blah blah blah... you're still talking about yourself?

details.

i've never been good with details.

undoubtedly i've inherited this from my mom. its scary, cuz she's even worse than me. if you got a haircut, or lost some weight, or bought some new jeans, don't come lookin to me for some acknowledgement, cuz i ain't gonna notice.

i like to think i'm not phased by people's changes in vanity, but the reality is its likely cuz i'm just a bit on the selfish side. its like when you go to prom and you are sooooo worried about the zit on your chin, yet when you get there it doesn't matter cuz everyone else is sooo focused on themselves--that's kind of like me everyday of my life. some may call it being self-absorbed, others may call it apathy. but whatever the case, i really suck at seeing the small things. it doesn't just start and stop with appearance though. even in my own day to day existence, i never remember to wear earrings or bracelet's, or think to add a scarf or even a a bra to an outfit. you may think,'is this really that big of a deal?' i don't know, but through all this i know one thing is for sure... i could never be an fbi profiler.

on the other hand it seems as if i have bred two small children that may have a future as spies. oz and lil can get straight jason bourne on my ass.

it really trips me out.

i've always known oz is my little brandon. from an early obsession preoccupation with ceiling fans, to his current loves-- cars, elevators and escalators. i've known oz has got engineer written all over him. lils on the other hand uses her freakish skills to notice every item of clothing and jewelry i own-- she calls it 'fashion.' the other night i put on a tank top i apparently hadn't worn in awhile, and when lily saw me she promptly replied, "mom, you haven't worn that since jess's baby shower."

that was over a year ago people.

if i wear a new necklace, or put on perfume, lily is the first one to notice. or if you're feeling especially unlucky, lily will straight denounce your outfit as "not fashion." and the crazy thing is, she's usually right. but it doesn't stop with lils, oz on the other hand continues to blow my mind with his uncanny car associations. he will see a honda odyssey and announce, "looks like lealah's car." or a honda crv, "looks like mimi's car." or a honda civic, "looks like daddo's car." or a volvo suv, "looks like erin's car." you get the picture. color is irrelevant, he sees the car and knows. its super weird. the other day he even saw a chevy truck and said, "looks like shelley's car, but its not." (she drives a chevy suburban). however, i will say this whole car and wheel obsession did finally work in my favor as i potty trained him. cuz apparently peeing on car wheels is waaaay better than peeing in the toilet.


i guess it shouldn't surprise that me that not only do my kids not act like me, but they seem to have missed out on most of my physical traits as well. i often look at pictures such as this one and think, 'who's the freak with the brown hair anyway?'

its weird to barely fit into to your family.









which leads me to my last hope. come any minute now, if tali doesn't come out with brown hair, freckles and inherent love for soccer, i may just have to adopt a fourth. apparently i married a man with freakishly strong genes... blond hair and sporatic bouts of OCD abound.
although i joke about my frustration of having such a girly daughter, and engineerish son, really in my heart, i am so proud. and really, i'm not gonna hold my breath for tali... something tells me that though she may come out with a mess of black hair-- ultimately she'll follow the rest and pierce our eyes with platinum locks and introverted ways. in any event, i know i'll be proud...

so what about y'all? what trips you out about your kids?

a new namesake?

after a late night celebrating lealah's bday, i was so looking forward to sleeping in this morning. somehow we've fallen into this pattern of me sleeping in both weekend days while b hangs with the kids. now before everyone gets all riled up, we do switch, and inevitably b goes surfing, or running or just away. its kind of our deal... as previously mentioned, sleep is not sacred to him.

so this morning was slated to be no different, except my mom had spent the night knowing we'd be home late from the party. when the kids came in our bed at 7 am, i caught wind of the idea that my mom was going to take them to the preschool church and we would basically be kid less till 12 or so. i sent b down to manage their hair, clothes and bowel movements... but found myself unable to relax. who knew i was such a control freak? i wanted to sleep, but had to know... was lily's hair a rats nest, did oz reek of urine from the night before, did anyone poop yet? i finally gave in to my tossing and turning and came downstairs all to find hair in tact, slight wafts of pee, and to my chagrin -- no poop. i'd say b was 90% successful.

then they were gone.

all of them.

mom with kids, and b off surfing.

its 8:30 am on sunday morning and i'm alone. its ironic how we plead and beg for this kinda time, but then when we get it, suddenly we don't want it. perhaps i'm just feeling a little over emotional cuz baby #3 is imminent--as in i've pooped 4 times in the last 12 hours-- 7 of them spent sleeping. it seems crazy that i would be so preoccupied with the kids leaving this morning without my care, when really with this new baby i won't have the time to obsess on these little things.



which leads me to my next point... why its never good to leave a 39wks pregnant mother of 2 alone for to long. too much time to think is typically not recommended for someone in my condition. as evidenced in some of my recent posts, my little mind gets a runnin, and there ain't no one around to distract me. now that i'm mostly over my swine flu fears, i've moved on to more practical fears-- like how the hell am i gonna survive with 3 kids under 4.5? and then i remember the two sweetest words... my mom.

but the real question of the morning is for all of you. we knew even before we knew we were having a girl that we would name her lily pearl. it was a done deal. we were both in total agreement and absolutely loved the name. it never occurred to me she would be anyone else. fast forward 4 years and i still lay claim--- she is all lily. yet its taken me awhile to get to this point. as i've mentioned before, when lily came out, she was not what i expected. i was imagining a peaceful little blond hair, blue eyed baby girl. what i got was a grip of black hair, an unusually low hairline, and a raging screamer. it wasn't but hours after she was born when i began to feel like her name should be lucy. for probably a good year and half she felt like a lucy to me. but as time went on, she grew to be lily, and only lily.

soooo... its possible that over drinks i was not drinking last night, we decided to change tali's name. suddenly it became so clear she should be someone else. even b was on board, which is kind of crazy, cuz we had talked about this name before without much success. yet today as i researched her on the ol world wide web, i started thinking this really might be our daughters perfect namesake... heck she even looks like she could be related to us b, lily and oz.

so without further ado... i give you tali's competition. any guesses, thoughts?

bitterness runneth over

my husband rarely sits still. he is the opposite of idle. if he's not working on our neva-ending house, surfing, running, checking the surf, mountain biking, or mowing the lawn-- you still won't find him loafing on the couch. i've seen him nap maybe eight times in 10 years. to put it lightly, the dude is always doing something.

for someone like me who's hobbies consist of sitting on the couch, reading, bronzing and 49er football, i sure can seem like a real loser. yet i digress... this post isn't about me, i think.

back to b. so, even though he has a truckload of hobbies to engage in, he's always looking for the next big thing. a couple weekends ago he and 3 of his buddies loaded up their shiz and headed to the american river to try their hand at river rafting. now, i'm not one to brag, but on our honeymoon in NZ, b and i not only went bungee jumping and black water rafting, but we also river rafted the highest (14 ft) commercially rafted waterfall. i know, i'm kind of a bad ass... so how fun could a water rafting trip with his buddies really be?

when b and his buddies decided they'd do this, they took all the necessary steps- as in got permission from their wives.


now did i mention i'm 9 months pregnant, and i've got 2 kids? did you know that picking up hot wheels and doll clothes-- let alone putting on my shoes is a real struggle? *did you know that this "little weekend away" translates into 3 bedtimes alone, 8 meals alone, and worst of all 3-4 hours of getting our daughter to poop.* now i'm not trying to act like a martyr here, but really i just want you to understand where i'm coming from.


needless to say, surviving each week in my 'condition' is no easy feat. so to have b leave for the whole weekend (as in get home at 11pm sunday night) all to just start it all again solo monday morning was more than a sacrifice. not to mention hours of having to feel a bit crazy all weekend wondering if he was even still alive...

so to have him come home all fired up about river rafting was a bit much. i shouldn't have been surprised at his new found enthusiasm. afterall- nothing like a new hobbie right?


but...looking up videos on youtube of all the different "big" rapids he went down (cuz to be honest the footage they captured looked like the hot tub at kennedy with the jets on), and telling me how much beer they got to drink was a little more than i could muster up enthusiasm for.

did i mention i haven't had a drink in 9 months?

...staying up to the wee hours of night researching river rafting equipment, and places to go in the 'off-season'....

really?

i know i sound like a a whining, bitter wife dripping faucet. and most of you are thinking, 'get over it you selfish biaatch'. and maybe you're right. i should be a little happy for him. he had fun-- he's got a stressful life - having to sit at a desk all day making important decisions about temperature...


and really, if i'm completely honest, after seeing their little video about the weekend, i may or may not have cracked a wee smile and felt just a twinge of happiness for him... which is good. i'm glad they had their adventure, their pictures, their beer and their fun. cuz really...


he's. never. leaving. again.

*i was not completely alone... my mom - like always- came through for a significant amount of the trip... but i was alone for the worst part... the poop.*