if i could turn back time

its funny how all of your kids are born your 'baby' and somehow each one of them retain that name regardless of their age or birth order.  all 3 of my kids are my baby... yet if i get right down to it, i actually do have a real baby.  many of you know her as the cutest baby in the world, and it pains me to say that that baby is turning 2.

she's actually trying to not be a baby anymore.

and that is probably the saddest thing in the whole world.

every morning when she comes into our bed i get anywhere from 30 seconds to up to 7.5 minutes next to her.  its a time where i'm transported back to those first few weeks with her.  a time where i literally could not get enough of the smell of her hair, the touch of her skin against mine and her big blues staring back at me.  a time where she was small enough that it wasn't to far fetched to lay her on my tummy and pretend she was back inside me.  there's nothing in this world that makes you feel as alive as having life within you.

some mornings she babbles non stop, other mornings she doesn't say a word.  in both instances i pray a quick prayer that if god could just put her back in my tummy or freeze time just this one day that i would never ask for anything else again.

i remember when i was so scared to have a second child.  i was so scared that i wouldn't be able to love him as much as my first.  i couldn't comprehend that god would double my love, not cut it in half.  surely bringing a third into the mix would really compromise the love, but instead i think he didn't just multiply it by 3, i think it got multiplied by 33.  my mind can barely grasp what will happen when number 4 fly's in.

so how can i sum up this final baby girl of ours?  i'll start by saying, her face will bring a smile to the hardest heart.  currently she is standing on top of a 6 ft ladder.  in so many ways, she's everything lily and ozzy are not.  she's outgoing, wants to be held by everyone, loves attention and praise and is actually really loud.  she can't sit still for more than 11 seconds, and literally has never even watched more than 8 minutes of television or a movie at one time.  i can't believe i ever even questioned having a third child.  she loves mornings alone with ozzy full of trampolines and slides, and adores afternoons full of babies and tea parties with lily.  she's the closest i've ever had to perfection.  i miss her when she naps, and giddily anticipate her arrival into our bed every morning.

i literally cannot get enough of her.

so if a picture is worth a thousand words.... here's 3 trillion for ya.

happy birthday baby girl.  you will always be my first and last.