fluly

its flu-ly around here. not to be mistaken with july. us rodgeees have been hit hard this last month. our first battle with the stomach flu in early july has been followed by your basic influenza A or B or some shiz. it basically looks like high fever, comatose, cranky, whiny, coughy, needy kids. NOT FUN. for the last week i've been on the brink of, and have actually succeeded in losing it.
which leads me to my next rant.
healthy kids.
we are blessed. there are no other words. when i say we, i don't just mean my family, i mean 99% of families i know. within my social circle, very few children have any sort of chronic illness or disability. with my kids having this temporal, but seemingly eternal flu, my mind has been bombarded with some crazy ass thoughts. most very dramatic, and many tragic- ending in death. i've almost become convinced some sort of severe hardship is looming. call it the enemy, i'd really like to, but whatever the case its got me thinking...
this last week of 1921 flu house has got me wondering if my kids will ever be back to normal. will the endless cycle of wiggles, george, and cinderella ever end? will i be destined to sit on the couch with my daughter cranking on my belly button (its sort of her safe place) for months on end? will i possibly survive the needyness these kids seem to have buckets of? things can seem so dark so fast. when life feels so overwhelming with a high fever, it makes me nervous to think how i could handle leukemia or worse.
so then i find myself blog stalking this afternoon. i really dig this chicks blog. and from her blog i found myself here. and then for some cosmic reason i clicked on this one. while i really enjoyed her july 22nd entry on boobs, i had to take it one step further and read her bio or whatever. you know, for some semblance that i could possibly write as well as her or any of the aforementioned someday. anyway, while checkin her stats, i find that she has two beautiful kids (fric and frac- how funny is that) and had lost one other a couple years back. as i read through the pages, tears streaming down my face, i was astounded once again by mankind's strength. this redneck woman doesn't appear to be a woman of faith- at least the faith we proclaim, but the resolve, strength, and raw emotion in her words jolt me. i know i've shared my very minor struggles (but seemed liked mountains at the time) with ozzy. nothing in me desires to go through that again. in fact i often wonder if i do get pregnant again, if the shear anxiety won't completely overtake me. yet i see this woman, and others, that have gone through the loss of a child and still can come up for air. the fact that they are even breathing is astounding, but to think they'd sign up for a potentially similar outcome staggers me. this woman is in the process of a adopting a special needs child. this, after she lost her 5 year old- that's five years of life and love, all to love another kid who might not have the chance to be loved.

i'm not totally sure what my angle is here. maybe i'm just coming off a hard week, but whatever the case, i really just hope and pray that when, or if God presents me with such hardship, the resolve and grace to walk through it would come in abundance.
so thank God today, would ya. we got it good people.

you know you live in los osos when...

so i decide to go on a hike this morning with ozzy. with lily off at preschool on tuesday mornings i'm offered luxuries like watching the today show, exercising, and having only one kid. so like the compassionate pet owner i am, i decide to take our dog on this new hike in the park brandon told me about. part of my motivation in bringing the dog is that last time i tried the hike, i encountered two coyotes in the middle of the trail. after a frantic call to brandon where he assured me coyotes are not to be feared, i promptly turned around and headed back down the trail. anyhow, i digress. so with oz in the backpack, my hillary is my homegirl shirt, and lou leading the way, we make our way up the steep incline. no coyotes this time, just lots of scat. at the top, i'm amazed as i get a full view of los osos, the spit, the bay and all the way to the rock. its truly breathtaking and i'm reminded how blessed we are to call this place home. after my moment, i charge down avoiding any scrap of sand in my rockin new hiking shoes (not boots). as i turn the corner to reach my van, i lean down to take lou of her leash and as i look up i see a huge sign that says something like, "absolutely no dogs ever on trails." as i contemplate my sin, i hear a truck slowing as it pulls into the parking area. just my luck, its a ranger. so here i am red-handed. i am standing under an unmistakable sign with my dog. as i'm considering what words to throw out.. mountain lion, rabid coyote, skunk etc, i see him checking out none other than my EV.
thats right, you know you are in los osos when a ranger stops you with your dog, in a no dog area, to talk to you about your eurovan.

perfect.

five finger spray

i have been dying to call in sick for the last 3 years.

my ideal situation would be a real bad cold. maybe a little fever to make it legit. i would wake up feverish, roll over and groan. brandon would look over and say, "are you okay?" i would sigh, and say, "i feel really terrible." i would want him to say, "babe, i'm so sorry you feel horrible. i'll get the kids and take them downstairs, and call in sick today- you just keep sleeping. let me know if you need anything." however, it would probably sound more like, "so are you going to get up, or do i have to call in sick today?" in either event, the day would progress with me making my way downstairs to an empty house (b probably took the kids to the park methinks). i would post up on the couch, and begin the marathon. i would doze and sip hot tea, with a fire in the fireplace (cause it would be winter of course), read and watch movies. i'd probably start with "along came polly," or "devil wears prada." b would somehow manage to be gone all day with the kids, lest they catch my infirmity. the day would commence with me on the couch, asleep as my family comes bounding in with hot, homemade chicken and wild rice soup with fresh bread, and we would all live happily ever after.
in all honesty the above scenario has often sounded better than a vacation. perhaps b/c i can relish in my own selfishness sans kids, or maybe just the solitude, and option to be lazy as a motha... whatever the case.. it's undoubtedly dreamy...
i'll tell you whats not dreamy. waking up at 3 am with a churning, burning stomach. "oh, lord, please don't let this be happening." tossing and turning relentlessly for the next three hours.."come on, when is it going to be day time?" cause for some reason that's comforting? light finally breaks with a screeching son just as i drift off pain free. i turn to my husband, "honey, i've got it." the "it" i'm referring to is the stomach flu, that oz came down with saturday. poor buddy yarfed like 6 times in a 12 hour period. he came through like a champ, just as b woke up monday morning with "it." b was a trooper, he was home all day yet still managed to help loads with the kids. (i'm kind of lacking in the whole nurturing your husband area). i was pretty convinced lily and i would remain unscathed. come on, its the middle of the summer, we're leaving tonight to go houseboating for the 4th... really? really? this is my sick day? this sucks... it almost sucks as much as an esophageal eruption of trader joes brown rice all morning long. however its here, and my kids are gone, and despite my ongoing, rage filled, vurping stomach.. i'll take what i can get.
it's still kind of nice to have a sick day.

so i'm sitting in my office trying to get some work done (yeah, real work). if anyone's in the market for a 2.4 million dollar home... i'm your girl. yet, i digress. anyhow, my mom is over helping with the kids. suddenly lily comes bursting in in her disney princess nightgown pleading, "momma, can i play with cornstarch and water?" i look at her and say, "no babe, not right now. it's almost naptime." wounded, she walks back into her room and i hear her say to my mom, "my mom said no." mimi says, "how bout we do it after your nap?" lily says, "no, i want to do it now." my mom, "not right now lil, after your nap." lily looks up at her with all the authority in the world and says, "mimi, sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do.."
translation: get up off your arse and get me some cornstarch.
gotta love three.

longing for lupe

oh how i miss my house cleaner... now before your jaw drops any further, "she has a house cleaner, come on- and she likes hillary- who does she think she is?" you should know, i only had her for a season. she came in a dream. i was at a friends house and i overheard some talk of a lupe. i politely inquired who lupe was and found out she cleans for a living. now, i've been on the hunt for a good a house cleaner ever since i was born. my husband, and i guess myself, like a clean house- and with two bubs running around and our disgusting dog, i kind of felt i actually deserved one. we'd obviously come along way from our missionary days, but were we really house cleaner material?
once b got a real job, i decided my first splurge would be a bi-weekly eyebrow wax. this felt like such a big deal- basically throwing away $40 bucks a month so i didn't have to experience watery eyes and a stinging nose. as time went on, my indulgences broadened. b's movin up the ol corporate ladder, and me bringin home some serious bacon as broker mama allowed us to live, buy, and even vacation. things were good. so when i broached the ol maid idea to brandon six months back, he reluctantly agreed. cause really, if mama ain't happy- ain't nobody happy.
so with one quick phone call, lupe arrived in a flash of glory with her sister, maria. they whipped through this house in 2 hours- lifting up couch cushions and vacuuming in straight lines. a mere $90 bucks later, i was one happy lady- after a couple hours of extreme cleanliness, i even let the kids play again.
so here we were, happy as pigs in the mud. with lupe coming every month, i felt so much less pressure to keep the house "up"
yet, all good things must come to an end. that damn economy- whatever that means right?! well, let me translate. bad economy = no lupe. did i mention i'm a realtor, and very available for all your real estate needs? just think if you hire me, i will not only be able to assist you in making all your dreams come true, you will also be helping lupe get food on the table. its a chain people- the chain of love.
so that's my sob story, i know its real sad- poor holly she doesn't have a house cleaner any more, its probably more like, "who does that b#&ch think she is?"
in any event, i wanna know, whats bad economy mean to you?

planning for the future

yesterday, lily went to the dentist for the first time... and she rocked it!
later that night i was laying with her on the couch doing fancy nancy sticker book, and i asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. she looked at me and immediately said, "i want to be a dentist!" i was so proud... where would she ever get an idea like that? she then went back to her sticker book. 2 minutes later she looked up at me and said, "mom, i actually want to be a candy-giver when i grow up." cuz in case you didn't know, in a 3 yr olds mind, its actually halloween all year long.
it's a tough one, but any idea what career path we should encourage... dentist or candy giver.

age old dilemma..

well, come to think of it... two decade old dilemma might be a more fitting title. it wasn't long ago there wasn't a choice- once you got married, you were destined to be a housewife. the cool thing now is that we actually have a choice. but i guess i'm realizing its a blessing and a curse. before, you just naturally assumed the maternal role, now there is the possibility of "having it all." and of course when i think of having it all, i reference my idol... tina fey. she's got the kid, the job... i know, maybe a little un-realistic, but really, she's sort of living the dream. i look around, and lots of my friends have gone back to work part time. that seems to be a very good balance for them. i think of emily, or susan, or even my sister in law and how they are able to work and have their husbands stay with their kids. i must say that sounds pretty good. however, as much as i think i would like to go back to work, i also realize that having to have to be somewhere sounds very stressful. i love that if my kids are sick i can be with them, or any given weekend i'm available.
in any event, i was recently reminded the depths of motherhood i've fallen into. i was reading sarah forzetting's blog and listening to her challenges of life with an infant when i realized that i've almost forgotten those feelings. i suppose i've become so accustomed to "just" being a mom that i forgot how much i used to enjoy other stuff.
now, i'm not a girl of many hobbies... but i do like a good work out- either a run or a hike or a swim- even maybe a spin class or yoga or power class. i love a good book, a great bible study, anything that involves hanging out with my friends, shopping, eating, wine, heck i even miss work (i think)... i still have all these things yet it looks more like-
8 am- brandon gone, get on the phone with em (there's my social outlet)
9 am- gotta get out of the house- go on a walk (there's my exercise)
10 am- call jess to see if i can come over- she's got the bomb kids house (another social outlet)
11 am- make brandon watch the kids during his lunch so i can run errands (i guess that's my job part of the day)
1 pm- try to find a way to get my kids to eat lunch
2 pm- kids nap- i read my two year old ny times bestseller from the library (there's my reading)
3 pm- now that ellen's all re-runs, i'll probably blog (there's my intellectual outlet)
4 pm - kids awake, put a movie on for them.. talk to lealah, brooke, erin, drea or whoever answers.
5 pm- 25 minutes till b gets home- start dinner, and get my glass of wine (there's my wine and food time)

that's just a brief synopsis- there's also some time-outs, laundry, cleaning, and of course my mom often in the mix. but as you can see i still get to do all things i love, yet in very small doses. i guess in a lot of ways motherhood is just a whole bunch of compromises. it's a sucky feeling to realize how far back your needs are on the ol totem pole when you got two biscuits gaping at you all the live long, but in the same breath i suppose i wouldn't have it any other way- the joy they bring me is unparalleled to anything this side of heaven. so i don't know, i guess i'm either numb to it, or just okay with my new role. i will say, one benefit is how much you learn to take pleasure in the smallest of things- 2 hours alone, or a date with your husband, maybe even just some candy you have stashed around your house.
so ladies, can we have it all, and if so what does it look like to you?