i just called to say i love you....

i'm really not even sure where to begin.

when i went to type in holdmama,  my computer could barely remember the website-- either that or att was being ridiculously slow as always-- but whatever the case, its been that long.

so you are probably wondering, and hoping for something uh-mazing right now. well keep on hopin, obama style.  i got all kinds of riff raff floating around this head of mine, yet its been so long i don't even know where to begin.

i think i'll start with some excuses as to why my last post was on nov 16.  for starters it was the holidays.  and besides being super pumped for jesus birthday, i like to take a good solid month to attend as many holiday parties as possible and eat and drink as much crap as i like.  its kinda how i celebrate.  but in all honesty, i really really love that time of year and this year i apparently couldn't be bothered to actually take the time to write something.
what else... oh well the whole 3 kids thing.  yeah, that's actually proving to be much more difficult than ever.  the realization that i don't have 3 babies anymore is really starting to hit me.  there are like 3 little obnoxious bodies constantly chirping away in my ear and fighting to climb all over me, and mostly just busy making doing anything but wiping butts, noses, and being a short order cook impossible.  did i mention they are as adorable as heaven itself and i wouldn't trade them for a million billion pesos?!  regardless, they are becoming increasing real with their endless wants and needs.  i've even been thinking real adult responsible thoughts like, 'how are we going to send 3, 4 kids to college?'  'how much did you say braces would be?' and 'lord have mercy on me i will one day have 2 teenage daughters.'  real stressful stuff people.

which leads me to my next update.  this is a favorite of mine and all of yours too as i have been questioned a lot about it lately.  so with that said, 'what exactly is going on with your adoption?'
well, not much.  however, not much in a good way.  we will have been waiting 1 year come march 23rd.  last time i spoke with our agency (at 6 months waiting) they informed me that things are still moving along - as in the country is still open-- but there have been so many new laws and changes being enforced-- all good stuff for the kids themselves, but means it takes longer for us.  however its totally worth it, because it ensures the safety of the kids, which is of utmost importance in my book.  at this point we are praying and hoping for a referral  (ie a picture/file on a child matching our criteria which is *healthy* boy under the age of 2) come summer.  at that point we will decide- who am i kidding-- there is nothing to decide, we will leap for joy and begin to prepare to be a family of 6.  it will then be anywhere from 4-8 months before we actually bring him home (we have to travel to ethiopia twice).  i plan to call our agency sometime in march to double check this timeline, cuz if there is one thing i've learned in this process, its that every situation is different.  there is no 'typical' experience.  in the meantime, the kids will continue to talk about and pray for him and count the minutes til he graces our lives.  thankfully for me and b the 3 we have now leave us little time to ache for him.  its more of a budding excitement at this point.  i reckon once we have his picture, we will be absolutely ruined until he's actually in our arms.

so you love christmas, you are busy with your 3 kids, you don't have a fourth yet, and.... it sounds like you are a bit lazy?  nailed it.  i have been a reading machine lately.  every spare minute i have which totals like 13 in one day, my head is buried in my kindle.  i have read some amazing books these last few months.  literature will never cease to amaze and completely humble me.  why are there so many amazing writers out there?  it truly never gets old. to help you get on track, here is a few must reads:

peace like a river  by leif enger
the history of love by nicole krauss
rules of civility by amor towles
lit by mary karr
extremely loud and incredibly close by jonathan safran foer
the tiger's wife by tea obreht
state of wonder by ann patchett

just to name a few.  there have been many more, but those are my top picks as of late.

when i'm not reading, or scheming ways to get away from my kids, i have been so incredibly fortunate to be spending lots of time with my dear friends.  one of which i recently wrote a blog about.  many of you know her personally, but many others i know don't know her and have been praying for her.  so i wanted to take a minute to update you on her so you can keep on praying!!!  coco is doing amazing for all intensive purposes.  she humbles me daily with her faith and love for jesus.  she literally cannot get enough of him.  i have learned more from her 14 month walk with god then i have in years.  she spurs me on in the way that iron sharpens iron.  she makes me want to pray harder, hope fuller and love deeper.  she shines so bright considering her circumstances... which are still not what we want.  praise be to god that since the gamma knife radiation she got in seattle last summer, she has not had any new activity in her brain.  this is maj huge as she would say.  its a huge answer to sooooo many prayers and we give god all the glory for healing her.  however that stupid cancer has crept into her lungs and is being extremely stubborn.  she is currently undergoing chemotherapy once every 3 weeks with more grace than you could imagine.  she has lost almost all of her hair and suffers intermittently from many other side effects of the chemo.   but as i mentioned you would never know it when you see her big blue eyes smiling at almost everything around her, or the way she just radiates her love for her perfect baby girl.  when i find myself mad at god and wondering about the injustice of it all, i'm brought back down when i see the way that god shines through her.  she's a fighter and she's got the god of the universe in her corner, and really what more can you ask for.  she is teaching us all what it means to love and cherish your life in a way i've never known and for that i'm eternally indebted.

well, that's about all i've got for now.  i promise i'm going to try and be better at this.  i really want to tell you all about my valentines day cuz it was another relevatory evening of just how old i am.

oh and one more thing, if you could leave a comment on the blog itself instead of facebook it would mean so much to me... not every time - i know that's a lot to ask, but even just this once -- i need my ego stroked if i'm gonna keep this up.