreak i might've thought. or when she changes her clothes seven times a day, i'm frustrated, but not as annoyed as i would think.
through all my preoccupation with making my daughter someone i could be proud of, i learned that its her being her that's made me a better woman. although its simple, i now paint my nails regularly, i find myself wearing more dresses, and make-up's becoming more and more fun. through it all, in a funny way i've found the sister i never had, and a friend i've always needed.
so here's to lily on her 4th bday. thank you for continuing to refine, challenge and bring me divine joy. i love you goose.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
he's a winner.... for a lifetime!
for those of you who don't know, b has really gotten into running.
back in the day when i use to grace the streets with my footsteps, he was always an onlooker. when we did the race around lake tahoe, he contributed by being driving support. he didn't often express his disdain for the sport, but made it clear he'd stick to surfing and mountain biking.
however, i think deep down, like most of us, he realized that running really is kind of the ultimate in bad ass ness. if you can run long and fast, you kind of can handle most sports. its the hardest on your body, and always gives you the most bang for your buck.
i can't quite remember how it all came together, but prolly about a year ago he dusted off his old nikes and hit the pavement. within weeks i think he realized his potential. since i'd been running casually (as in, just enough to eat what i want), we decided to do the oktoberfest run in osos. its only 4 miles, and not to toot my own horn (but i will), i kinda one the women's stroller division back when lils was like 6 months old. needless to say, i'm thinkin- no problem. i can at least keep up with b- especially since he'd be pushing oz in the stroller (lils was waiting at the finish with nanna). the whistle blows and immediately i realize b's pace is one i'm not gonna be able to match. before we even hit mile 1, he's out of my sight. humbling to say the least. i mean we'd run before and he didn't seem that fast. it goes without saying he beat me handedly.
that race was just the begining. he started reading more about running, and entered a couple a trail races (one of which i struggled through with him). he's currently running 6 days a week (mostly on his lunch), and will often be gone sunday afternoon for at least a couple hours running out in MDO. through this new hobby has come some new gear- but unlike his other main squeezes (surfing and mountain biking) its much cheaper. after getting new running, then trail running shoes, he'd been eyeing heart rate monitors for awhile, but we never could quite scrape it together to get one for him... so he took matters into his own hands and entered a contest for a new polar HRM.
without further ado... here is the winning entry...
For starters let me say that this is the only article of female 'gear' that I have ever worn...except for that one time but that is another story.
I am sure there are some who might say to themselves, "what is this joker talking about? Polar's heartrate monitors are unisex." Go ahead, google Polar F4 and see what comes up...tell me you don't see the word female in at least five of the first ten search results?! Of course if you go to PolarUSA.com and check out the F4 they have a certain color...BLACK THUNDER that effectively crushes the female aesthetic of this slimline monitor...but go ahead and look closely at the other monitors...see BLACK AMBER? What kind of message does that dainty little thing send when strapped to nordic wrist of a guy who mother nature chose to bless with a sweater vest?...(dig it, that is back hair and chest hair for those not so versed in the common of lingo body hair). Anyways, I got this bad boy (or girl) in 2005, and for all I know BLACK THUNDER was not an option...at the time it was a gift for my wife who was with our first child. Apparently it is not good practice to elevate your heartrate much above what a good book might produce when you are pregnant...and of course, being the good husband I am I thought it important to abide by the word of the Dr. and ensure that in her various pregnant exploits she maintain the required level of relaxation. And like any good husband I supported her nonactivity by being there with her...nonactive and happy...most of the time...and while she put on 35-ish lbs, I chose to stick with a scant 20lbs for my weight gain...of course I was without child so who the hell knows what I was thinking...oh, and one more thing; it's kinda hard to look like a Nordic Warlord when your sweatervest is stretchin' round the midregion.
Fast forward 12 months and another kid...I snaked my wife's F4 and it is still as girly as ever and I am starting to get a complex about it. I have started running and my mileage is increasing....that scant 20lbs is now down to 5lbs and I am striving for better mile times and images of David Hasselhof running down the beach, feral sweater vest glinting in the sun give me that motivation to run a little further and a little faster...
Fast forward to present...don't yet have another kid but there is one in the oven, 7 weeks! My viking genes cannot be contained and my kids both rock white blond hair...sweet...let's all hope together that neither of them get the sweater vest. Anyways, my mileage is up to 50/60 week...I have gotten into trail running, and trail racing...in fact at my last event (PC Trailruns 15k at Montana de Oro State Park in CA) I won my age group! That was pretty sweet cuz they're my home trails. My F4 is still my biggest weakness and now the battery is starting to go but it has seen me over hundreds of miles, both on and off road and in spite of it's less than nordic appearance it has been an invaluable training tool. Long ago I learned the meaning of 'recovery' runs and have reaped the benefit of those slow cruising runs at half throttle, my F4 is my tachometer and without it I almost always over-do it.
So, I've lived this long in my ladies F4...but now like an old girlfriend it is time to move on. But, between diaper money, last pair of trail shoes, and my wife's frickin VW van there ain't a dime to spare...so, I'm not above begging...but before I do that let me offer the opportunity for some first rate advertising...imagine it...POLARUSA.COM emblazoned in Times New Roman font size 30 across the back of my nordic sweater vest....sweet...pure sweetness.
here's what he won... and i must say, he brought it... that's one well-written piece.
back in the day when i use to grace the streets with my footsteps, he was always an onlooker. when we did the race around lake tahoe, he contributed by being driving support. he didn't often express his disdain for the sport, but made it clear he'd stick to surfing and mountain biking.
however, i think deep down, like most of us, he realized that running really is kind of the ultimate in bad ass ness. if you can run long and fast, you kind of can handle most sports. its the hardest on your body, and always gives you the most bang for your buck.
i can't quite remember how it all came together, but prolly about a year ago he dusted off his old nikes and hit the pavement. within weeks i think he realized his potential. since i'd been running casually (as in, just enough to eat what i want), we decided to do the oktoberfest run in osos. its only 4 miles, and not to toot my own horn (but i will), i kinda one the women's stroller division back when lils was like 6 months old. needless to say, i'm thinkin- no problem. i can at least keep up with b- especially since he'd be pushing oz in the stroller (lils was waiting at the finish with nanna). the whistle blows and immediately i realize b's pace is one i'm not gonna be able to match. before we even hit mile 1, he's out of my sight. humbling to say the least. i mean we'd run before and he didn't seem that fast. it goes without saying he beat me handedly.
that race was just the begining. he started reading more about running, and entered a couple a trail races (one of which i struggled through with him). he's currently running 6 days a week (mostly on his lunch), and will often be gone sunday afternoon for at least a couple hours running out in MDO. through this new hobby has come some new gear- but unlike his other main squeezes (surfing and mountain biking) its much cheaper. after getting new running, then trail running shoes, he'd been eyeing heart rate monitors for awhile, but we never could quite scrape it together to get one for him... so he took matters into his own hands and entered a contest for a new polar HRM.
without further ado... here is the winning entry...
For starters let me say that this is the only article of female 'gear' that I have ever worn...except for that one time but that is another story.
I am sure there are some who might say to themselves, "what is this joker talking about? Polar's heartrate monitors are unisex." Go ahead, google Polar F4 and see what comes up...tell me you don't see the word female in at least five of the first ten search results?! Of course if you go to PolarUSA.com and check out the F4 they have a certain color...BLACK THUNDER that effectively crushes the female aesthetic of this slimline monitor...but go ahead and look closely at the other monitors...see BLACK AMBER? What kind of message does that dainty little thing send when strapped to nordic wrist of a guy who mother nature chose to bless with a sweater vest?...(dig it, that is back hair and chest hair for those not so versed in the common of lingo body hair). Anyways, I got this bad boy (or girl) in 2005, and for all I know BLACK THUNDER was not an option...at the time it was a gift for my wife who was with our first child. Apparently it is not good practice to elevate your heartrate much above what a good book might produce when you are pregnant...and of course, being the good husband I am I thought it important to abide by the word of the Dr. and ensure that in her various pregnant exploits she maintain the required level of relaxation. And like any good husband I supported her nonactivity by being there with her...nonactive and happy...most of the time...and while she put on 35-ish lbs, I chose to stick with a scant 20lbs for my weight gain...of course I was without child so who the hell knows what I was thinking...oh, and one more thing; it's kinda hard to look like a Nordic Warlord when your sweatervest is stretchin' round the midregion.
Fast forward 12 months and another kid...I snaked my wife's F4 and it is still as girly as ever and I am starting to get a complex about it. I have started running and my mileage is increasing....that scant 20lbs is now down to 5lbs and I am striving for better mile times and images of David Hasselhof running down the beach, feral sweater vest glinting in the sun give me that motivation to run a little further and a little faster...
Fast forward to present...don't yet have another kid but there is one in the oven, 7 weeks! My viking genes cannot be contained and my kids both rock white blond hair...sweet...let's all hope together that neither of them get the sweater vest. Anyways, my mileage is up to 50/60 week...I have gotten into trail running, and trail racing...in fact at my last event (PC Trailruns 15k at Montana de Oro State Park in CA) I won my age group! That was pretty sweet cuz they're my home trails. My F4 is still my biggest weakness and now the battery is starting to go but it has seen me over hundreds of miles, both on and off road and in spite of it's less than nordic appearance it has been an invaluable training tool. Long ago I learned the meaning of 'recovery' runs and have reaped the benefit of those slow cruising runs at half throttle, my F4 is my tachometer and without it I almost always over-do it.
So, I've lived this long in my ladies F4...but now like an old girlfriend it is time to move on. But, between diaper money, last pair of trail shoes, and my wife's frickin VW van there ain't a dime to spare...so, I'm not above begging...but before I do that let me offer the opportunity for some first rate advertising...imagine it...POLARUSA.COM emblazoned in Times New Roman font size 30 across the back of my nordic sweater vest....sweet...pure sweetness.
here's what he won... and i must say, he brought it... that's one well-written piece.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
would you rather...
would you rather...
have madonna
or
angelina jolie
as your adopted mom?
i'm so committed to this blog that yesterday after i decided to post this, i had a dream i was hanging out with good ol jenn aniston. we got to talking (like always) about my blog. i was telling her how i started this new series. she was all ears, cuz she always loves my ideas. anyway, i told her how though my first 2 posts were original, my latest one was stolen from one of my favorite radio stations. she was all ears by now, so i launched it on her... however as soon as it left my mouth, i realized what i had said. how could i, such a close friend, be so insensitive? all i can say was the look on jenn's face was so searing, that i quickly recovered by saying, "jenn, i'm so sorry, i can't even believe i just said that! you know i wouldn't touch angie with a ten foot pole, i'm madonna all the way!" we had a good laugh after that, as we hit up round 2 of our appletini's.
so now that you know where i stand... i'm anxious to hear what you guys got... and please, guys, don't base your answer on whether or not there will be breastfeeding.
have madonna
or
angelina jolie
as your adopted mom?
i'm so committed to this blog that yesterday after i decided to post this, i had a dream i was hanging out with good ol jenn aniston. we got to talking (like always) about my blog. i was telling her how i started this new series. she was all ears, cuz she always loves my ideas. anyway, i told her how though my first 2 posts were original, my latest one was stolen from one of my favorite radio stations. she was all ears by now, so i launched it on her... however as soon as it left my mouth, i realized what i had said. how could i, such a close friend, be so insensitive? all i can say was the look on jenn's face was so searing, that i quickly recovered by saying, "jenn, i'm so sorry, i can't even believe i just said that! you know i wouldn't touch angie with a ten foot pole, i'm madonna all the way!" we had a good laugh after that, as we hit up round 2 of our appletini's.
so now that you know where i stand... i'm anxious to hear what you guys got... and please, guys, don't base your answer on whether or not there will be breastfeeding.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
lily saves the day!!!
when i got to chumash park in AG on thursday, i was lucky to get a parking spot. the whole lot was full, and the park was teeming with preschool spring breakers. after 2 fun filled hours with my good friend Shelley and her boys, we were ready to hit the road. since ol EV truly has forsaken me, and likely will be in the shop for the next "two weeks", i've been destined to drive a mid size semi-luxury sedan. going from my spacious EV to this seemingly miniature car has been an adjustment, but i'm thankful nonetheless to my gracious in-laws for leaving us with their beloved nissan maxima. however, my pride is tested daily, as i pull into CCG, or UMCC and i see stares of pity... "poor lily and oz, their mom doesn't have a lexus or volvo SUV, this economy must be really doin some damage for the rodgers family." not that my eurovan is in any league with those luxury SUV's and minivans, but at least i got the uniqueness factor- i think i almost leave them speechless... anyhow i digress.
as we gathered up our stuff to leave and loaded into our little baby car, oz immediately began obsessing on shelley's car, and was desperately wanting to watch her 'big tires' leave. he wouldn't let me buckle him in till she pulled away, and since he was tired and hungry, i thought i'd let him win this one. here's the scene- i'm sitting in the passenger seat, oz is climbing in and out of his carseat behind me to get a good view of shelley's suburban, lily is next to him all buckled in. oz keeps opening and closing the door, so i decide to lock the doors so he'll chill out. finally shelley pulls out and i hop out of the passenger seat to buckle oz in behind me. however, as soon as i hop up, the door closes behind me, and i'm stuck on the other side of the window looking at my kids all locked in.
i actually don't panic immediately.
i look around and there is literally no one in sight. my phone and the keys are locked in the car. although the wind is cold outside, its pretty warm in the car. there are no houses or business close enough that i could walk to without the car and my kids being out of sight. i realize my only hope is in lily to get us out of this.
now if your toddler is anything like mine, she'll ask me where one of her doll's is and if i tell her its over in the corner, she'll wander the whole house before she finds it. the kid doesn't understand directions so well. add this on top of the fact that she's never locked or unlocked these doors, this car is entirely unfamiliar to her. in addition, she's buckled in her 5 point harness, and only a handful of times have i seen her unbuckle herself. with all the windows rolled up i begin to yell instructions to her. she seems pretty uninterested in helping, obviously not realizing the severity of the situation, i don't want to worry her, but she def is needing some motivation. she tries to reach the handle but is restrained by the carseat. i walk her through unbuckling the latch to free her arms, she methodically does it. she then reaches over to the handle and tries to open it. no luck. i try and explain that she needs to jiggle the lock, to just try to move it back and forth. she finally gets it, and lo and behold, the door releases.
its a miracle!
i open the door and say, "lily, you did it! you saved the day!" she's beaming with pride. i'm overcome with thankfulness and relief. needless to say, she was rewarded with endless praise, and of course ice cream.
as we gathered up our stuff to leave and loaded into our little baby car, oz immediately began obsessing on shelley's car, and was desperately wanting to watch her 'big tires' leave. he wouldn't let me buckle him in till she pulled away, and since he was tired and hungry, i thought i'd let him win this one. here's the scene- i'm sitting in the passenger seat, oz is climbing in and out of his carseat behind me to get a good view of shelley's suburban, lily is next to him all buckled in. oz keeps opening and closing the door, so i decide to lock the doors so he'll chill out. finally shelley pulls out and i hop out of the passenger seat to buckle oz in behind me. however, as soon as i hop up, the door closes behind me, and i'm stuck on the other side of the window looking at my kids all locked in.
i actually don't panic immediately.
i look around and there is literally no one in sight. my phone and the keys are locked in the car. although the wind is cold outside, its pretty warm in the car. there are no houses or business close enough that i could walk to without the car and my kids being out of sight. i realize my only hope is in lily to get us out of this.
now if your toddler is anything like mine, she'll ask me where one of her doll's is and if i tell her its over in the corner, she'll wander the whole house before she finds it. the kid doesn't understand directions so well. add this on top of the fact that she's never locked or unlocked these doors, this car is entirely unfamiliar to her. in addition, she's buckled in her 5 point harness, and only a handful of times have i seen her unbuckle herself. with all the windows rolled up i begin to yell instructions to her. she seems pretty uninterested in helping, obviously not realizing the severity of the situation, i don't want to worry her, but she def is needing some motivation. she tries to reach the handle but is restrained by the carseat. i walk her through unbuckling the latch to free her arms, she methodically does it. she then reaches over to the handle and tries to open it. no luck. i try and explain that she needs to jiggle the lock, to just try to move it back and forth. she finally gets it, and lo and behold, the door releases.
its a miracle!
i open the door and say, "lily, you did it! you saved the day!" she's beaming with pride. i'm overcome with thankfulness and relief. needless to say, she was rewarded with endless praise, and of course ice cream.
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