friday night musings...

there are times when it feels like so much work.

most days really.

i was reminded of how not much work it is on recent trip to disneyland.  it was reminiscent of a long weekend we had in san diego before tali was born.  its that point when your older kid(s) -- i'd say 3.5 and older-  when they can use the bathroom by them self, or when they can feed them self without covering their hair in yogurt and peanut butter or when they can play and entertain them self for longer than 10 mins.  or better yet when they are totally capable of watching tv for 4 hours straight (not that this ever happens at my house).
its when you finally, finally get a break. you know they aren't gonna wake up in the night, and you actually kind of know what to expect each day.  it's a great time in child rearing.
then you have another one and you're like, i can do this, i've done it before right?!  but its that second or third or fourth that's the game changer.

tali is my game changer.

and though most days i long for the hours of solitude my 4 and 5.5 yr old would bring, there are more times when i'm reminded why i couldn't live without her.  like when i see her running cars with oz, or when i see her crazy hair pop out of the crib each morning-- it's moments like that i know that every lost minute to myself is worth it.  she's worth it.
when dr. bravo asked me last week at her well baby check up if i had any questions or concerns, i looked at tali with dopey eyes and asked, 'yeah, actually i do.  is there anyway i could clone her?'  he laughed politely, but the reality is there has never been a second when i've regretted her.  through all the work and lost reading, tv, blogging, and napping, she's been worth it.
cuz even when the days seem so long, there are nights that seem so right.  when i see lily pushing tali in the doll stroller, or when tali and oz wrestle all crazy, or when i see all three of my kids dance and sing their hearts out to jb's baby, or when my son out of nowhere as i put his jammies on says, 'jesus, please help my boo boo not hurt when i get in the bath'- its those times when i feel like i could be like my aunt merilyn and have 13 kids.
it's nights like tonight that i can, and can't wait for my baby boy. i can wait to capitalize on those free moments of reading and resting and just being, but even more i can't wait to breathe in the sweet smell of morning on him, or see his smile as he gets pushed in a swing for the first time.

kids change you forever, for good.  as my dad told me yesterday, the 30's are the best.  your at the top of your game.  you've got your career (brandon), you've got young kids who adore you, and you've got a super hot wife (okay, so maybe i improv for brandon) but in any event, tonight my heart is filled with joy and excitement.  in the words of a dear friend,... the best is yet to come.